Monday, August 21, 2006

Avoiding the Snap

Anyone who frequents this blog knows that I like to plan things. Be it a fundraising event, a dinner party or a trip, I feel most comfortable having my lists and my preparations checked off to (hopefully) avoid any disaster.

Of course, this being life and life being what it is, shit happens.

So I am having an onslaught of visitors in the coming weeks. Jenny Two Times for Labor Day weekend (Woo Hoo!), Bird and Rae Rae for the weekend of the 23rd, and Supple for the last weekend of September. Excellent. I miss these lovelies like crazy and can't wait to explore my new city with old friends. My mom arrived last night to stay a week and though she will more than likely be at Dokey and Double B's house for most of her week-long visit, I am still happy to get to spend time with her. I do like visitors. I do! I just like to have a plan.

I'm not sure what it is. . . ok, my somewhat controlling Aries-ness and Type A personality probably have a lot to do with it. . . but I do not like it when people "stop by" or when out of town guests arrive with no plan whatsoever. It's hard not to feel a bit put out when there was no pre-coordination, no dates set in stone, no initial ask to stay the night. When the guests do arrive, enthusiastic but without a) any means to get around, b) any idea when they will be over and c) any money, it kind of puts the "host" in a bit of a pickle.

I am a giving, generous person. I can say that after years of therapy. I actually often over-compensate for people's lack of planning because planning comes so easily to me. Yes, I can be seen as bossy (and I am working on that) but I cannot tell you how batty it drives me to see no preparation being taken when all that is needed is a few phone calls to line up places to stay and coordinate borrowing cars, etc. It drives me CRAZY.

Ahem.

Let's just say, I find myself in somewhat of similar predicament and am trying to remain cool, calm and collected while the uber-planner inside me is freaking out. Not to mention my hermitgirl side is pouting, mad that she won't have her allotted alone time. I don't mean to sound bitchy- I do want to see my friend and spend time with him- but it would have felt much more considerate if there had been a discussion prior to his arrival about him (and his boyfriend) staying at my apartment, needing a way to get around the city and a ride to the airport. I'm a giving person but how giving can I really be with a family member already visiting, a nephew that I want to see as much as I can, and a brand new job whose schedule can't be changed? I already feel quite pulled in multiple directions. There is a point when you bend too much to another person's needs and then you snap.

13 comments:

Mrs. Ca said...

Oh, I so understand where you're coming from. I had the opposite happen this weekend - planned party and one of the invited guests didn't show up at all, and two others showed up late. I can't bitch about it on my site though because the one who didn't show up reads it. But, oh, I was peaved.

Hope it turns out okay, and seriously, put your foot down if you can't do something. I know it's hard to say no, but it sounds like you might have to.

alissa said...

From one planner to another - I totally feel your pain! I would be annoyed too!

Melissa said...

Greet them with a warm hug, a glass of iced tea, a plate of cookies and a neatly typed list of local hotels in three price catagories and a list of local car rental businesses.

"I'm afraid that with no notice given to me I am unable to juggle my schedule to accomodate you at the moment. I'm free at least two of the weekends in October if you'd like to come for a visit then." (ya big mooch)

Just say no to bad manners.

Becky said...

I'm so with you on this. My family and friends "know" to never come over unannounced. As for the out-of-town guests, I'd be irritated too. That's a huge inconvenience for you, esp. if they expect you to play tour guide and chauffeur.

I would probably say you can't be tour guide, maybe you could help them out with one ride to the airport (if you can), and that your place is kind of full. I agree with the comment above -- don't feel guilty by putting your foot down on bad manners. I struggle with the same thing myself, but you may wind up being more miserable with the irritation than if you just say that you can't do it with so little notice.

Bob Merrick said...

For all of your fans friends and readers to view...

http://sizzle.youaremighty.com

sandra said...

I'm not sure if this is possible for a planner, but as a total non-planner I suggest that you let them figure the transport and airport thing themselves. They're adults, they can figure out how to get around, shuttles exist for this very purpose, they can entertain themselves -- and it doesn't have to be your problem. Spend time with them if you can, but live your life first. Being happy to see someone doesn't mean you have to bend over backward -- particularly without any notice!

Bre said...

The planning part of my brain is officially fried, so I can sympathize a bit! As dear friends as they may be, I have to agree with Sandra - they can figure at least part of it out on their own!

inky said...

Be happy you are alive, you have a nice home, you have family who cares and friends who will visit. Life is too short. Enjoy what God has given you and let it be that. Simple. Enjoy what wonderful graces are you blessed with. Look at the Katrina victims for instance. And every other kind of victim that has nothing.

Anonymous said...

jeez louise... can't a girl vent without it turning into a national emergency, miss brady?

if there's anyone who is thankful for the blessings in her life, it is Sizzle.

Karl said...

So what you're saying is that when I come to visit, you're going to maybe have something for me to do? ;)

JustRun said...

I understand where you're coming from here. It's just your nature. I have the same thing going on and the fact that I don't know, for example, the time of my next flight (thank you, American Airlines) is driving me insane! It's the same feeling as when those we love do it.

sue said...

Oh, geez, Brady...

Siz...I'm with you all the way on this one!

sue said...

ROFLMAO... Bob Merrick...you RULE! That IS Sizzle!