Oh, The O

The Tomato and I have an agreement. He is not allowed to speak of The O. I have enforced this rule for a couple of years now because, frankly, The O topic was getting out of hand.

Too many people were privvy to this private information without my prior approval. There had been times where I had arrived to a party or gathering and someone, an acquaintance or stranger, would bring up The O. Usually after some cocktails. I am not that easily flustered but it would throw me for a loop. I am quick to blush and we all know I am a horrible liar so. . . you can imagine how that played out. I am not embarassed about the situation, mind you. Frustrated? Yes. Embarassed? Not so much. I just don't like to be caught off guard. I'm a Type A planner. I'm like the Red Cross for personal disasters. I need to have a game plan.

Take this for an example: I am asleep in my bed many years ago. Warm, toasty, cozy if you will. I am in dreamland when my cell phone rings. It's late, like 1:30am. I answer and a drunk Tomato is laughing hysterically on the other end of the line. He tells me that he is in a limo with the boys from *NSYNC but it is difficult to understand him through his drunken slurred speech and ocassional outburst of laughter. He tells me to hold on and then passes the phone to a member of the boy band. One of them asks, "Is it true? Did you have sex with Tomato?" I admit that yes, we did indeed do the deed.

This was greeted with laughter. You see, anyone who meets Tomato nowadays would think the idea of him with a girl pretty ludicrous. His gayness isn't a secret though it was (to me) back when we dated. Ok, ok. So other people were clued in but that is not the point of this story. Focus, please.

So then Lance or Joey or Justin, I don't remember who, asks, "Is it true he gave you your only orgasm?"

I'm not that starstruck. The part that bothered me about a boy band member asking me such a personal question in the middle of the night from a limo with my drunk best friend was that he already knew private information about me. I can spill my own beans, thank you very much. That's when I decided to say "enough" to the TMI on The O.

I will give Tomato credit. He's kept his mouth shut, drunk or not. At least, the late night inquiries have stopped. And I have gone to a number of gatherings where not one person has asked me about The O. I am just grateful this topic is off limits or else my newest crush would have had an earful. Phew!