Monday, June 26, 2006

The Slow Hurried Pace of Good-bye

I woke up feeling as though a watermelon was lodged in my belly. The weight of all this good-bye, all these lists of things to do, the scheduling of final meetings, the incredible mess of boxes overpowering my house, the look on my pup's sweet face. . . I knew I was kind of cracking when I stood in the dog food aisle at the pet store and fought back tears. I go numb sometimes to give myself a break. This leaving feels like it is taking forever and yet it is too fast. I need more time but I want to hurry up and get there already. Sigh.

Today is my final day of work.


After being hounded by a reporter all weekend about an article he is doing on the agency, I have started to believe that leaving is the very best thing for my sanity. After hearing that I am (yet again) being scapegoated for things that are not my doing, I can only muster enough energy to hold my tongue one more day. I can't right all the wrongs or strike the perfect balance between those that operate out of fear and those that operate from their heart. It is clear that I won't walk away with any gratitude or thanks from the "powers that be" and that will be okay. Because it has to be. Because the people who made this job worthwhile are the clients, staff and volunteers I have grown to love. The camaraderie. The passion. The laughter. The struggle. My cubicle is bare but my heart is decorated with the memories of all the people that have touched my life during my four years there.

Someday I'll be able to tell you more about it once I am free of it.

10 comments:

Mrs. Ca said...

Sounds like it is the perfect day for a last day of work! Good luck, especially on the holding your tongue part - it must be really tempting to do otherwise.

Melissa said...

The scapegoat thing sucks, especially when you consider all of the time and energy you sacrifced to that company. V. unfair.

sandra said...

Almost there, Sizz -- sending good thoughts a bit South. :)

JustRun said...

Things never feel more on time then when you get to the end, I guess. You have clearly put up with so much more than you had to, but for all the right reasons.

kapgar said...

Looking forward to the stories.

Jacynth said...

Mondays are the BEST last days. You can do it!

Girl From Ipanema said...

It's evening now! Happy last day! You are free!!! Hope you're having a glass of wine and looking forward to your new adventure! :D

Nihilistic said...

Last day of work is kinda exciting though isn't it? A little? I enjoyed the day after my last day...A LOT! And I even liked my job!

Kerry said...

Sometimes the bad things in our lives turn into a blessing! We have to go thru them to get to the good stuff... its hard... but we have to believe there is something much better out there! good luck!!

Paul said...

Have a great final day.

Be sure to steal some office supplies.