Saturday, January 06, 2007

Gumption

I saw The Holiday tonight. It's a bit late in the game but still, I enjoyed the film. I was in the mood for it. I laughed. I cried. I even went "A Ha."

Yes, you read that right. I had one of those Oprah "A Ha" moments. (Apologies for uttering the O word.) I am sitting there in the theater watching the movie and this one character keeps reminding me of my ex. And then I think about it and realize that Kate Winslet's character reminds me of me. I ask myself the same question she asks herself: Am I supposed to be a leading lady or a best friend? Am I not playing the leading role in my own bloody life? (Sorry, English terms are flitting about.)

The Jasper character is my ex in that he always hooks her back in right as she is almost convinced that it is time to let go. He even goes so far as to not tell her he is engaged! And all that "I don't want to lose you" rubbish. What does SHE gain from it? Being there for him as he moves on with his life? How does that fulfill her knowing he has made his choice and she wasn't it? The clandestine meetings and abbreviated phone calls. . .How can a person say they love you and in the same breath ask you to sacrifice your own happiness to satisfy their need?

What about her needs?

There comes a time when you have to say enough to the toxicity. Enough to the fantasy. Enough to the used to be. It doesn't keep you warm at night. In fact, it keeps you colder than you ever thought possible. Shouldn't the person who claims to love you want the very best for you? Wasn't Mae West right when she said, "An ounce of performance is worth a pound of promises?"

I know, a lot of questions. I don't expect answers. I just needed to think out loud.

16 comments:

matilda said...

I wanna see that flick... hasn't made it to my hometown yet....

I've joined the dorks online and created my very own MySpace blog.

http://www.myspace.com/inky1967

Neil said...

Wow, now I want to see that movie and visualize you as the main character. It's funny that you never know what is going to give you insights into your life, even a poorly-reviewed comedy. Sometimes, I think you even get more insights from some movie or book that isn't so great, because you don't get totally lost in the characters and story.

Bre said...

There are days when I honestly believe you've been reading my thoughts. I did an awful lot of very similar "a-ha-ing" at that movie... I suppose my frustration is that I know what I shouldn't be doing... but I can't seem to stop myself because I don't see any other simple options. It's a scary thing to let go of what is so freaking familiar and... comfortable I suppose... for an awful lot of unknown!

I hope you find yourself some answers!

StupendousWoman said...

Darn, I really should go see that movie! I think you are absolutely right -- yet AGAIN --, Ms. Sizzle: the pressure to be “nice” and supportive toward someone who really isn't doing the same thing is one of the hardest things to get rid of.

Good riddance, I say!

sandra said...

My gosh, yes. I had -- about...a year ago(?) -- one of those of my own. What I realized is that he wanted -- no, NEEDED -- a fan club, in the form of an adoring me. Both to make him feel like less of a dickhead about screwing me over and to feed his ego (a la Kate Winslet's guy in the movie). And probably, also because he did genuinely think I was a good egg. I decided that there was one thing I could do to take control, and that was to not feed into it...even an ounce. It was hard, and honestly helped a good deal by a big old slap in the face, but I don't think I completely moved on until I completely stopped all the BS. Full story available upon request. :-)

snackiepoo said...

I just put that on my Netflix list yesterday so I would not forget it when it comes out on DVD.

Anyway, I am really glad that you identified with the character and want to be the leading lady in your life. You know that I had the ex fiancee who was just like your ex...promises (lies), smooth words that were more about controlling the situation than loving me and he almost had sixth sense to tell him that I was moving on. Yep, that is when he would show up.

When you are ready, you will know exactly what to do in order to say no more!!!

diane said...

You know, you're the third person I've read who really got a lot of food for thought out of this movies. (the others complained aboutthe dorky, cute, bumbling guy getting the pretty girl and how it's never the reverse)
Now I feel like maybe I should see it to deduce my own revelations!

gorillabuns said...

i had one of those guys (well, several but one in particular) in my life and it was quite unsatisfying to say the very least. in my heart of hearts i always knew he would continue to break my heart and chaos would always be result of our relationship.i was too, the best friend, but sometimes that is simply not enough. i deduced i deserve playing the leading lady in my life as do you!

kapgar said...

You had an Oprah-inspired moment? Hilly's gonna hate you.

Melissa said...

I told an ex friend last year something that maybe I need to write done and keep posted on my bathroom mirror so I'll remember it on dates and everywhere else.

Sometimes I get to choose me.

My LA Story said...

Oooo, need to see, need to see. :) Have you seen The Pursuit of Happyness yet? VERY GOOD!

Bone said...

I enjoyed reading your thinking out loud.

Toxicity. Good word.

justrun said...

Of course you know it's true. We always know it. It's convincing ourselves to act like it that's the hard part. "A-ha" moments are a good step in the right direction, I think. (And I never mind the occasional Oprah reference- there's a reason people identify with that stuff.)

Jenny said...

great revelation! and yes, it is hard when it comes to the heart...know you are on the right path :)

xo
j

CN said...

fuck that guy. if i were you, i would cut all ties with him.

Becky said...

I haven't seen the movie yet, but I think I'd have a hard time getting over the idea that someone like Kate would actually fall for someone like Jack.

But, on the personal note, I agree that someone that really cares for you DOES want the best for you. If a person cares for you, they want to do nice things for you and not expect anything in return (and vice versa). As soon as you see that they don't, run. It's always easier looking at other peoples' situations, unfortunately.