Tuesday, February 06, 2007

So What Next?

How do I follow my last post?

After unburdening my load on you, my initial reaction is to write something funny and light. I'm good at funny and light. Funny and light has saved many an uncomfortable situation for me over the years. But I don't have any fluff to share with you. Writing that post took a lot out of me. Normally, I am pretty open about sharing "my stuff" but for some reason this one . . . it's all encompassing. Feeling like I don't belong in my own body- how does one escape that? You just don't. So you talk about it on your blog and hope to god you can do something proactive about it.

I really have to DO something now, don't I?

I'm trying not to over-plan it though, you know me, over-planning is my forte. If I don't take baby steps I am likely to fail and then kick myself more. Enough with the kicking! I've always struggled to understand what comes first- do I lose weight and then I love myself or do I love myself and then I lose weight? I'm not a gambler so I've always hovered in the middle with a combo pack of weight loss and self-love. But I think the trick is being able to love yourself all the time, not in spite of what you look like or because of what you look like or when you are your most thin. Those kinds of conditions only alienate you from yourself. And like I said, I want to feel like I belong in my own body.

All of your comments were so touching to read. Your support is so heartfelt. I can't thank you enough for listening and responding. One message I heard loud and clear is that we're all walking around with our own struggles. Even when we feel most alone, we aren't. Thank you for that.

21 comments:

justrun said...

I think there's something to be said for the "fake it until you make it" approach. No, faking doesn't work forever and it shouldn't but taking those little steps when they feel right and telling yourself it's what you can do right now, in the moment is often just what we need. It can be enough.

And I don't know anyone who loves themselves all the time. Maybe the key is that a day or moment of not loving yourself doesn't have to equal the polar opposite: hating yourself. I guess that's where that acceptance part comes in. I'm no expert, I have to practice it daily almost. One thing I will say, though, is that the practice and the "try" itself really starts to feel quite good.

Proud of you. Light and fluff or deep and serious, I'll stick around either way!

alissa said...

Lots and lots of hugs for you! It's all part of the journey and I think the hardest part, the most important thing we all struggle with is self-acceptance. You are DEFINITELY not alone.

xoxo

sue said...

You will never be alone. You are very loved.

jodi said...

its incredibly hard to love yourself and more so when you think you're not doing as well as you should be... we make it so easy to let negative talk (coming from us, someone else, magazines, media, or internet) affect how we see ourselves...

i struggled for years and finally hit a point where i decided i was going to do something instead of wallowing in my own misery... i started to view everyday as a clean slate and looking back was not an option... i realized there will always be days where i'm struggling but there will also be days when i'm doing great so that's what i focus on...

once you see what you're capable of - without a scale or tape measure - your life will be so much happier... :o)

Rachel said...

It is amazing how much support you receive when you open yourself up enough to allow people to show you what kind of person they are. Will they support you and cheer you on or will they mock you and kick you in the most vulnerable spot imaginable.
It seems that you have a great supportive bunch on here.
On another tangent completely...if you get to the weight that you want to achive, can we call you Ms. Sizzle Lean?

BullysE said...

I have an Idea--
Remember your Johari window, last year? You used it to get an idea of how you were being perceived. I think perhaps it's time for something like that, maybe in reply to a post. It can give you a better "mirror" by which to see your good qualities, a better picture not distorted by current feeling.

You could also make a listing of the known-good attributes about yourself, and then the known-bad ones. See how honest you are with yourself, how your answers may vary with what is being told to you (or however falsely believed!heh). It's a good reality check. Just sayin'.

Traveling Chica said...

I think the trick is being able to love yourself all the time, not in spite of what you look like or because of what you look like or when you are your most thin.

Easier said than done, Sizzle?

Just a hunch...

I wish you luck with it: because it sure sounds like you should be able to love yourself. As you are, and as you will become.

Kerry said...

We aren't alone...
I think sometimes when we get to feeling that way, we need to get out and love and help someone else. It will come back to us multiplied!
You rock!

Esmerelda said...

You have the power to change a lot of things...the color of the paint on the walls, kind of job you have, the city you live in...it's just a matter of how badly you want to change them....other things, well, they're gifts from God, good and bad...and who wants to mess with His work?

