Monday, February 27, 2006

Hair Apparent

The rain has come. And it brought with it my desire to stay in bed with a cup of tea and a good book. Not that I can do that with work calling but still, a girl can dream. What's the point in going out in a torrential downpour? It will only make my hair frizzy and unmanageable.

Speaking of hair, the other day I was talking with my friend Mr. Martha (as I call him because he is so Martha Stewart but with way better outfits at Gay Pride). He likes to give me fashion advice. Some days he will give me the once-over and say in his Salvadoran accent, "Honey, this outfit is working for you. Mmmhmm." I like those days. But the other day as we stood there talking, we got on the topic of hair. I said that my roots were showing. He gave a glance to the offending grays and said, with a bit of a snicker, "Honey, you've gotta take care of that." I countered with, "I was thinking I could start a new trend of embracing gray hair. Hey, if Taylor can do it, so can I!" He wouldn't budge. "No! You will look OLD," he said with an aghast look on his face. (This from a man in his 40's with black hair speckled with salt and pepper strands.)

Would I? I have been coloring my hair since I was 17. I have all but forgotten what my "natural" hair color is. I recall it was something of a mousy brown, dull and lifeless. So not me. I've run the gamut from fiery redhead to smoldering brunette to white hot blonde. Why not go gray? It's so difficult to be unique nowadays. This could really set me apart. AND save me buckets of money cuz looking this good takes mad cash and a good two hours at the salon. It's almost embarrassing.

Speaking of embarrassing, I once let the Tomato color my hair. There were a bunch of us hanging out at his apartment- Mikey and Jenny Two Times were there- and we all got the idea to color our hair. Tomato convinced me that I would look stunning with some blonde streaks in my (then) red hair. He always has had a way of convincing me. (Damn you Tomato!) He puts the plastic cap on my head and proceeds to use the hook thingamabob to pull strands of hair through the holes. He is not delicate. I am pretty sure pieces of my tender scalp were lost in the effort. He applies the bleaching solution and we all sit there, with our respective dyes on our heads, talking and watching TV. When it came time to rinse the color out, I leaned over the bathtub and Tomato set about rinsing out the color. As he rinsed, he began to chuckle. He tried to hold back his laughter but his laugh is not one to be contained. It is as big as his personality. I began to panic. Asking him, with water streaming in my eyes and mouth, "What!? What IS it!?" He said "Nothing!" as he firmly held my head under the water. I knew something was up. "WHAT!? What did you DO!?" To which his laugh burst forth and I jumped up from the bathtub, head dripping wet, to peer into the mirror.

To my horror, my reflection showed that I had turned into a calico cat.

There were red pieces that gradually became orange which then became yellow and then white. All in one strand! It was patchy and multicolored. It was . . .horrendous. The others flocked to the bathroom after hearing my shriek of horror. They couldn't contain their laughter either. It was, in retrospect, hilarious but at the time, I was devastated. My hair. My hair looked like a cat!

I grabbed a baseball cap from Tomato and made my way home. When I got up in the morning I ran into my sister in the hallway. She looked at me surprised and asked "Ummm, what happened to your hair?" Oops! I had forgotten in my slumber the mortification that was my current 'do. We rushed off to the local beauty supply store for bleach. After three sessions of bleaching my hair, I turned into a Sharon Stone impersonator. It actually ended up being one of my favorite hair colors.

Apparently, I am a hair chameleon.

18 comments:

jeopardygirl said...

Whoever that cat is, he's sitting on MY couch! That's my couch! It looks just like that. Come to think of it, put a few grey and orange stripes on that cat, and you've got my Mowgli, too. sheesh. the world is too small.

sandra said...

Sizz, my hair hasn't been in its natural state in so long that I can't really remember it either (although for the record, my mom thinks it's "really pretty"). I'm not sure I can give up the dying, though...it's just so fun!

Bob Merrick said...

You're mother wouldn't speak to you for two weeks after I dyed your hair red.

But you loved it once peace was restored.

And from the calico mistake was born one of your sassiest and sexiest hair colors and dos...

So I have no regrets for my impact on your folicles.

In fact, I will just say, "you're welcome."

Kevin said...

I wish I had enough hair to have a proverbial "natural state." Alas, it is a bit late in the race for that one.

gorillabuns said...

i don't want to know what my true color is that's mixed with my major white hair. i just prefer to go on believing that i'm a red head at heart and will continue to process the last strands of hair until i die.

