My First Crush

My first real deal crush hit me in Junior High. He and I were friends. I was everyone's friend in 8th grade. The boys came to me for girl advice. The girls shared their "Going Steady" woes with me. All the while, no one passed me a note declaring their affection for me. Sigh. I was the class therapist even at 13.

So Jacob S. and I were buddies. We'd sometimes give him a ride to school and often he'd come over to my house to study. I knew he liked Rozanne but it didn't stop me from crushing. One night, while we talked on the phone like we did every night, he told me that CJ (my BFF) had told him of my feelings. I stammered out a denial, clutching the phone, trying not to cry. I felt betrayed by my (former) BFF, CJ- how could she!? Everyone knows you don't tell your BFF's secret crush that she like likes him!

While all of these feelings and thoughts are whirling around my head Jacob tells me, "I just like you as a friend." The kiss of death on any crush. All my hopes and daydreams of walking around the schoolyard hand in hand after sharing lunch were squashed. I got off the phone and sobbed. I was inconsolable. I had no idea how I was going to face anyone at school the next day. No doubt the news has spread- our class was small and tightknit. I was mortified and heartbroken.

When I woke up the next day my Mom had slipped a note under my bedroom door. In that note she told me that sometimes we will love people who might not return our feelings but that does not make our feelings any less a treasure. When we love someone it is a gift we offer them. That my love is precious and never something I should be ashamed of or hide. I've kept that note all these 20 years. It meant that much to me. (Thanks Mom.)

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Reveal Your Blog Crush is TOMORROW! If anyone gets their heart broken, I'll send you a copy of my Mom's note. It'll make you feel better.