Friday, June 02, 2006

Take Me As I Come 'Cause I Can't Stay Long

I wish I could stop categorizing everything as "the last" even though it very well could be. The last time I eat at the Saturn Cafe. The last time I get to march in Santa Cruz's Gay Pride parade. The last time I will go to the Boardwalk. The last. The last.

It's funny how much you can start to appreciate the people and experiences you took for granted. The ease at which I get to hang out with my dearest friends. That Jenny Two Times and I can meet for an after-work drink to unwind and chat, run into Supple and then later, all meet up at my house for more drinking and dishin' and dancing. That an impromptu gathering of my friends is just an email or call away. That I can go to lunch with a beloved co-worker and realize I should have done a lot more of that. That I have beloved co-workers. That I know all the side streets to avoid traffic. That I hardly ever have to drive on the freeway and if I do, for barely 20 minutes at a time to get around this town.

"There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them. . ."

I'm eating up any chance I get to be with my friends. My priorities are shifting and while my eye and energy are still focused on looking for employment and housing in Washington, I am trying my very best to make time for all the wonderful people I will miss when I go. I am going to the beach as often as I can and sitting in the warm sun and breathing in the ocean air. I'm saying yes to dinners and lunches and picking up the phone when it rings.

They say you can never go home again. I think that is true. I realize that after I leave many of my dearest friends here will also be on their way to new adventures. Coming home to Santa Cruz will one day not be a pit stop of old pals but a ghost town of old haunts. So now is the time to seize the day. To relish in these moments of togetherness. To feel grateful and happy and loved.

Something bigger than my move is taking hold here. I am just trying to just ride the wave until I land on shore.


Alison said...

Enjoy the ride!

kapgar said...

It's never "the last" if you don't want it to be. You've gotta come up with another way of looking at it.

Bob Merrick said...

Bon Jovi Wonders "Who Says You Can't Go Home?"

I spent 20 years tryin' to get out of this place
I was looking for something I couldn't replace
I was running away from the only thing
I've ever known
And like a blind dog without a bone

I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold
I've been there, done that, I ain't looking back
The seeds I've sown, saving dimes, spending too much time on the telephone...Who Says You Can't Go Home

Who Says You Can't Go Home
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling stone, Who Says You Can't Go Home
Who Says You Can't Go Back, Been around all around the world and that's a matter of fact

There's only one place left I want to go, Who Says You Can't Go Home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright
I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines, That I would erase
I left a million miles of memories on that road
And every step I take, I know that I'm not alone

You take the home from the boy, but not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever know, Who Says You Can't Go Home

I've been there, done that, I ain't looking back
It's been a long long road
Feels like I've never left, that's how the story goes
It doesn't matter where you are, Doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles away or just a mile up the road
Take it in, take it with you when you go, Who Says You Can't Go Home

Melissa said...

Living in the moment is its own reward. Savoring so much and being greedy with it is important.

Jacynth said...

I like that you're cherishing your final "resident" days in SC. The great thing is, Seattle isn't that far away! But CA will miss you :)

Anthony S. said...

Nice to know you have such a firm grasp of who you are and what exactly you are doing now, and what will happen in the future.

You wrote eloquently.

Bone said...

Great post about something most people go thru eventually. I especially loved the next to last paragraph.

I wonder why we don't take more advantage of the time we have to do those things when we seemingly have all the time in the world. We wait until we see it coming to an end. Or why I don't anyway.

JustRun said...

I'd ride that wave, too. Good on you for taking advantage of it.

Nihilistic said...

I truly hope you are enjoying these "last" moments!

Sunny said...

That's the up-side to moving, it makes you cherish what you have at the moment so deeply. Then, of course, you have to give it all up and move on to a new experience. It's such a mixture of sad-happiness and I think you captured it very eloquently.

Krisco said...

It's just the last time you'll do those things, as someone who lives there now.

Maybe you'll do them again someday as someone who lives there. But certainly you'll do them again next time you visit.

Fear not. !!!!

Mikey said...

See you at Pride!!

sandra said...

Sizz, I totally reconize the nostalgia-while-still-living-somewhere feeling -- and it's not easy. But in my experience, places that have been home are always home. Hopefully that's the case with you!

gorillabuns said...

i'm with sandra. you have many faces to welcome you with open arms when you visit!

Gary said...

I have good news for you. Seattle has a lot more side streets than Santa Cruz. Think of all the fun you'll have learning them all.