LVGurl said...

Save the fluff for another day! We'll still be reading.

I say, love yourself first, the happiness will follow!

And I repeat...I admire your honesty and candor. And humor, of course :)

LVGurl said...

Oh, one more thing... you are FAB no matter what :)

Neil said...

I think you should love yourself now. And I'm not sure why you would need to "fake it" until you are ready. We wouldn't all be coming here and caring about what you say, if we didn't think you were a cool and special individual. So, if we all love you, why shouldn't you? As for your weight, are you really going to let one thing be the factor of whether or not you love yourself? If someone who you thought was an amazing person told you that she didn't love herself because she didn't make enough money or had thin hair or because she was afraid of the color orange, what would you think? Sure, there is a lot of pressure on woman to be thinner, but you shouldn't let one thing you may not be happy about become your identity. I think all this pressure on yourself only makes it harder to achieve what you want.

Lefty said...

"do I lose weight and then I love myself or do I love myself and then I lose weight?"

Love yourself first. Whatever comes after that is gravy.

Bone said...

I think learning to love oneself is one of the most valuable and often most difficult lessons in life.

Your blog is THE most introspective I've ever read. Yet it always makes me look at myself and think about my life after reading what you're dealing with.

Savy said...

The truth is that "loving yourself" is a horribly diffuclt concept. Harder than losing weight, or breaking up with a boyfriend, or anything else you will ever do in your life. It's not simple, and there is no answer on how to do it, because it's different for every single person.

That's not to say it can't be done, but I admit that for myself I am a pessimist. The truth is, I'm not all that fond of myself either. I struggle with that everyday. The difference between when I was obese and now is just how much of it showed on the outside. If you choose to view your weight as a criteria of loving or expressing the love for yourself, then think of actions as louder than word. For example: a hug, a friendly ear, a strong arm to comfort and support - those are real signs of love from one person to another, right? Not some annoying flowery card from Hallmark. The words mean nothing, the actions mean everything.

So make the actions count. Choosing the right foods, in the right portion, at the right times is an act of love. Choosing to go for a walk or hit the gym is an act of love. Choosing to turn down the junkfood and the sweets is an act of love. Taking care of your body, step by step, day by day, hour by hour is a true act of love. Those ACTS result in the VISUAL goal you have for yourself.

It isn't a matter of choosing which one to do - it's a matter of choosing to do it at all and realizing they are part of one another. You get both, and both will grow and flourish from each small attention and action you give.

nicalyse said...

Loving yourself is hard. Sometimes loving yourself is easier if other people let you know that you are worthy of that love--and you are.

meghansdiscontent said...

I'm not sure I know a single person - even my size 2 friends who are drop dead gorgeous - who is happy with their body. Or even like their body.

Your statement of "want to feel like I belong in my own body" is so on point. I'd be willing to bet that we all look in the mirror at a stranger most of the time.

Just realizing these things is more proactive than most people ever are.

Love yourself, Ms. Sizzle! However long it takes, however slow it seems, it will be worth it.

javajabber said...

When you figure out the answer, please let me know because I've been trying to get there myself.

Miahart said...

i say hit it head on. join weight watchers. keeps you on track. i have done it online and you never even have to go into those meetings if you don't want to. during the process of your weight loss you will love each accomplishment you make and thats where you start. good luck!

Bre said...

I'm not quite sure, but I'm balking at things like weight watchers and other such groups because a) I have to pay for them and b) I want to change my lifestyle not just lose weight.

Ideally, I want a free support group that will challenge me to lose weight and support me in learning to love myself as I am.

In a perfect world...

girl and dog said...

I think you have to change how you see yourself before you can lose the weight. If you see yourself as "fat", you will never lose the weight because the messages you are sending to yourself and to others are "I am fat". The words "I am" are extremely powerful and guide your decisions.

See yourself as "athletic", "gorgeous", "in shape"...Don't just repeat the words: ADOPT THE ATTITUDE!

If you see a thin woman, don't envy her. Put yourself in her body and FEEL thin and gorgeous! It sounds weird, but it WORKS!!!