Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Things I've Learned the Hard Way

*Blow drying your hair with a q-tip sticking out of your ear has disaster written all over it.

*Wearing a skirt on a hot summer day and walking two miles will result in the dreaded chub rub.

*Not telling the truth is infinitely more trouble than telling it.

*Long distance relationships can make even the strongest of couples question themselves.

*Making tea in the bluff greatly increases your chances of burning off a nipple.

*Being a hothead only increases the amount of I'm Sorry's you have to deliver in a given day.

*Parallel parking can be mastered.

*Letting anyone other than a trained professional color your hair is a very, very bad idea.

*Trust is delicate and should be hard-earned, not handed out like candy.

*Threesomes are not for everyone.

*Trying to pretend you are someone other than who you are is monumentally exhausting.

*Plucking a white hair is akin to throwing water on a gremlin.

*You always have a choice in life: how you react to the circumstances of your life defines your character.


Anonymous said...

NEW TOPIC - I am here to announce, Shaunessy, that you have reached/obtained "City/Person Identification Status" with the Big C. Some would call this an honor...some a curse. Here's how it works - every city that I have visited and had a memorable experience in is everafter associated with a momorable person. Doesn't have to be the same experience and city pair (I've had some good sex in Portland OR, but not with the person that I most associate with Portland...get it?). Here's a partial list:

SANTA CRUZ - you, The Stevenson Crew
SAN DIEGO - Tessa C.
MURPHYS - Sarah B.
DENVER - Curt S.
LAS VEGAS - The Boys
MUNICH - The Aussies
COPENHAGEN - Stef & Torben
DC - Beau, Mike & Seaona
PUERTO VALLARTA - The Staff at the Sheraton

You get the idea. I may not talk to these people anymore and the experiences may not have been positive, but that's the first person or people that I think of when I think of that place. So there you have it...congrats.

And NO, you are not enslaving people without your knowledge. First of all, you're aware of your potential to enslave (I keep thinking of the scene from Roots, where the white dude is yelling, "Your TOBY!" - funny and sad at the same frickin time); and Second, "enslave" is a stong word. Maybe "bamboozled", "taken along for the ride" - something a bit more happy-ish, or indicative of a character trait that you may not have full control over but everyone knows it anyway so it's fair game.

BTW, it's a bit slow at work this afternoon....


Sizzle said...

Big C, you crack me up, as always. Oh and did you mean to say bamboobzled? Hee hee. Miss you more than my thin days!

Bob Merrick said...

Um... Craig... what about our wild night in the hotel room in Monterey???

I still own those shorts I stole off your body...

Don't tell me you don't remember!!!