Tuesday, May 16, 2006

All Over the Map

I'd describe myself as "moody" and "emotional" on any given day. These characteristics can work for and against me. Mostly I try to keep to myself when I feel particularly crabby. Like lately. I feel like my emotions are all over the map. Oh yes. You know what time it is.

I might wake in a perfectly lovely mood, cheerful that the sun is out. Then, as I am showering and shaving my legs in anticipation of wearing a skirt, my razor might break. . .and then my mood plummets down the tub drain. I might try to talk myself out of it. I might say, "Sizzle, it is OK. No one will notice you have only one and a half of your legs shaved. Who is going to touch your legs anyhow? It's not like you have a boyfriend." Great! Thanks self. Way to make me feel better.

As I am dressing for work, the skirt that in my mind mere minutes ago seemed perfect, feels uncomfortable, poofy, altogether the wrong color. Five minutes. Fifteen minutes. Time ticks away as my room becomes a slovenly mess with discarded clothes strewn everywhere. Nothing fits right! Nothing looks good! The whirlwind of negative self-talk takes hold: Why are you so fat? Why did you eat that coconut sorbet last night, aren't you trying to lose weight? Why did you buy this ugly shirt that you never wear? You are 33 and you have a blemish on your face. No wonder you are single. Plus, look at how frazzled you are over just getting an outfit together. You can't even get that right!

That's about the time I either throw a shoe against the wall or sit on my bed and cry for a few minutes. I generally feel a bit more sane post-spaz. And it is then that I am reminded that I can't ever shack up with anyone because good God I can't let them see me in my meltdown fit.

This scenario might sound eerily familiar to some of my female readers. The dreaded mood swings of PMS. Some might balk at believing that PMS does in fact exist. It does! We do not make this up. This is crazy-making bullshit. When I am like this, I want out of my head just as much as you want to not be around me. I feel your pain. Tenfold.

For a woman who, on any other day than the few leading up to her period, can make rational, intelligent decisions, who can articulate herself and her feelings in a manner that is not scattered and pessimistic, this time of the month is like being a prisoner in a mental ward- though you are the only one who is nuts.

Excuse me while I try on the new designer straight jackets. I think they have one in pink.

19 comments:

JustRun said...

Yes, that PMS is a sneaky little sucker, indeed.

gorillabuns said...

i'm suffering the SAME symptoms myself complete with a freak out at sister-in-laws home last night. for the love of god can't i just watch the last of grey's anatomy without you talking fools drowing out my alcohol fuzzy hearing loss?

***note to self. i need to drink more/less alcohol during aunt flo's visit***

sandra said...

You should see my bed right now. Well, actually you CAN'T see my bed right now. Why? Because I changed approximately 36,000 times before leaving the house today.

Bob Merrick said...

At least you can blame your ovaries. What reason do I have? I think I just had the same exact morning and then somehow ended up in the gossip pages to drive home my insanity. Aren't we supposed to feel comfort in knowing we aren't alone in feeling this way? I'm not finding much. I can't help but feel that although misery might attract itself, it certainly doesn't certainly find comfort in its own company.

snackiepoo said...

If you find a cute black straight jacket, maybe with some red pinstriping - can you send it my way please?

I so feel you as I just got done with PMS on top of my sickies and I am a mess. I find myself waking up peaceful each morning then almost working against myself and finding all of the reasons that I should not be...how messed up is THAT?

Clink said...

Eerily familiar? Got that right. And sometimes, I'm not even PMS-ing.

Can I get my pink straight jacket bedazzled?

kapgar said...

Why does it seem like the self that we strive to take care of and love more often than not is working against us? That just doesn't strike me as fair.

alissa said...

PMS totally kicks my ass most months. I think it's worse than being a mental patient because you know you're being completely irrational but just can't seem to stop the madness.

Amanda said...

OMG...I FEEL for you! Honestly. It is when you have all the emotions while carrying on ONE conversation and the person stares at you smirking like they realize what a freak you are, which doesn't help...

Bre said...

Apparently you and I had parallel mornings.. I had to go up to the main campus for a conference this morning and thought - "wouldn't my lovely navy blue suit look stunning?" and then I put it on and thought "ugh, why are my legs so freaking PASTY?!" and then promptly dismissed all of my wardrobe as boring or "too young" or "too unprofessional" or "too professional" and ended up running 15 minutes late. Lovely.

these days are the WORST!

Girl From Ipanema said...

oh it sooo exists...

ride through it, Sizz...there's always next month to look forwar to...

Mrs. Ca said...

OMG I can so relate today. I almost threw my cell phone at a clerk at a store today because she just didn't get it. I told her 5 times no black or white, and what did she keep bringing me? Black and white. Okay, that probably would have been annoying even if I weren't PMSing, but seriously. I was about to kill her. Hope you're feeling better tonight than you were this morning (and I've found that diet or not, a klondike bar always helps).

Mikey said...

Throw the shoe, get the straight jacket, eat the sorbet and tell yourself your an amazing person.

Jenster said...

I sooo hate those days. They are the worst. Nothing goes right. Everything you do takes three times longer than usual. If it can go wrong, it will. Nothing you put on looks right, even though it was totally cute last month. Those are the days I wish I didn't have to get out of bed. Those are the days that I cry uncontrollably while watching Grey's Anatomy.

Ugh.

Gary said...

NIce PMS post. I hope you finished shaving your legs. :)

jjjj said...

oh my. i didnt read the post because i found another perfect crab clip art. cool cool cool. i'm sooo stealing it.

Nihilistic said...

I just don't know what to say!...Ummm...Well...*SMILES*

Anthony S. said...

Is their a male equivalent to PMS, for those guys with terrible mood swings? Is there another word for it, other than "the guy that doesn't get laid?"

I'm talking about a friend of mine, of course...

kilax said...

Wow... I get in this bad ruts where I talk to myself and swear out loud and hit things... you are not the only one! ;) I think we can all relate!

(PS is that crabby from Mutts comics?)