Over-Exposure

Picture it: Santa Cruz, CA 8:45am. The sun is brillantly shining in a cloudless sky. The birds are singing their song. The breeze carries a hint of the ocean's saltiness. Ms. Sizzle steps through the gate of her lovely little pink abode to embark on her morning walk to work. Her bag is slung over her shoulder and across her chest. Her cd walkman is pumping booty-shaking tunes into her ears. She's had a good bowl of oatmeal and a cup of English Breakfast tea. Her hair looks good. It's getting so long (The Tomato would be proud). Her mind is adrift with thoughts from her class last night. She's thinking about forgiveness and playing the victim and wondering how in the hell you let go of all that crap...when suddenly her top button pops open exposing her purple bra to passers-by. Oops! She quickly rebuttons and resumes walking. She's mouthing the words to Missy E's "Work It". She likes that line that goes: "gimme gimme some of that cinnabun" and chuckles to herself. Then she notices that the second button on her top has burst open. Damnit! She rebuttons again and looks around to see if anyone notices. She resumes walking. Three steps later, the top button pops open again. Balls! She rebuttons. Ten steps later both the second AND the first button both open. Great! Now she is at a very busy intersection. She begins to imagine herself standing in the middle of the crosswalk ripping open her blouse to expose her breasts. Why not cut the inevitable off at the pass? It seems the universe is having a little fun at her expense. She could fight it or just go along with it and have a laugh. I mean, what's a little boob exposure between neighbors, right? Ok, so "little" isn't the correct adjective when describing Ms. Sizzle's ample rack but this is a family-friendly blog, not a porno. For the remainder of her walk, Ms. Sizzle is overly self-conscious of her offending boobage and her hand is constantly flying up to her chest to check that the blouse is indeed securely fastened. She has decided this shirt must go. She might even run down on her break and buy a new one. It's pay day after all. She is sitting at her desk now, "the girls" safely staying put in the shirt. No offending poppage has occurred since arriving to work. It must have been that damn bag strap pulling open her shirt over and over and over again. Either way, this girl needs some new clothes. Pronto.

Oh and by the way, this is hilarious. Seriously. You must read it. Right now. Don't wait. Click it.

And while you are clicking away, click here to read all about The Tomato's journey from flab to fab. Oh who are we kidding? He's already fab! It's good reading.