Monday, February 21, 2005

Home Sweet Home

Ah, lovely Santa Cruz. Nothing beats hitting Highway 17 with the trees tall and green, the sky a brilliant blue among the puffy clouds, the crisp air alive with the scent of the sea. Home. I have yet to find a place that makes me feel so welcome. My stay in Berkeley was great, don't get me wrong, but there's nothing like coming home. I was listening to Ray Charles on the drive back. I cannot hear his music without singing and dancing. He gets into my soul or something. Whatever it is, I like it.

I saw Hotel Rwanda last night. Everyone should see that movie. Paul Rusesabagina is an inspiration and testament to the good of humanity. Ordinary people do extraordinary things every day. I am still too affected to speak about the film. I also finished that book I mentioned, "A Blind Man Could See How Much I Love You." There is one line in it that has stuck with me. One character says, "I love you past speech." Wow. That is a whole lot of love.

Do you ever notice how the thing you are trying to convince yourself you don't need/want consistently shows up over and over again? Like when you are on a diet and everywhere you look are cupcakes. Or, for example, how I am single and dealing with the sadness and loss of my last relationship and all I see are happy couples. IKEA was full of them, shopping for their homes, some with kids in tow. I kept thinking about how my ex is probably doing that with his new girl, shopping for their new apartment together. It could be worse I suppose. He and his new girl could come across me and my friend singing "Surry With A Fringe On Top" at the Sharper Image or something (see When Harry Met Sally to get the reference). Still, ouch. I wish I didn't think such thoughts.

My phone has not rung all day. I could feel sad & unpopular but instead, I feel grateful. I feel quiet and internal, contemplative but not in that obsessive way. I am practicing that "being still" thing. I'm thinking about taking up yoga. I need all the help I can get.

3 comments:

hummingbird said...

Just so you know, Ikea is just as filled with the newly single as it is with happy couples. Mostly men, of course, who don't really know how to stock an apartment. Now that I think about it, it might be a great pickup spot!! If you're into rebounders, that is.

:) M

Anonymous said...

guys who have to wear yellow and blue together in the same outfit need love, too.

Sizzle said...

so the peanut gallery suggests i pick up on the single guys at Ikea or the men who work there? hmmm, well, santa cruz is hurting for suitable suitors, that is for sure. . . i will ponder your suggestion. ;)