Growing Pains
I've been sort of lost in a sad fog since Saturday night. I haven't been able to apply myself to completing any one task. I had projects to get done but instead I kept wandering back to the couch to watch some repeat movie. The Bachelor took away 45 minutes of my day and I cried when he proposed to her. Later after I hung up some clothes, I wandered back again and found myself tearing up at the good-bye scene between Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation. I tried to distract myself by reorganizing the magnets and pictures on my fridge but that only lasted for about 15 minutes. I was restless and preoccupied.
I dragged myself out of the house to return some Christmas presents. I discovered I wasn't much in the mood for shopping. One store I needed to go to is out of business. Another didn't have anything I wanted to exchange for. Bad customer service. Disheveled shelves full of crappy merchandise. Lazy clerks. It was unsuccessful and disheartening. Note to self: Don't go shopping when you are feeling dejected.
I returned home to my cats and my couch only to cry again at the apology scene between Meg Ryan and Diane Keaton in Hanging Up. That's when I had had it. I put myself to bed with a cup of tea and a book and distracted myself into sleep.
It's hard to let go of the unhealthy parts of yourself even if you know it is the smart thing to do. The heart knows feeling, not logic. I'll be okay, eventually. I've just got to feel my way out of this into a new way of being.
14 comments:
I read your blog then Bone's and felt like I needed to give you both big hugs.
BIG HUGS!!!!
Ditto that.
*hugs*
Tripple that.
Take care of yourself.
Aw, crying is good for you. Probably why I'm rather hopeless at doing it myself. Though you've promised me tears before the end of "The Time-Traveler's Wife."
I'm jumping on the bandwagon and sending a virtual hug too.
I'm crying right along with ya...
*hugs indeed*
Amy (Big Mouth) describes this state as being "fragile", and I was totally feeling it last week myself.
After seeing Blood Diamond and then watching part of Boys Don't Cry last night, I am watching nothing but hilarious tv shows and movies for the next week. :)
If you need ammo in the battle between heart & head, maybe this'll help (something which a friend once said helped her): think about what you would advise a friend of yours to do in the situation you're in. I think that sometimes helps to remind you where the desire to do the thing you're avoiding doing comes from.
And if that doesn't work, wine! Wine, wine, wine!!
*hugs*
Lots of them.
And Kleenex or Puffs.
feel better, owning your feelings isn't a terrible thing
Wow, that sounds exactly like my weekend, except for the crying and the dragging myself out of the house.
Oh, and substitute NFL football, The Office Season 1, and men's pro bowling for The Bachelor, Lost In Translation, and Hanging Up.
Writing about it helped me, I think. Sort of got it out of my system a bit.
*hugs*
HUGS. I think you should watch a different kind of movie. :)
Hang in there.
It must be something in the air... after Holiday let-down, or somethin'. Hang in there, Siz.
Hang in there, girlie, it'll all look a little better in a day or two.
(I used to hate when my mother would say that but dang, she's just about always right.)
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