Back home in Santa Cruz, when life would get overwhelming and I couldn't seem to center myself, I would take myself to this tree. My thinking tree. I'd sit at the bench under the branches, listen to the waves crash and stare out at the horizon. The expanse of the sea always humbles me and helps me put things into perspective.
I haven't found my special centering place here in Seattle yet. But I am on the lookout. If I were to sit at my tree, these are the things jumbling my mind:
- As an adult, when do I finally feel like I have the right to live my life the way I want to?
- Why are some old loves impossible to let go of?
- How come I can't bring myself to eat the uncooked-ish, gelatinous-looking white part of my fried egg?
- Will I feel happy or sad to see my dog again? Or both?
- When going on a date with a new, interesting fella, why is it impossible for me to figure out what to wear?
- Why do my dating anxieties always boil down to not feeling good enough or pretty enough?
- What is the true meaning of home?
- Is self-deprecation a way to mask my insecurities or just good humor?
- How does one date multiple people at one time? Doesn't someone always win out? And then how do you deal with the hurt?
- Why is it so difficult for me to GET that people like me?