Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Erosion

My friend and co-worker Jules sent me that song "Whipping Post" soon after I returned from suspension. I sometimes crank it up when I am feeling disgruntled and angry at work. (Uh, that would be every day.) It's kind of like the musical equivalent to flipping someone off. I fear I might need to collect more songs like "Take This Job And Shove It" or "These Boots Were Made For Walking."

Yeah, it isn't going very well here.

In the midst of this hostile work environment, my co-workers sustain me. I love them. I would not be coming to work each day if I didn't know I had their support. If I didn't believe in each one of them. Times of crisis bring people together and we are united like a March on Washington or a Kumbaya singing circle. We have each other's back and in our shared anger and frustration, we pull each other through another day.

I don't know how much longer we can survive working under these conditions though. People are experiencing stress-related health problems and many of us are not sleeping, plagued by nightmares or insomnia. We are in the phase of Mr. Hyde and while Dr. Jekyl sleeps, no one is fooled. The over-complimenting, the niceities, the relative quiet before the storm is just a ruse. He will strike again and trust me, it won't be pretty.

I go into work each day and work my ass off (this is why I have no ass, from over-working) and yet I still feel as though I will be fired at any moment. I am stressed out all the time but when I am at work it is the worst. I am worried that prolonged exposure to this environment will kill my spirit. I cannot let that happen. I can't start believing the lies that are being spread about me. How can one man cause so much pervasive damage? It's gotten to the point that I don't trust anyone with power at this agency. Their minds have all been twisted to believe untruths about me.

I know who I am. I cannot and will not let them take that away from me.

If there ever was a time I needed to get away, today is it. I just keep thinking of Seattle, of my Mom and sister, of Hillz and Double B. If I can just get through today, the next four days are sure to be the salve to soothe me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Quote of the Day:


Empower me
to exercise the authority of honesty,

and be a participant

in the difficult ordinariness of now.
-Ted Loder

8 comments:

whoorl said...

Your work enviroment sounds so horrible- what is WRONG with your boss?

Just think- you are almost to Seattle...Turkey Day, family and good times. You can make it through!

Melissa said...

Hold tight, Ms. Sizz, you'll get through today and it will be a wonderful weekend. It's so hard to work for people you feel don't respect you, and worse still when you don't respect them.

Btw, Whipping Post is one of the best songs ever written.

melanie said...

Seattle has been lovely the last few days, too. It's actually been sunny for the 2 hours of daylight we've been getting!

And as for work, it sounds like my work environment right now. Luckily I'm only there half-time. According to my boss everyone is always wrong!!

Moonchild said...

my quote of the day today is: sometimes it's okay to just say what the fuck.

enjoy.

Star Effer said...

these are the times when it's so hard to take the "high road." i don't even know the guy and I wanna slash his tires, or crazy glue his hand to his ass, or, ooh this is good, drop LSD in his green tea!! but mama raised me right and I don't do those things (anymore).

all i know is, people tend to get back what they put out -- and yes that does sound like the set-up to a raunchy joke. but I hope dr. hyde realizes that there will be an opposite and equal reaction to every one of his actions.

jeez i hate this guy...

The Zombie Lama said...

HAPPY TURKEY DAY, SIZZ!!!!

Bill said...

I really liked Seattle the short time I was there. If you should happen to get a flat tire and just kinda remain there, unable to return to work ... well, just a thought. (Not necessarily the smartest, economically speaking - but a thought.)

Have a fabulous weekend! And be sure to have some oysters. (Not a traditional Thanksgiving food item, but who cares?)

sue said...

I'm just catching up, you understand...

What the HELL is wrong with this man??? I swear, some people get a little power and it goes right to their heads, then proceeds to eat every brain cell they ever had.

If this guy had any sense at all left, he'd see what a wonderful group of people he has working for him and he'd get on his knees and apologize profusely (and with much gnashing of teeth and ripping of clothing) for every stupid thing he's done lately and beg you all for forgiveness and TRY to put this train back on track.

Dumbass.