Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Gag (Me With A Spoon)

My family lived on the same street my entire childhood. We had some odd neighbors on both sides. The ones to our left were aging hippies- the man with a huge, bushy beard and his "life partner," a woman who enjoyed not shaving any part of her hairy body and sun bathing in the nude. On the other side of our house, the neighbors changed throughout my childhood. There was the particularly trashy neighbors whose poor maintenance of their yard directly related to me having to be rushed to the emergency room with a pebble and shard of glass in my forehead when I was a kid. There was another family or couple that lived there in my teens and for the life of me, I cannot remember their faces, names, nothing discerning about them at all. I do recall though the time they left a Thigh Master poking out of their trash can which inspired a running gag between my sister, her boyfriend, the Tomato and myself. Why throw out a perfectly good Thigh Master? Apparently, the neighbors realized it was long past the 80's and that Suzanne Sommers was as bad of an exercise guru as she was an actress.

Either the Tomato or Joe snatched the offensive Thigh Master from the trash and placed it surreptitiously in the other's vehicle. Once it was discovered and we all had a laugh, the offended person would snag their chance to hide the Thigh Master in the offenders car and so the game went on and on. You'd never know when it would show up. In your trunk. Lodged under your seat. Under the pile of crap you have in your backseat. Eventually, the game wore itself out but not before we had a great many laughs over it.

The other night, as I was mindlessly watching the boob tube and flipping through the latest edition of Real Simple, I came across a picture of the one, the only, Ms. Jennifer Love Hewitt. I was suddenly struck with an idea. Like if I was in a cartoon, a light bulb would have been drawn above my noggin. My housemate, Mikey, detests Ms. Hewitt, particularly for her painful performance/crappy emulation of our beloved Audrey Hepburn in that made-for-TV-movie. He's probably one of the only hot blooded males in America that doesn't want to shag Little Ms. I Know What You Did Last Summer.

I carefully tore the picture of her out of the magazine (much like the one you see here), grabbed a bit of tape and crept slowly back towards Mikey's bedroom where he was engrossed in killing things in some video game. I tried to be quiet but, well, my mom used to refer to me as a "bull in a china shop" which I think means I lack grace so that didn't work too well. As I tried to tape the offending picture to the back of his bedroom door, a giggle snuck out. Damn that giggle! My giggle has gotten me in more trouble than I care to report. We had a laugh about it and he left it up for a day or two.

But then she started appearing around the house. First on the hallway wall to which I moved/hid her in the pantry near his shelf of food. Then she was in the fridge taped to the cheese drawer. Then she traveled to the spot behind his towel in the bathroom but was quickly discovered and taped inside the shower. I stuck her in his closet. He shoved her under my pillow. . . And now, after taping her to the inside of his medicine cabinet. . .I don't know where she is!

Cue the scary music.

The gag continues. . .Where will she show up next? My underwear drawer!? Talk about pushy advertising.

21 comments:

The Zombie Lama said...

Hopefully she'll show up at my place... :o)

Melissa said...

You are so much fun! I may have to keiff this idea for use in the office, it will drive my boss up the wall!

Maybe your roomie would be so kind as to do the same with a George Clooney pic for you?

Mr_Rodacre said...

So THAT's what that was! I saw her in the pantry the other night when I was looking for broth. I thought "Must be Mikey's shelf..." and went about my business.

It never even occurred to me to ask what that was all about.

You know, my boss has a large poster of Ms. Hewitt in his office because she's in that "Ghost Whisperer" show on my station (damn - I don't even know if that show is still on, how sad is that?). That and my boss has the hots for Hewitt.

I have to say, I don't have her on any list of hotties, but I wouldn't kick her outta bed for eating crackers...

Mikey said...

I think you should put it in your Mikey's underware drawer along with a condom from the org. on top of the picture with a container of lube. That would get him good.

alissa said...

I worked at a cheesy mega-art gallery for a year (think the type of place that people buy Thomas Kinkade's from). We found this horrible picture in our database of some 80's air brushed tigers and would circulate it around the office.