Claire said...

One of my two favorite hairdressers of all time said, "Don't ever let them make you dye it," upon noticing the small grey streak I'd had since 16.

The usual response for over a decade was a bit of a scream, followed by, "Oh my god, did you know you have grey hair?!!!!"

The one time I did dye it (red) on a whim one afternoon with friends happened to be done by a gay man. He gave me a trim and plucked my eyebrows while he was at it. I know that once-over look well.

Melissa said...

I have never had the courage to color my hair. I'll likely always be "almost black". Good on you!

ocg said...

I have had a similar dying experience (that doesn’t sound quite right). My best friend, Le, convinced me she could make my dark locks a gorgeous blond. A couple of bottles of hair bleach later, I had hair that started at the roots at florescent yellow shade then melded into an orange then down to a... reddish (?) color. I know your calico cat color well. I had a wedding rehearsal the following day that I was late to, as my hairdresser took five hours to try and fix the mess I created. (Yeah, I saved a TON of money by doing it at home by myself. Urg.)

AND

I think you only want to go gray because of your new love, Mr. Hicks, and you think you will stand out to him when you run into him "accidentally".

;-)

Sarcomical said...

hooray for hair chameleons! i LOVE coloring my hair, it's a great way to feel different about yourself. i've been waaay blonde, black, brown, red, and stuff in between. ;)

glad you recovered from the calico incident.

Mikey said...

Your too good looking to embrace your gray yet. Btw I think I saw the Sam Kinison lady one street over from me today. Do you live near me?

Jacynth said...

There's nothing like hair-tastrophes! I once had a hair "stylist" (notice the quotes) give me layers (by my request). I turned around in the middle to see she was reading a "how to" manual. I ended up having to cut my hair to the shortest layer. She sucked!

Amanda said...

That is awesome Sizz! I myself have been every shade of the rainbow. I am now back to my natural state with white hairs and everything..It was fun to do it!

Rabbit said...

My mother used to highlight my hair for me. It came out stunning. Then she convinced me to let my sister highlight it once.

I haven't yet built up the courage to color my hair again.

Jurgen Nation said...

Like you, I have NO IDEA what my real hair color is. I've been doing something to it since I was 12. I don't know if I could ever go au naturale - getting my hair done is one thing I really look forward to. I love sitting in that chair! I love coming out with a new hair color every 8 weeks! I've been seeing my stylist for 10 years now - my longest relationship ever. Sigh. I heart him so.

Mr_Rodacre said...

I thought the title of your post was extremely clever, miss sizzle.

Jenster said...

I used to be a bit of a hair cameleon myself, although, I never ventured into the blond zone. I decided to stop coloring my hair a couple of years ago. So I get one of my nieces to go through my hair and pluck out those grays. I think gray is okay on a guy, but it just makes us gals look old. I hate to say that! Unfortunatly, at the rate I'm going, I won't have any hair left by April if I let my niece keep plucking it. So I may have to seek out my old friend, Miss Clarol before long!

Bill said...

Having never dyed my hair, I'm not sure what this is worth. But good grief, "You'll look old." Shit, I wish people would quit worrying about looking old and worry about acting old. What is acting old? Acting old is scrambling around to make yourself look young - like an animated pile of human bullshit. I'm so tired of these aging losers who dye their hair and bust their humps to look young ... then can't keep their freakin' eyes open past 9:00.

Also ... it's not a question of being gray, it's a question of how you wear the gray ... or blonde ... or brunette or whatever. Some of the most striking women I've seen had gray hair. It wasn't just the colour, it was the cut, the style, the facial make-up (or lack thereof) etc.

People can colour their hair and end up looking like Ronald McDonald.

Instead of worrying about looking old, people should worry about looking as good as they can - hopefully without pretending they are something they are not.

Sorry ... this seems to be a topic that strikes a nerve. (Having said all that - should I dye my beard? It's gone gray! Does it make me look old?)

Bre said...

Once upon a time in high school, I thought "Tahitian Treat" was the perfect color for my hair. Now I look at pictures and cringe. When I was little I had gorgeous blonde hair that has now, in my dottage, started to take a horifying turn towards... BROWN!

I can't deal, so I happily write the check for highlights every 4-6 months and fortify my hair with "blondening" moisturizers and conditioning treatments.

Is it worth all the trouble? HELL YES! I love being blonde!

But then... I've never had the cajones to try any other color out....