This Is Not A Competition

. . . or is it?

Casual dating feels more like a contest than actual dating because when people are dating multiple people someone eventually is going to win out, no? At least, aren't the participants hoping for that? That possibly one person will drop off or make some erroneous error forever marring them in the eyes of their potential boyfriend/girlfriend sits, teetering, on the fence between indecision and decision. Between commitment and playing the field. Between you or them.

But if you like someone and enjoy their company but aren't 100% sure you can see a future with them, isn't it fair to leave it open to seeing other people? Or does the actual act of seeing other people interfere with the knowing if that person is future-worthy or not?

Do you see how a person could get confused? I surely hope so. I tend to over-think everything and this situation is no different. But seriously, isn't this shit confusing?

Look, I've done my fair share of dating. I was on Match.com, Yahoo Personals, Craigs List, blah blah, blah for quite a while back in the day and during that period of dating frenzy my friends were begging for some sort of chart to keep up with all the men I was seeing. It was exhausting and most of them fizzled out after 3-5 dates. The equation didn't really cut it for me. Expending 110% energy and getting 45% back? Something is definitely amiss there.

Then there were the relationships that started with a bang- you look at them, they look at you and viola! you're in love. Hey, it happens. Or the ones that grew out of friendship and weren't full of angst or the drama of dating multiple people simultaneously and having to decide. Somebody's gonna get hurt when you are juggling a couple of suitors and selfishly, I don't want it to be me. Is that wrong?

Some people say that if it is too much work at the beginning, it isn't meant to be. I'm still debating that one. Though I'd sure like to just meet a swell fella- he'd like me and I'd like him and the thought of pursuing other people wouldn't enter our minds because the enamored feeling between us was too special to ignore. I'm starting to feel like that is a lot to ask. And that makes me want to heave a big sigh and pull myself out of the game.