I'm So Un

You may be flying with enthusiasm, yet it's really time to cool your heels and consider the current state of the relationships you have created in your life. For you, the distant hills often appear more appealing than the one you are climbing; the bird in the bush can be more attractive than the one in your hand. Conscious self-restraint for the next few weeks may seem like a big sacrifice, yet it strengthens your opportunity for happiness.

Sometimes I like to pretend I am not into astrology. When I say "pretend," I basically mean that I lie. "Oh yeah, that astrology business is just a bunch of malarky." You should know, right then and there, that whenever I say something like "malarky" odds are I am lying. I so suck at lying! The point being- sometimes my horoscope is so dead on accurate that it gives me pause. Like the one above.

Anyhow (hello!) the focus of this post is not supposed to be lying or astrology- it's supposed to be how I have PMS. (There, now I've gone and lost the majority of my male readers. Talk to you later fellas!) Yesterday as I was getting ready for work I couldn't decide on A) What to eat for breakfast, B) What to wear, C) If I should stop at the post office to mail my Christmas cards on the way to work or on the way home from work, D) What to bring for lunch. Indecision is a big part of my PMS. I noticed I also have a constellation of lovely blemishes on my chin (always on my chin- damn you chin!). Breakouts mean the Mean Reds are on the way. I felt grouchy and disinterested, pouty for no good reason, annoyed by every little thing and basically unloveable, unattractive and unworthy. Moreso than any other given day. My new adjective for myself this week is "un." I'm feeling very un.

Needless to say, this is going to be a fun week of being Sizzle!

I tend to stay away from too much interaction when I am like this. Nothing cheers me. I'm inconsolable. I'm very Greta Garbo "I vant to be left alone." Oddly enough I am internally crying out for connection but because of all my fuckedupness and un-ness, can't ask for what I really need. I really shouldn't be reading "Zen and the Art of Falling in Love" right now. Each night I go to bed thinking, "Shit, I have SO much work to do on myself before I'd even be remotely ready for a relationship." Sigh. So far all it is telling me to do is sit on a pillow, count to ten over and over and focus on my breathing. Have I done this yet? No. Of course not. I have PMS!