Monday, January 08, 2007

Growing Pains

I've been sort of lost in a sad fog since Saturday night. I haven't been able to apply myself to completing any one task. I had projects to get done but instead I kept wandering back to the couch to watch some repeat movie. The Bachelor took away 45 minutes of my day and I cried when he proposed to her. Later after I hung up some clothes, I wandered back again and found myself tearing up at the good-bye scene between Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation. I tried to distract myself by reorganizing the magnets and pictures on my fridge but that only lasted for about 15 minutes. I was restless and preoccupied.

I dragged myself out of the house to return some Christmas presents. I discovered I wasn't much in the mood for shopping. One store I needed to go to is out of business. Another didn't have anything I wanted to exchange for. Bad customer service. Disheveled shelves full of crappy merchandise. Lazy clerks. It was unsuccessful and disheartening. Note to self: Don't go shopping when you are feeling dejected.

I returned home to my cats and my couch only to cry again at the apology scene between Meg Ryan and Diane Keaton in Hanging Up. That's when I had had it. I put myself to bed with a cup of tea and a book and distracted myself into sleep.

It's hard to let go of the unhealthy parts of yourself even if you know it is the smart thing to do. The heart knows feeling, not logic. I'll be okay, eventually. I've just got to feel my way out of this into a new way of being.

18 comments:

hotpinksox said...

I read your blog then Bone's and felt like I needed to give you both big hugs.

BIG HUGS!!!!

Traveling Chica said...

Ditto that.

*hugs*

alissa said...

Tripple that.

Take care of yourself.

Karl said...

Aw, crying is good for you. Probably why I'm rather hopeless at doing it myself. Though you've promised me tears before the end of "The Time-Traveler's Wife."

Mrs. Ca said...

I'm jumping on the bandwagon and sending a virtual hug too.

kapgar said...

I'm sorry you feel that badly. However, I must throw in a little funny...

"Another didn't have anything I wanted to exchange for. Bad customer service. Disheveled shelves full of crappy merchandise. Lazy clerks. It was unsuccessful and disheartening."

Wal-Mart?

Eyes said...

I'm crying right along with ya...

diane said...

*hugs indeed*
Amy (Big Mouth) describes this state as being "fragile", and I was totally feeling it last week myself.
After seeing Blood Diamond and then watching part of Boys Don't Cry last night, I am watching nothing but hilarious tv shows and movies for the next week. :)

sandra said...

If you need ammo in the battle between heart & head, maybe this'll help (something which a friend once said helped her): think about what you would advise a friend of yours to do in the situation you're in. I think that sometimes helps to remind you where the desire to do the thing you're avoiding doing comes from.

And if that doesn't work, wine! Wine, wine, wine!!

Melissa said...

*hugs*
Lots of them.
And Kleenex or Puffs.

Jenny said...

"The heart knows feeling, not logic. I'll be okay, eventually. I've just got to feel my way out of this into a new way of being."

*just* saying that outloud is a step in the right direction...

i can already see/feel the shifts... and yep, it will be okay eventually, my friend.

xo
j

snackiepoo said...

Sandra is right on the money.

However, I try to do that then whine that I am different than my friends, LOL.

I think we are reticent to let ourselves wallow and cry when really that is okay as long as it leads to something else.

Big Cupcake Hugs!

Margaret said...

feel better, owning your feelings isn't a terrible thing

BullysE said...

The Book and Tea therapy sound like a perfect fix. Good for you. *hugs*

My only suggestion would be to get Susan Patton Thoele's meditation books for Women, and perhaps ponder these helpful things in quiet moments, or in the bathtub, like I do. I find the bathtub to be a perfect place for me to soak, balm myself, and ponder.

I have found her books to be VERY helpful. They aren't expensive, and have variety of uses, bringing the help and strength from the Inside, Out.
Growth spurts suck, sometimes. Hang in there.

Bone said...

Wow, that sounds exactly like my weekend, except for the crying and the dragging myself out of the house.

Oh, and substitute NFL football, The Office Season 1, and men's pro bowling for The Bachelor, Lost In Translation, and Hanging Up.

Writing about it helped me, I think. Sort of got it out of my system a bit.

*hugs*

g-man said...

HUGS. I think you should watch a different kind of movie. :)

Hang in there.

sue said...

It must be something in the air... after Holiday let-down, or somethin'. Hang in there, Siz.

justrun said...

Hang in there, girlie, it'll all look a little better in a day or two.
(I used to hate when my mother would say that but dang, she's just about always right.)