I am just getting by. It's ok to "just get by" for a bit but it isn't how I like to live my life. I've had to numb out in certain areas because other areas have taken up more time and energy. And yet I know that ultimately things will have to fall apart before they can be put back together again.
That's true of most things. Sometimes even we have to fall apart to make ourselves more whole. Everywhere I turn my friends are struggling. It is worrisome even though they will ultimately be fine- more than fine, really. It is all part of the journey even though right now many of them feel like life is unbearable. I don't have the answers. All I have are hugs and hours to listen and "I love you." I have a lot of the same questions about love that they do- when will I find a partner I can make it work with, why is it so hard to be in a relationship, what is wrong with me, etc. It is easy to get so bogged down with the questions we close ourselves off to the answers.
Today's meditation goes out to my friends who are deep in the thick of it. Maybe that is you? Take what you can from it and try, if just for today, to go easy on yourself.
(From The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo)
When Edison was discovering the light bulb, he first engaged in a process of envisioning how an unseeable current of energy could be harnessed and turned into light. Like most of us, the vision came first. Once he understood what came to him, it took quite some time to find the precise material that would work as a filament in the bulb itself.
Later, when asked if he ever grew discouraged or thought he was wasting his time, Edison said no, he learned something important each time he tried. He learned that there was another material not to be used.
The lessons here are very telling and transferable, especially to how we seek our calling in the world and to how we seek out love. To be willing to envision what we need is powerful and real, and just as crucial is the confidence of spirit to know that it will work, even though we haven't found where we belong or whom to love yet. Equally vital is the perseverance in trying to find what will work.
But perhaps the most inspiring part of Edison's journey is how he didn't view his many attempts as any type of failure on his part, but rather as an inevitable part of the process of discovery.
Finally, after all this, we are challenged, scientist and lover alike, to use what we discover and live in the light.
*Center yourself, and as you breathe, envision what you need to live more fully.
*As you inhale, commit to trying to find this today without judging what happens.
*As you exhale, commit to making use of whatever it is you discover.