Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Pondering Perspective

Back home in Santa Cruz, when life would get overwhelming and I couldn't seem to center myself, I would take myself to this tree. My thinking tree. I'd sit at the bench under the branches, listen to the waves crash and stare out at the horizon. The expanse of the sea always humbles me and helps me put things into perspective.

I haven't found my special centering place here in Seattle yet. But I am on the lookout. If I were to sit at my tree, these are the things jumbling my mind:

  • As an adult, when do I finally feel like I have the right to live my life the way I want to?
  • Why are some old loves impossible to let go of?
  • How come I can't bring myself to eat the uncooked-ish, gelatinous-looking white part of my fried egg?
  • Will I feel happy or sad to see my dog again? Or both?
  • When going on a date with a new, interesting fella, why is it impossible for me to figure out what to wear?
  • Why do my dating anxieties always boil down to not feeling good enough or pretty enough?
  • What is the true meaning of home?
  • Is self-deprecation a way to mask my insecurities or just good humor?
  • How does one date multiple people at one time? Doesn't someone always win out? And then how do you deal with the hurt?
  • Why is it so difficult for me to GET that people like me?


Bre said...

As in so many things, your thoughts echo my own. As for old loves, for me at least, I'm such a hopeless romantic (secretly) that I can't let go of the possibility that maybe we could reconnect and any time apart would just add to the greatness of our love story. It's sick. I need to put the romance novels away.

OT said...

I recognize that tree, being raised in Santa Cruz. I remember sitting with my dad on those benches right before he passed away.

And to address some of your thoughts, these moments of realization happen to come at different times for everyone, but most of those issues were covered for me when I hit 40. I don't think it is something that can be taught, I think it needs to be experienced.

I especially identify with your question, "What is the true meaning of home?" For me, home is not a place, but a state of mind, and it is truly wonderful to be able to take 'home' wherever you go in this great big world.

...and seeing more than one person at a time isn't dating, IMHO, it is called 'hooking up.' Never could do that, and I'm thankful for my old-fashioned sensibility. KLept me safe all those years, and a bit more respectable :-)

Becky said...

There's a place like that down by Lake Union that I would love to be my thinking place. The problem is that I'm rarely ever alone.

kapgar said...

Not that I've ever been to Seattle, but if I did, I would make me "thinking area" somewhere in a park overlooking the Sound.

Margaret said...

I can't find multiple people to date at a given time. How do these people find multiple people to date?

Bone said...

Wow, those are some excellent questions. I always self-deprecate. I never considered why. It just comes natural to me :)

And I was never one who could date more than one person at a time.

I always get my best thinking done at the edge of the Earth.

JustRun said...

I think we are partially sharing a brain these past few days. Sometimes I want some of those answers, and sometimes I just want to be okay with having all the questions.

Nihilistic said...


Mr_Rodacre said...

be the tree

Jacynth said...

Your last point really hit home. I never think anybody likes me, even if they tell me. Let's work on that together because dammit, we're catches! :)

sue said...

Wow. Except for the dating stuff (which I am looooong past, thank GOD) you are my younger twin. I'd say you were my twin, but I don't need to age ya that much, sweetie... and even at that, the dating questions are ones I asked myself a zillion times when I WAS still dating.

It's gonna happen. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will. Honest. Probably, like me, when you are least expecting it. That seems to be the way it goes...

Oh, and I think the hardest part for me would be the dog. *snif*

Bird said...

Jonesy, some questions are unanswerable. These include most of what you wrote in this post, with the eggception of the one about the fried eggs...to which I say: who cares? Be a hater! Egg whites aren't all they're cracked up to be anyway. (get it? het it?)

xoxo Bird