Sunday, October 15, 2006

I Used To Live Here

It's just not the same.

Nothing ever stays the same. I know this. I am not disappointed. But being back in The Cruz, for as fun as it has been, isn't like being home. It feels small here. Because it is. I've grown accustomed to the city skyline, the urban hipsters, the green of the trees, my little apartment, my budding new life in Seattle.

Santa Cruz holds the me I am trying to outgrow. I don't want to forget her- she's been a good friend to me at times, a comfort and a safe haven. But the new experiences and challenges of my Seattle life are what I crave so I can become the newer version of me. It was good to come back here if only for that reminder- that I am on the right path and I made the best decision for myself. And that my friends are my friends no matter how far the distance. For that I am so incredibly grateful and blessed.

I don't belong in Santa Cruz anymore. And that feels downright liberating.

10 comments:

Alison said...

Well, then. There you go.

Claire said...

Now that's how far you've come. Here's to Seattle and an evolving Sizzle.

JustRun said...

And there's that deep breath you've been waiting for.

Neil said...

Here's to the new you.

Javajabber said...

Going back always validates the notion that you had to go forward.

sandra said...

Sizz, you're so...growing!! I love it, and I'm glad your visit confirmed everything you were fairly sure you knew deep down.

Nihilistic said...

I knew this would happen! And I'm glad for you!

Bre said...

and.... exhale.

Todd said...

I know what you're sahying, although someday things will change. Or not.

I've been away from The Cruz since 1993, and haven't missed it a bit. Not even the ocean. Being raised there, I took a lot of it for granted. I am considering a move back to be near family, and the last visit was awesome. I think in my case, what was needed was time to cleanse the bad memories of the last five years of my life spent there. I was done with it when I left. I may be ready to come home...

Glad you're diggin' Seattle though - also a very cool place.

kapgar said...

I tend to wonder how I'd feel about places I used to live like New York, Kentucky, and Connecticut. I'm not sure it would be exactly the same anymore.

Katie and I already feel kinda the same way about our old college home as you do about SC. It's just not the same.