Wednesday, February 07, 2007

True or False?

Snackie told me I should, so I am.

There are four "stories" here. One is not true. Can you guess which?

1.) I once walked into a coworker's office to ask her an innocent, work-related question. She scrambled to grab something off her desk as I entered. I tried to not look but it was distracting. My eyes darted down in time to see her teeth in her hand. I had no idea she wore fake teeth, let alone that she took them out while working at her desk. I took that opportunity to quickly divert my gaze out the window and comment on the weather. She acted breezy and answered my question quickly.

I have still not really recovered.

2.) While on the phone the other night, my friend told me she bathes her dog in just a thong because he splashes too much and her clothes end up soaking wet.

That's just in her underwear.

3.) I once posted in the Casual Encounters section of Craig's List. I was bored on a Friday night and wanted to see how many responses I would get. All it said was "How do you want it?" with a photo of breasts- in a bra, mind you. No face shown.

I got 179 responses within one hour. There are a lot of lonely, horny men out there.

4.) I was in the public restroom at work the other day when someone came in and entered the stall next to me. They made quite a fuss with the toilet seat cover and the unzipping and the pulling down of underpants and what I could only discern as support hose. I heard peeing and then "pttttttttthhhhhhhhhhh." Then silence. Then more loud farting. So of course I rushed to get out of there before I would be forced to come face to face with the Flatulence Offender and have to pretend that I didn't want to laugh.

Clearly, I am an 11 year old boy.

5.) Back in college I came across a young couple as I made my way up a remote staircase that led to my street and house. They were in the middle of coitus. The girl ducked her head, averting her face from me but the young buck looked me straight in the eye and said, "Hey, how's it going?" as if they were just doing their homework or something.

I almost offered them a condom. Safer sex is really important.

The truth will be revealed in tomorrow's post!

31 comments:

LVGurl said...

Thanks for the early-morning chuckle! I vote for the fake teeth. Not sure why, it's just a feeling I have.

Eyes said...

Oh my god...I want them all to be true. LOL!

Ummm...thong dog groomer?

javajabber said...

#3 ... somehow I just can't get my brain around you doing this!

Rachel said...

I will go with the Craigslist thing. Not sure why but it just seems that you would have gotten a lot more responses in an hour.

Bone said...

I vote for the Craig's list one.

And I totally try to avoid coming face to face with anyone doing anything more than emptying their bladder in the restroom. That's not immature. Is it? :)

alissa said...

Hmmmm... I have no idea. But I'm going to guess the first one is not true - the dog thing? I've totally given my dog a bath in my underware. If you don't your clothes smell like wet dog!

Great post!

diane said...

I'm going with #2, although it took me a couple readings to figure out the DOG wasn't the one in the thong. :-)
For some reason, all of the other ones are far too true in regard to human behavior to be made up!

Mrs. Ca said...

Yeah, I'm voting for the Craig's list one too, even though that would be hilarious and something I might do one bored evening if I could make sure I'd remain anonymous.

This was fun!

kim said...

I'm going with the false teeth. Just because I hope it isn't true for your sake - that would be very disturbing.
Why don't people check to see if someone else is in the bathroom before doing that - but then we would not be so entertained if they did. I, too, am an 11 year old boy.

girl and dog said...

I'm going with the Craigslist post...Although there ARE many horny men out there!

Lisa said...

OMG! They're all so funny! I'm picking #2.

jodi said...

yea, i'll vote for number 1 too... the others are strange but totally believable... :o)

laurie said...

I am also going the fake teeth route, because don't they have to glue them in or something? No... wait. Don't tell me. I don't need to know about fake teeth.

kapgar said...

My money's on #2.

Sizzle said...

interjection:

this is hilarious!

(but i am keeping my mouth shut until tomorrow about which one is the lie)

Melissa said...

I have to go with No. 2. And now I'm going to have to try the Craig's List thing. You are a bad influence.

emily said...

"my friend told me she bathes her dog in just a thong"

Why bathe the dog in a thong? Does the dog have a matching top? Does he wear a leash, too?

emily said...

Just kidding.
:)

Traveling Chica said...

These are too funny! Love 'em!

I'm voting for Craig's List... there are way more than 179 lonely/horny men out there. Way more. (Now if only some of them lived near me...)

JustRun said...

I think I vote #2, though if they were all true I'd be SO entertained- hilarious! :)

Jenny said...

i can't vote. i know the truth :)

LVGurl said...

I was checking in to see if you posted the results. Then I reread your opening -- it would be helpful if I would slow the frick down and actually read carefully. I thought only one was TRUE! So I need to reconsider my vote...

reconsidering...

hmmm...

I say #3 is the fib. I think you're bold, but I don't know if you'd put your boobs out there just 'cuz you were bored.

Becky said...

I'm going with #1. As for #2, I can totally understand the inclination. I can buy #3 b/c you didn't post your face.

180/360 said...

What a great idea for a post. I'm guessing #4.

egan said...

Well since I was involved in story number 5, I will guess number two is the FIB.

snackiepoo said...

First of all, this JUST showed up in my Google Reader....what the?

Anyway, oh this is hard. I mean, I can see you DOING number three, not even one bit hesitant to say that by the way. However I am not sure there really were 179 responses in an hour....of course, gah, men are horn dogs.

I am going with the dog story as well...she has to wear a bra too...at least.

LSL said...

Gosh, I hope they're all true!!

nicalyse said...

I vote dog story. But really, why not jump in with the dog if you're going to be nearly naked anyways?

gorillabuns said...

i say #2, because who really bathes their dog?

Anonymous said...

What a cute idea, this post!

I'm going with the teeth, because that would be hilarious.

Anonymous said...

the farting woman.... happens everytime i go in and someone must take the same stall next to mine when i know all the other stalls are free. too damn funny.