Saturday, April 02, 2005

Expectancy


Find beauty in every day. Take it all in. Posted by Hello

"She walks along the edge where the ocean meets the land, like she's walking on a wire at the circus..."

I'm between two realities. Or maybe there are more, but I can't see them yet. I feel as though a new way of living is on the tip of my tongue. Like when I am speaking but can't recall the very word that would encapsulate what I mean to say. Like today when I searched for the phrase "case in point" but my brain stumbled and I said, "a point of the case." Scrambled. How come my brain can't think sunny side up? And I'd like a side of wheat toast with that while you are at it, please.

Soul searching. Finding signs in just about everything. Listening, really listening to what I am saying, inside myself. This week has been so hectic, so full, and for that I am very grateful and for that, I want to lie down in the sunshine at the park and let the sound of the wind lull me. I long for uninterrupted quiet in a safe place.

Lately, I am missing being held and known and loved for who I am in all its imperfect glory. It happens. This too shall pass, right? Besides, this is just one of those potholes in the journey. Deep down I know that. And I know I will persevere. I made a deal with myself and I am a woman of my word. Besides, today's reality isn't always tomorrow's reality. I'll keep walking along the edge, balancing, listening...expectantly.

6 comments:

Bob Merrick said...

Stay strong with the deal you have made with yourself for your rewards will be so sweet to reap.

Anonymous said...

sometimes it is lonely being alone but other times you can be alone and not lonely - it balances out-
but nothing replaces the need for the human touch - that you miss always -
I feel like 'case in point'-
I hear you,
m

Sizzle said...

thanks to you both. i will keep on keeping on.

Mr_Rodacre said...

Recently in my own reality I have been trying to pay attention to the signs and the messages the universe is putting out there.. and so far it's all been about creation, birth, life, discovery and death. That and the ridiculous lengths that we humans will go to assert our beliefs about things we have really no independent verification on. I have no idea what any of this means and how it relates to little ol' me. Though lately I have come to the realization that one day I will die - we all will - and I've been having a hard time wrapping my head around that concept because there is so much to do still. But this is your blog not mine...

In the meantime, uninterrupted quiet sunshine in the park sounds like a grand idea. I am also available for holding and reveling in you and your imperfections should the need arise again...

Sizzle said...

Ah Duckie, you're such a gem. Thanks for the offer. :)

And you're so damn quiet all the time- who knew such thoughts were running wildly through your head! When are you going to write in your own blog?

Jenny said...

i love watching the *real* Shaunessy appear before my eyes. smooch.