Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Shut Up In My Head

This is very true:

The stress of being with others could make you feel like taking time to be alone to regroup today. Perhaps because you have been so involved in your previous activities, you may be feeling emotionally drained and maybe even moody. Spending time alone in quiet reflection or meditation today might help you to feel more at ease with your own emotions and could give you the energy you need to be with others later on. While sitting in meditation, you might wish to watch your own feelings as they arise and pass. You may notice that your feelings of discomfort are not the result of your immediate environment, but are simply habitual thoughts that come into your mind. Seeing this might make it easier for you to recognize that your unease does not necessarily come from being with others, but rather from your sensitivity to your everyday thoughts. -Daily Om

Habitual thoughts? When I really slow down and think about it they include:

  • Feeling unattractive and uncomfortable in my own skin.
  • Missing my Dad and regretting our relationship.
  • Wishing I could stop being a control freak for one minute so I can enjoy my life sans the perfect plan.
  • Feeling alone and lacking hope that I will ever find someone to share my life with.

I'm definitely feeling ultra-sensitive lately. I mean, come on, I cried at the "death" scene in Click. Click! That's a comedy! WTF is wrong with me? Maybe it's just the post-holiday blues. . .

17 comments:

jodi said...

2 years ago, i was 33 i felt that i would never meet someone... when all your friends are dating, married, and/or having kids - it was more than i could bear at times... but i stuck to my guns and honestly knew that when the time was right, i would meet 'him' and i did... and we've been together ever since... funny how i looked for months/years and on the day i gave up, we met online... weird...

keep your chin up - the holidays, even though covered w/bright lights and christmas music, can be hard but a new year is coming... :o)

Anonymous said...

kill me when you get the chance.

Dawn said...

I'm pretty much family'd out...I'm going home early.

question girl said...

((((((HUGS)))))))

alissa said...

It's all so overwhelming - the holidays, family, past memories. Be kind to yourself. I wish I could take a day alone to regroup!

Margaret said...

cheers to "the holidays" being almost over.... they turn me into a teary, neurotic mess

Melissa said...

I'm right next to you in this boat. It's been one hella-long holiday season this year and it's time to bring it to an end.

And I know the feeling of thinking you are [] this close to having what you want only to have to walk away.

*Hugs*

Bone said...

I think a lot of people have similar feelings post-holidays. I've noticed myself being on edge and irritable the past couple of days.

Alone time. It's a good thing.

Jenny said...

alone time-a must. i hear that sistah! and the thoughts... well just sit with them and process them, they will subside slowly. pushing them out makes them stronger. think about where you were 1 year ago. you are making progress :).

Will said...

Merry Christmas! I hope 2007 is a fabulous year for you.

matilda said...

I had a few tears coming down as well. Don't beat yourself up for that.

Malnurtured Snay said...

"The stress of being with others could make you feel like taking time to be alone to regroup today."

Sounds like Christmas. Damn the lack of internet access and the lack of a fridge full of Natty Boh!

BullysE said...

You know, perspective is a funny thing.It does get influenced by things like Holiday blues, and other stuff.

I have to say,you may not realize it, but you really are a beautiful lady. You have a stunning smile! Other people see this, yet you cannot when you look in the mirror. I think it's getting your viewpoint into the here and now, and seeing that you are a wonderful person--not all "pretty christmas wrappings".
People just feel glad to know you.

Someday you will find a nice guy to set up house with, and you will see that while the companionship is nice, it also comes with it's own brand of irritations! heh! Men are still men, with their own little quirky limitations. You just get to live life as a Duo, instead of a single.

Take some time to rest and pamper yourself, and take a look at that beautiful smile you have. Next week begins a whole new year!

Karl said...

These are doubts we all have, as I said to you last night. Buck up, li'l camper. You're a major catch.

justrun said...

Rather than looking into the future and trying to understand all that may or may not be ahead, I think this time of the year is the best time to look into the past. The good times, the bad times, the successes, the failures. Nothing makes me look forward to the next year more than taking a minute to remember just how far I've come.

Claire said...

"Seeing this might make it easier for you to recognize that your unease does not necessarily come from being with others, but rather from your sensitivity to your everyday thoughts."

oh man, I did a double-take when I read that. Not a literal one, more of a stop breathing one. Just hit me hard since it feels so apt. Habitual thoughts? hell, yeah. It's just so easy to lose sight that it may be my thoughts and not the company of others that makes me brood or twitchy or want to be alone.

Here's to breaking out of negative mental ruts in the future.

Esmerelda said...

oooh, so I'm not alone in my funk. Thanks...

This weekend I'm implementing the "hiding out under the covers of my bed 'till Tuesday" strategy. 'Cause contact with new people actually hurts right now.

Yet I have resolved to put on my happy face the minute the pumpkins arrive from the tyrannical X's house. 'Cause that's my job.

Best wishes to you. Crying is healthy and cathartic and helps us process. Go for it. I could use a good cry myself. I might just do that from under my covers.