Saturday, November 05, 2005

The Genuine Heart

I am clearly tired to the point of distraction. Last night, Hummingbird and Rae Rae came over to my house for a girl's night dinner. We had a fabulous time, eating, drinking, laughing, sharing stories. I took out the milk for the tea but this morning, searching high and low, couldn't find it. It wasn't in the fridge. It wasn't in the pantry. It wasn't in the trash. I had to throw on some clothes and run out to the 24 hour market for milk at 7:30am so I could have breakfast. Tonight, after a long day at my final training session, as I was putting the dishes away, I discovered the half gallon of milk.

It was in the cupboard. Where the mugs are. Nowhere near the fridge.

How out of it do I have to be to do that?!

I just woke up from a nap. I don't nap unless I am seriously ill or emotionally spent. It takes those extremes to make me desperate enough for extra slumber. Today was my final day of Hospice training. I am feeling both overwhelmingly full of love and hope and very sad. It's the beginning of our individual work and the end of our special time together. What an amazing group of people. Each one of them, such a gift. It truly was an honor to share this time with them. I do so hope we see one another again- at support group meetings or Hospice events.

But even then, it won't be the same. When a group of people experiences such vulnerability, risk and deep learning together in such a short period of time, there is a sacredness to it. And while the ending of the training doesn't mar the experience, it is bittersweet. I have learned so much from these beautiful, generous, kind people. I just keep taking in deep breaths to ground myself in remembering how deeply touched I am. I hope I always hold close this feeling of connectedness and courage.


Her Daddy's Eyes said...

I can't wait to hear how it went. You're a truly special, Sizzle! It's so wonderful that you have come away from this with so many memories.

Paul said...

Good thoughts sending your way -- I don't know the whole story of the whole "you know what" but I hope it all turns out OK.

Death to all who oppose you!

Bill said...

It sounds like a great experience though, yes, a bit sad the time together is over.

One aside, I recently read a book with a line I loved: "In the country of the damned, there are no naps." Personally, I think naps should be instituted everywhere.

And the milk ... On occasion I've done things like attempting to brush my teeth with hair gel or shave with toothpaste. Some days are just like that.

Melissa said...

Wait, wait, wait... what do you mean no naps??? Oh, Ms. Sizz... naps are right up there with no illegal search and seizure, they just forgot to list them in the Bill of Rights. Seriously! Where do you think our founders would have been without a nice nap followed by juice and cookies every afternoon?

Congrats on the Hospice training. It's such a worthwhile thing to do. It's the sort of work that takes a great deal of courage and strength. Sixteen years later and I still remember Daddy's Hospice care workers. You're going to make such a positive impact.

sue said...

You're so perfect for that Hospice stuff... you just wear your heart right out there, you know... where it will do the most good to those you're helping. They'll see how much you care just by looking at you. I know if I were going down that road, I'd want you by my side... 'nuff said.

On the milk? Well, gf... I once put my cellphone in the freezer. Go figure.