Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Pheromones, Anxiety & A Little White Lie

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." -Charles M. Schulz

Do you guys want me to talk about something other than boys or the lack there of or my struggle with loving myself? Because I really want to not bore you to tears when day upon day this blog is like listening in on a therapy session. But see, then I remember that I have to stop being a people pleaser. What is it that pleases me? Well, right now it is purging all this crap around relationships and worthiness. It will pass. Promise. (Said more to self than audience.)

There are other things going on of course. Things I can't talk about here and things that seem mundane. Like the anxiety I feel when I have to give a tour at work. Today there are 16 fourth graders coming for a tour of our facility and I've had to come up with a volunteer project for them. Lucky them, they get to seal envelopes with glue sticks. Woo!

You know how when you make a declaration, say like my current one where I declared myself free from the distractions of men and dating, and then the Universe gets a whiff and comes along dangling a carrot of temptation? Oh you know how that goes. Damn Universe- you think yourself such a clever little minx- I can outsmart you!

I kid you not, in the past 48 hours I have had 5- count them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5- men from my past message me or try to get a hold of me. And each one of them? Oh yes, flirting. Can they smell my unavailability through miles and the internet? Wow. That's some powerful stuff. Don't fret, I will be strong and pass this test. I don't back down from a challenge.

Hey, remember earlier when I said I should try to talk about things unrelated to boys and worthiness? I think I was lying.

19 comments:

kim e said...

Remember Sizzle, they're exes for a reason.

Sizzle said...

but kim e, some of them i never actually dated! ;) i know. i know. hmphf. you are right.

Mrs. Ca said...

Soon enough there will be something else to obsess about, I'm sure. I always seem to find that's how it happens. But, yes, it does seem that the universe is trying to tempt you. Good luck on resisting - I'm sure you can do it.

gorillabuns said...

you have to admit, it's fun to be tempted, right?

and a little flirting never hurt anyone...

Becky said...

Maybe the best way to address it is for the boss to do an overall talk to everyone -- that no one's belly should be exposed, rather than singling her out?

Margaret said...

5 men vying for your attention? Very flattering!

I'd like to listen in on therapy sessions.

Claire said...

I gave tours of our facilities for a couple semesters when I was in grad school. Chatting up a bunch of strangers? Not my thing. I had to assume an outgoing alter ego to get through it. A posse of 4th graders really would've been beyond me. Good luck!

Dustin said...

Nothing's hotter than unavailability! =)

alissa said...

Who has been e-mailing you?!?!?! Bastards!

JustRun said...

Dude, tell them to leave you alone! You have better men, errr, things, to do. Ha. Sorry.

Seriously though, maybe it's less letting go of what you're doing right or wrong and more letting go of the need to control it.
I am not a pro at actually doing this always but I am definitely a pro at analyzing it. So maybe the practice should be letting go of control, not letting go of what you really want. You want it for a reason.

Javajabber said...

Just try to pretend we're not here ... this is probably excellent therapy for you AND us!

Besides, we're in it now ... you'd be depriving us of seeing you go from wounded and sad to ectastically happy!

Carry on...

Javajabber said...

(I also can't spell between my brain and my fingertips ... it's ecstatically.)

Sizzle said...

letting go of control should be my mantra. can anyone make me a tape with that loop on it?

Nihilistic said...

FOURTH GRADERS? UHHHhhhhhhh...I couldn't do that! COULDN'T! WOULDN'T!

Faith said...

I noticed the belly action on Sunday!

This is a tough situation, but hey, it's why the managers make big bucks, they have to deal with it. Couldn't your manager just reference the dress code in the employee mannual? Keep the talk "legal" if you will?

sue said...

You know we'll listen to you say ANYTHING... :) Just so you're talkin'. :)

Krisco said...

I totally believe in that whole sensing across the universe thing. You made yourself unavailable, and bam, men from everywhere come flying. It's amazing! And true!

matilda said...

In regards to your plus size coworker/friend... plan a "makeover" day with you and her on a day off and take her to Lane Bryant or some other nice plus size store and suggest outfits that would suit her style more.... do a "What Not To Wear" day for you girls and then treat yourselves to a pedicure and some fluffy fruity drink. Maybe your coworker/pal has never had anyone help her in the clothing world.... I think this is your calling to help her out rather than having a your tacky boss treat her like a 7th grader and telling her to pull down her shirt. Mean words stings like the dickins but kind words and kind, thoughtful suggestions like going to the mall with her would not only be fun but an adventure and a fresh blog entry to boot.

Fiziliyo said...

Hey, I was NOT flirting! (was I?)