Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Dog Gone It

I've just about got every last hour booked. Drinks with these friends. Dinner with that friend. The vet appointment for Lou. Lunch date. Breakfast meeting. My final gathering with my book group. Looking at my calendar exhausts and excites me and all of that is punctured by sadness. Lately I get the most sad when I look at my dog, Lou. My housemate, Mike, and his girlfriend found a great house in town and she will be very happy there- in her new yard with three people to shower her with attention and treats.

Yes, my dog is staying with Mike.

It's been a difficult decision in the fact that I selfishly want her with me even though I know I can't give her what she deserves and needs. I am a single woman who can only afford a one bedroom apartment. Most of those places don't have yards or don't accept dogs. Mike and Lou have a special bond. He and I were a couple when I got her and he's been a constant in her life for ten years. She sleeps on his bed. He's taught her new tricks. She loves his girlfriend, Meagan and can barely contain herself when she comes over, often plopping herself on Meagan's lap (and for those of you who have seen pictures of Lou, she is not a lap dog). I know it is the right thing to let them care for her and still, it breaks my heart. I've never committed to anyone or anything for 10 years. She's been my daily constant.

I've wrestled with all the emotions- guilt, anger, sadness, fear- and come to a place where I trust that this is the right decision. Every time I see Lou and Mike together, I know. We've talked it over and both want what is best for her. Well, we basically have had most of our conversations over email since we both start crying whenever we discuss it. I am trying to think of it as though I am not giving her up but expanding her family. I know she can always come live with me if I can ever afford a place suitable for her. And I know she will be very happy with them. Still, it makes me cry (like right now).

It might be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

20 comments:

kapgar said...

As tough as it is, you know that the person who will be taking care of Lou is a good person that your "constant" already loves. He'll be in good hands.

alissa said...

Ugh - I can't imagine how hard this is for you Sizz, still, it shows just how much you love her.

JustRun said...

Oh, I can't imagine. Knowing Lou is in good hands will hopefully help you through the sadness. It's amazing how much of our lives we share with pets- so much is wrapped up in them and we don't even realize it.
Give her lots of hugs and kisses, as I'm sure you already do!

Miahart said...

i can imagine how hard this decision was. but just like you said...it would be selfish of you to keep her in a small space. if i were you i would do the same although it would be pure agonizing pain.

Bob Merrick said...

You've committed to me for sixteen years and counting... xo

Brookelina said...

I can feel your heart breaking. Keep your chin up and know you are doing the right thing.

Sarcomical said...

oh man. i feel for you, girl. that must be very hard. but you at least can find comfort in the fact that you are able to leave her with someone who she knows and loves instead of a dog foster or some stranger.

...doesn't make it seem much better right now, i know.

Bre said...

Oh how I feel you! Leaving my dog behind when I moved was one of the hardest parts for me - I left her with my parents, which means I get to see her often, but it's just not the same and that isn't easy to adjust to. But it does get easier when you know that Lou is somewhere where she is well loved!

jeopardygirl said...

Sizz, I can only imagine how painful it is to leave her behind, even if it with people she loves, people you know will take care of her. Animals give us unconditional love, and we need that. In the end, though, the decision is the right one, and there's nothing saying you can't get another doggy later down the line.

Jenny said...

10 years of living and loving...

and your bond with her will endure the distance. nothin' better than unconditional love.

the memories will hold you...

Bex said...

oh hon, that's so rough!

many hugs your way.

Mikey said...

Ahhh many hugs!! I was told by Jules to call you tomorrow so I am !!!

Bill said...

That's Lou? I love Lou!

Been there. Done that. Don't have any brilliant words for this one.

That's very upsetting.

Lizzie said...

Aw, it breaks my heart just reading it. It sounds like you're doing the right thing for Lou but I know that can't make it any easier to deal with.

Nihilistic said...

I'm glad you are doing what is right for the dog! That's what is important!

ocg said...

I am soooo proud of you for making this horribly diffiult decision. I can't imagine after 10 years, how hard this is for you. ::hugs::

Mrs. Ca said...

That's rough. I guess you could always think of it as yet another reason to visit Santa Cruz. Just make Mikey promise to send you lots of pictures.

Anthony S. said...

"Looking at my calendar exhausts and excites me and all of that is punctured by sadness."

Great writing.

Dustin said...

Dogs never forget those who've loved them.

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Krisco said...

That is so sad. And yet it sounds like you are doing the right thing. You can phone him! And he will hear your voice! And then he'll have a little dog cry. But he'll know you still love him.