Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Words You Don't Want To Hear

I had to go to the gynecologist yesterday. Again. It seems my pap smear came back with "atypical cells" which could mean many things. I don't have HPV, which is good news. But they needed to do a colposcopy. I couldn't, for the life of me, remember that term. I kept wanting to say "colonoscopy." Uh, wrong hole in the "down there."

Here's the thing: No one wants to get a call where the words "pre-cancerous cells" are uttered. Even the most stable and calm individual would flinch and possibly panic upon hearing that. I tried to remain calm in the weeks between appointment 1 and appointment 2. "It's probably nothing. No need for undue worry or stress. Just think positively, Sizzle." It kinda worked. But not really.

So I arrive there for my 12:15pm appointment yesterday a bit frazzled from the morning I had at work. After being ignored for a good 15 minutes, a nurse finally brought me into the exam room and unveiled a microscope that had a warning tag on it that said, "This is not a toy. It could cause serious injury if mishandled." That made me feel safe. Yeah, sort of like having a crazy person wave a gun at you but promise that the safety is on. She explained that the procedure takes longer than an average pap smear so I would be lying on the exam table with the speculum in for an uncomfortable period of time. Uncomfortable became the word of the day.

(You are probably wishing you hadn't started reading, right? It's like a car accident you can't look away from.)

So I get undressed from the waist down and sit with a paper drape over my lap, waiting. I wait for about 10 minutes and the nurse pops in to apologize for the delay. Waiting in a doctor's office feels endless, even if it is only 10 minutes. Waiting with no pants and a paper drape over your lap feels like eternity. There is no comfy position. No easy way to appear relaxed when you are half-naked and awaiting the stirrups. No pose you can strike that says, "No, I am not nervous at all that you are going to take pieces of my cervix."

The doctor was nice and during the procedure, she chatted on about non-vagina related things. We talked about AIDS in America. A light topic to distract me. As I lie there, my legs spread, the speculum inserted, the swabs going in and out, the samples being taken . . . there was discomfort and a few pangs of brief pain but for the most part, it was completely survivable. I'll be honest, I wouldn't sign up for another go round but I am sure there are worse procedures to go through.

The nurse handed me a pad to wear because, as she put it, "there will be a brown discharge." Uh, I don't want to hear that phrase, ever, let alone experience it. Discharge is an ugly word but "brown" and "discharge" should never be in the same sentence. And a pad?! I haven't worn one of those since the 8th grade.

If I get a call before my next appointment on the 28th, it will be bad news. For now, the doctor assures me she doesn't think it is anything to worry about. Of course, I will still worry. It's what I do.

This post is totally TMI and I apologize for oversharing. I really needed to purge this experience from my psyche so I could move on. Emotional discharge is ok with me, the other kind? Not so much.

18 comments:

jeopardygirl said...

Oh, Sizz. It's times like these I wish I were a man who didn't understand what you're talking about. Stay strong, kiddo.

whoorl said...

colonoscopies suck. colposcopies suck. i've had both and what a pain in the hoo-ha (literally). god, i'm funny.

i'm sure the news will be good. :)

circe said...

Oh Sweetie............I am SO sorry you had to go through that ordeal and am praying all is 'just FINE.'

I understand it is very common to have bad paps and alot of gals I've talked to have been called back for further examination.

big hugs,
circe

circe said...

Oh Sweetie............I am SO sorry you had to go through that ordeal and am praying all is 'just FINE.'

I understand it is very common to have bad paps and alot of gals I've talked to have been called back for further examination.

big hugs,
circe

Mrs. Ca said...

Ugh. I've been there. Except my doctor was horribly mean and made the whole experience pretty traumatizing. It's definitely not something I want to experience again if I can help it. Sorry to hear you had to go through that, and I hope that everything turns out okay.

Simply Misunderstood said...

hey i've had 3 of those babies done including the one where i had to go down to the dark room and lay with a bedsheet over my naked bottom area and they put a ginormous dildo like thing in and everyone watches on the TV monitors to see if the cysts on my ovaries are indeed cancer or not. one of the WORST experiences of being a chick... .thankfully mine were just noncancerous cysts but still cysts nonetheless. good luck and keep us posted.

kapgar said...

I actually went in to an OB/GYN exam with Katie one time. It was pretty uncomfortable for me; I don't even want to imagine what it was like for her.

Bre said...

Ugh. There's nothing worse than having those things shoved up your hoo-ha to make sure you're healthy. I'll be crossing my fingers for you and hoping that everything turns out a-ok!

Jacynth said...

I'm crossing my stirrups for you, girlie. :) I can totally relate to this experience....one of these days I'll blog about the time my obgyn couldn't find my cervix. Classic. Good thoughts, sista, good thoughts.

JustRun said...

I don't blame you at all for getting that out of your head. Yuck. I'm sorry you have to play the wait and wonder game- I keeping my fingers crossed for you. :)

Nihilistic said...

I would sing you another lullaby if I thought it would help!

gorillabuns said...

been there done that. i'm praying the news will be good news, because i just know it will be!

Anthony S. said...

Here's to wishing the best for you Ms. Sizzle.

...and by the way, giving the complete details made the story more interesting. I can understand why you'd be horrified with what was going on.

snackiepoo said...

Hahahaha - brown and discharge do not equal good times, I agree.

sue said...

Keeping good thoughts for you...

Claire said...

I can understand wanting to pull that experience out of your head.

Sending positive mojo your way.

Kerry said...

I hope everything turns out ok and its just a false alarm. That happens.... *hugs*

ocg said...

I feel your pain love... I hope you're feeling better...