I found it once on the windshield of my car, another time it replaced the framed picture of my dog on my desk. It was the only thing that made us laugh at that horrible job we liked to call HELL.

Way to be a fun roommate Sizz!

babyjewels said...

that is great! A couple of my co-workers (a few jobs ago) took a picture of another co-worker every dispised, at a company picnic, shirless, in tiny tiny shorts. They would hide it back and forth on each other and crack each other up. I need me some of that.

Aimee said...

Slightly off topic, but... Hey, Mr. Rodacre -- who is on your list of hotties?

Lushy said...

I love it! Alan and I had the same thing going on for a while with a stuffed alien someone brought him back from Roswell. The game ended after I saran wrapped the alien in the toilet and pee spilled onto the floor. I'm not sure I have been forgiven for that one, but it's a good idea for you! Tee hee!

Mr_Rodacre said...

Aimee - top of the hottie list? Ms. Sizzle

List of random celebrity hotties - Lauren Graham, Claire Forlani, Gillian Anderson, Sela Ward, Claire Danes, Kate Dillon, Kate Winslet

I could also refer you to mrrodacre.blogspot.com (shameless plug)where I recently listed my five, unconventionally hot, hotties (i.e. - they don't look like Pam Anderson, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Love Hewitt, etcetra)

Hope that helps... =)

Sizzle said...

you damn well better have me at the top of the list- consider it payback for shamelessly plugging your blog on my blog. ;)

p.s. there is yet another reason why lushy fucking rocks. i have to find a way to use that idea!

Moonchild said...

my brother in Lauglin, NV and i play a game with something too... thanks for the post.... brought back goofy memories of being sent that piece of plastic from him and getting it on days when I least expected it. ......by the way, you are the blog first before i go to bed everynight. i think i have a heterosexual crush on you. can that be possible without sounding gay? Speaking of gay, I saw my lesbian partner wanna be Gwen Stefani tonight on the American Music Awards and smiled proudly when she won best pop artist.

goodnight........

Star Effer said...

i used to think she was soooooo incredibly smoking-ass hot. i would've had no problem tossing her salad and would fantasize about tea-bagging her.

but something changed with her. she doesn't look good to me anymore for some reason. she's looking more and more like Celine Dion somehow - esp in that link you posted... yech! oh and Ghostwhisperer SUCKS. maybe that has something to do with it...

Bill said...

I read Sizzle's comment and for about five minutes completely misread the phrase, "lushy fucking rocks."

I was going to ask for pictures until I thought, "Oh, maybe that was meant another way ..."

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

Teehee...that's priceless.

Ms. Hewitt is entirely overrated, in my opinion. I did like her in Heartbreakers, however.

Melissa said...

Fabe is a perv... I think I'm in love.

Lushy said...

Oh, Bill. I have pictures, but they're gonna cost you!

:)

circe said...

Ms. Siz, you are such an inspiration...now the wheels are turning on what Kerbear and I can do with this terrific idea. So far I'm coming up with Water Buffalo in her undies as per a former blog.

Thanks!
((hugs))
Circe

Sizzle said...

i am glad i could inspire some of you and rekindle fond memories of gags gone by.

bill and fabe are so naughty. you are welcome at this blog any day boys! ;)

now go out there and pull some gags (not a sexual term pervy readers!)

;) sizz

Mrs. Ca said...

We do that with a wedding gift we got, that is simply too ugly to put up anywhere. We first "forgot" it at my parent's house, then they snuck it into our house, and so on. It's hillarious and will make my mom laugh so hard when she finds it that she almost wets her pants. And that totally makes it worth it.

Her Daddy's Eyes said...

LMAO!!! This is so funny!!!!

And I JUST got an email from a friend at work. She had a sub helping in her class today...and he fell asleep!!!! So she took a few pictures of him and emailed them to me!!! I printed them out and now I know JUST what I'm going to do with them!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

sue said...

Oh, my... I don't know why, but I watch The Ghost Whisperer. It's like a train wreck, I can't stop. It isn't her, tho'... I like the guy who plays her hubby. Hot!