Monday, February 13, 2006

V-Day

Many years ago I had the honor of performing in the Vagina Monologues at UC Santa Cruz. I was the only non-student performer. It was a bold move for me to try out and an amazing experience to be cast. In honor of V-Day, I give you the piece I performed. . .

Hair

You cannot love a vagina unless you love hair. Many people do not love hair. My first and only husband hated hair. He said it was cluttered and dirty. He made me shave my vagina. It looked puffy and exposed and like a little girl. This excited him. When he made love to me, my vagina felt the way a beard must feel. It felt good to rub it, and painful. Like scratching a mosquito bite. It felt like it was on fire. There were screaming red bumps. I refused to shave it again. Then my husband had an affair. When we went to marital therapy; he said he screwed around because I wouldn't please him sexually. I wouldn't shave my vagina. The therapist had a thick German accent and gasped between sentences to show her empathy. She asked me why I didn't want to please my husband. I told her I thought it was weird. I felt little when my hair was gone down there, and I couldn't help talking in a baby voice, and the skin got irritated and even calamine lotion wouldn't help it. She told me marriage was a compromise. I asked her if shaving my vagina would stop him from screwing around. I asked her if she'd had many cases like this before. She said that questions diluted the process. I needed to jump in. She was sure it was a good beginning.

This time, when we got home, he got to shave my vagina. It was like a therapy bonus prize. He clipped it a few times, and there was a little blood in the bathtub. He didn't even notice it, 'cause he was so happy shaving me. Then, later, when my husband was pressing against me. I could feel his spiky sharpness sticking into me, my naked puffy vagina. There was no protection. There was no fluff.

I realized then that hair is there for a reason- it's the leaf around the flower, the lawn around the house. You have to love hair in order to love the vagina. You can't pick the parts you Want. And besides, my husband never stopped screwing around.

(For your copy, order here.)

14 comments:

gronce said...

Rock On! We're women, not little girls!

alissa said...

They just performed the Vagina Monologues at a theater near here but I didn't get to see it! I have the book but it's on the stack with hundreds of others I haven't read yet, I'm moving it to the top :)

Mikey said...

You go girlfriend!!! What does a vagina look like? I haven't seen one say... since birth.

Melissa said...

I LOVE this. I got to see this one live with Margo Kidder a year or two ago, I've got the book and the video. I had been thinking about posting my favorite one as well. Good job Sizz!

Claire said...

I've been thinking about V-day lately too.

Auditioning always stressed me out (as did performing), so I can really appreciate the risk you took going out for this show. It would be a cool one to be a part of.

jeopardygirl said...

I've never seen The Vagina Monologues, but I always wanted to. If this vignette is anything to go by, I need to.

To be honest, I don't understand modern men's fascination with shaved or waxed feminine parts. If you asked them to do it, you'd probably be greeted with a horrified gasp and a rejection. Why do we give in?

Will said...

"To be honest, I don't understand modern men's fascination with shaved or waxed feminine parts. If you asked them to do it, you'd probably be greeted with a horrified gasp and a rejection. Why do we give in? "

In my very limited experience, the women do want they want, not what their men want. And many of them hate hair.

Go figure.

Lizzie said...

I read the book several years ago and tore through it one afternoon. This post makes me want to pick it up again. That's great that you got a chance to perform in it. Bold move indeed! Great post.

Bill said...

I think the whole business of guys who find shaved feminine parts a desireable thing explains why convents continue to to appeal in these irreligious times.

Bob Merrick said...

I think that is more than enough talk about hairy vaginas to last me for quite some time.

Will said...

I wonder who is more anti-hair - men or women. I suspect women, but I could be wrong.

Oh, and Siz says I have to confess to being a male slut. Hello My name is Will and I have been a male Slut. I am not proud of it. But Siz says I have to fess up./

Sizzle said...

good boy will.

:) sizz

Will said...

And for her next trick, Siz will be demonstrating her SuperTwins Power of ....

Kilt Trip said...

I have to disagree with jeopardygirl - "If you asked them to do it, you'd probably be greeted with a horrified gasp and a rejection."
Any more than that is probably TMI on my part, but let me leave you with something my roomate says an awful lot for a guy who has forgotten what sex is - "What's the last sound a pubic hair makes before it hits the ground?

*insert soundclip of someone spitting here*