Thursday, March 23, 2006

Letter to Myself

Dear Low Self-Esteem,

I am done with you.

Because of you, I've hidden pieces of myself. I've sat on the sidelines when I wanted to be in the ring. I have watched when I wanted to be doing. I've been agreeable when I wanted to scream "Fuck You!" I've smiled when I wanted to cry. I've apologized for who I really am. I've not believed in myself. You convinced me that failure was always imminent so why waste the time and risk the embarrassment. Just don't try.

Because of you, I've walked around in a body that I have never accepted as beautiful. I have never really absorbed the compliments I have received. You helped me find fault with every wrinkle, gray hair, pudge of fat, blemish or scar. I've wasted 32 years of life not loving the skin I am in. Feeling unattractive. Feeling unlovable.

Because of you, I've talked myself out of accepting love. I've sabotaged relationships that could have thrived and stayed in ones that were hurtful for far too long. I gave up too easily on some and clung like a barnacle on a sinking ship to others. You muddled my thinking. You convinced me that I was unworthy of love. I believed you.

Because of you, I have stayed stagnant- paralyzed by your whispers of guilt, obligation, and over-caretaking. You told me that putting everyone's needs ahead of mine was the noble, loving thing to do. You told me to give and give and give some more and then maybe, just maybe, I would be lovable enough. Worthy enough. You were wrong.

I've spent my whole life under your reign . . . until today. Today is a new day.

Good-bye,
Sizzle

31 comments:

Lushy said...

You are my hero for writing that. Thank you once again for inspiring me, opening my eyes and making me look at things in a different way.

Kevin said...

I hate to be cliche, but... you go, girl!

That letter rocked and stated everything that I've ever wanted to tell myself so I could enjoy my life. Mind if I adapt it for my own internal monologue?

Ash said...

i actually teared up reading that.

*applauds*

Mikey said...

Ahh sweetie you are beuatiful no matter what you look like.

Solonor Rasreth said...

Low Self-Esteem ought to be ashamed of itself...

Mrs. Ca said...

It seems like you and I are having the same kind of day. Good for you for standing up for yourself (low self-esteem - she is a bitch). You are definitely worth much more than what your low self-esteem is valuing you at. You're wonderful.

alissa said...

Absorb this please: You are so completely beautiful, inside and out.

gorillabuns said...

everyone else loves you, so it's about time you started loving yourself! give that old self-doubt a good swift kick to the curb!

Nihilistic said...

Low Self-Esteem really had you fooled, beautiful!

Amanda said...

Bravo!

Kerry said...

Congrats!!!!

*hugs*

Sarcomical said...

yay! what led you to this revelation and shaking-off, if you will?

ocg said...

I love this post. Now this should be your mantra *every* day... don't forget that you saw the light... now just walk in it...

You are one of the most amazing people on this crazy planet... I'm am so glad to have you!!!

Damn, you rock.

Claire said...

Rock on. I look forward to reading what comes next.

Jacynth said...

Low self esteem was so 2005. Bring out that self confident woman (that's who I definitely thought I met, would never think otherwise!). Sizzle shines!

Jenny said...

sizzle!

my inspiration
my belly laugh buddy
my spirit sister
my beautiful friend

congrats to you for -seeing with new eyes-

you shine on~

Bob Merrick said...

I can't wait to read your Self-Esteem's response letter... xoxo

TexasGirl said...

Wow! Low Self-Esteem Just got it's ass kicked!

JustRun said...

This was fantastic!
It's the letter that no one writes and everyone should.

inky said...

What made you decide after years and years to make the jump over?

Bill said...

You're a meanie. Now Low Self-Esteem feels bad. It's feeling low self-esteem!

And now, some quotes (it's been a while since I threw some out). My favourite is the first. The others, not sure what their relevance is but I liked them.

"Dreaming of the person you want to be is wasting the person you already are."
- Kurt Cobain -

SELF-ESTEEM, noun: An erroneous appraisal.
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary -

In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned.
- Jane Haddam -

GirlGoyle said...

Way to call it as it is. I'm going to have to email this to a friend who just loves to beat herself up when I think she's the most wonderful person I've ever encountered. Hope you don't mind me sharing your epiphany.

Thrusher said...

Wow, this is such a brave post. I'm blown away by your honesty. This is something I really needed to read right now. Thanks.

sue said...

I wish I would have had that attitude at 23... it's never to late, though. You just keep this letter pinned to your mirror and read it every single day and make it true. You have so many people who love you who think you are beautiful inside and out and who want you to believe it too.

Sizzle said...

Thanks everyone!

I felt it was about time I got this off my chest. I am glad it spoke to many of you. I sincerely appreciate all the feedback and support. :)

sandra said...

Sizz, I'd like to request that you send a copy of this to my self-esteem, please?

Dan said...

did it work?

Anonymous said...

wow.... I hope for the the day I write the same letter. Good for you, Sizz. Good for you.

Nicole Ashley said...

What a great letter! I swear to God it could (and probably should) be addressed to me as well. I recently made the decision to start being more honest with people and it's amazing the difference it has made in a lot of my relationships. Decisions like this are so important I think. Thanks for sharing!

kilax said...

Beautiful letter. You are saying what so many other people are thinking - and wishing they could change!

Xtine said...

you really said stuff that i totally understand and also feel myself...today and tomorrow are good days for this kind of thought because of planetary alignments (or so I heard!)

anyway- plant seeds in your backyard and then read your letter over the freshly turned soil.

I did.