Sunday, January 15, 2006

100 Things

1. I have worn glasses since I was 5.
2. I am a crossword junkie.
3. I can put my foot in my mouth- literally and figuratively.
4. I like my feet. They are pretty.
5. My fingers are double jointed which generally freaks people out.
6. The first time I ate sushi I was 24.
7. Sushi is my favorite food now.
8. Red wine makes my nose stuffed up.
9. I am horribly bad at relaxing.
10. I think I might be Type A.
11. I once hit a car in a parking lot and drove to the other side of the lot to park so no one would find out.
12. I didn't leave a note.
13. I still feel bad.
14. I am prone to serious pangs of guilt.
15. I blame Catholicism.
16. I went to Catholic school for 13 years. Wore a uniform and everything.
17. Except for one quarter at a public school my Freshman year. I hated public school.
18. I don't know how to ski.
19. I am deathly afraid of heights and have experienced vertigo.
20. My whole life I have been told "You have such a pretty face. . ." and I have always believed the end of that sentence is "too bad you are fat." I've always been chubby.
21. I walked 13 miles in the San Diego Walk & Roll Marathon.
22. I thought I would never make it. But I did.
23. I've always wanted to be an athlete.
24. More than that though, I have always wanted to be a singer. I used to practice singing onto a cassette recorder to hear myself.
25. I get very, very nervous at karaoke. That is why I am usually drunk when I do it.
26. I am about 89% sure I am vain.
27. I prefer Ella over Billie.
28. I love Jazz.
29. I say I don't want to get married but secretly, I want someone to want to marry me.
30. I am afraid of disappointing people.
31. I had a mini-nervous breakdown when I turned 30.
32. I am still learning how to receive love.
33. My dad was an alcoholic. He tried to quit but it didn't stick.
34. I used to search the house for the hidden bottles of alcohol and then dump them all out in the sink. Then I would line them up on the kitchen counter for him to find. He would take them to the trash but he never spoke to me about it.
35. I am deeply afraid of betrayal. Of people promising me something important and not fulfilling it. Of love not being enough.
36. I miss my dad all the time.
37. He died when I was 19.
38. I worry about bringing people down with too much seriousness. I think that is why I like to make people laugh.
39. My younger sister is my best friend.
40. I used to say I was adopted but really I just wanted attention. I thought everyone loved her more.
41. She is a gifted photographer.
42. My mom is a very generous, headstrong and resilient woman.
43. She and I are very much alike so sometimes we don't get along.
44. I admire her more than I could ever tell her.
45. As a kid, I wanted to be a cheerleader, then a vet, then a therapist, then a writer. Now, I just work at a non-profit and am not sure what I should be doing with my life.
46. I swear a lot. Like a sailor.
47. I would classify myself as a "broad" not a "lady." (see #46)
48. I have a tattoo but I don't like it.
49. My real first name is an Irish last name.
50. I have really straight teeth thanks to years of orthodontia. I was supposed to wear head gear but I would always throw it off in the midst of sleep only to awake to find it flung across the room.
51. I still love my ex. This is very problematic since he has a new girlfriend and they live together.
52. I am afraid of commitment because I don't want to fail.
53. I am a klutz.
54. I have a lot of gray hair that I cover up with a good dye job.
55. I liked high school.
56. I was the Vice President of my school my Senior year.
57. For my speech I changed the words to "New York, New York" sung by Frank Sinatra. I danced and sang in front of the entire school.
58. My first boyfriend is gay.
59. He is one of my best friends.
60. Go figure.
61. I like porn and erotica.
62. I think being sexy has more to do with inner beauty than outer.
63. I am a very affectionate person and a fantastic hugger.
64. But an even better kisser.
65. I type very fast and with all my fingers on the correct keys.
66. I will admit that I am not the best driver.
67. That has nothing to do with me being female.
68. I graduated with a B.A. in Women's Studies and a minor in Literature.
69. I am a certified Women's Self-defense Instructor.
70. I can and will kick your ass if so provoked.
71. I am a fierce defender of underdogs.
72. I write poetry.
73. I will never be as good as e.e. cummings.
74. I would like to have a famous quote. Like someday when I am old or dead, I will be remembered for something wise I said.
75. I think leaving a legacy is important.
76. I am only living up to about 69% of my potential.
77. I let the bad attitudes of others negatively influence my life.
78. I really want to meditate but I don't have the patience.
79. In typical Aries fashion, I am incredibly impatient. (And impetuous.)
80. Why is this list taking so long?
81. See? Exactly what I was saying in #79.
82. I filed for bankruptcy a few years ago.
83. I am still a bit embarassed about that.
84. I worry that if blog friends ever met me in person, they wouldn't like me as much.
85. My grandmother was a big worrier. I think I inherited that from her.
86. My first car was a cherry red 1966 Ford Mustang.
87. I had a lot of sex in it.
88. I think pickles are gross. I refuse to eat them.
89. I enjoy doing the dishes but I hate taking out the trash.
90. I think that means I will make a good wife. Ha! ;)
91. I want to be a mom. A really, really good one.
92. I will probably adopt or be a foster parent.
93. I actually really like who I am.
94. Ok, I love who I am. Perfectly flawed I call it.
95. I can't drink coffee. It makes me tired.
96. I love stormy weather.
97. Slow dancing is incredibly romantic to me.
98. I remember my parents slow dancing together when I was a kid.
99. I hope there is a lot of slow dancing in my future.
100. To fully live an authentic existence, you cannot let fear rule. Taking the risk to be vulnerable or bold is worth any momentary feelings of discomfort. Love who you are enough to be who you are in all its complexity. (That's my mantra for 2006.)


Bill said...

Wow. 100 things ... I would have run out of gas at around 20. It would be interesting to print each on out on a card and carry them around as conversation starters. "What will we talk about? Oh, here's card #48. I have a tattoo. Do you? I don't like mine ..."

Well, it's a thought. I was also thinking if I made a list like this, I wouldn't be able to stop adding jokes to them, like:

"I have only had one orgasm my entire life. But it has lasted a VERY long time."

I, too, spent years at Catholic schools wearing jackets and ties. I'm also the only altar boy I know who got fired. Yes, Father Bolan turfed me.

My father was an alcoholic as well. Interesting fact: there is no weight in the world greater than a naked, all-but-passed out drunk who has to be put to bed. Try lifting that! (He was naked because he was trying to put himself to bed. Unfortunately, he kept falling on his ass.)

Anyway ... quite a list. Each one seems worth a post.

Mr_Rodacre said...

#4 - it is true - your feet are quite pretty

#29 - ah-HA!

#51 - I don't have a new girlfriend... JK! ;-)

#64 - and how!

#69 - I still think you should flip people...

#94 - refer to last year's birthday present

Rabbit said...

I'm pretty sure my last boyfriend is gay, despite the fact he insisted he is simply a "gentleman" (five years, no sex . . . someone's in denial).

I understand the Catholic guilt (thanks Mom) and the lack of patience (thanks Dad).

Great list!

ocg said...

Doesn’t it feel better now that you have gotten all of this out? I love this list… and I know I would love you if… no… when I meet you!!!

double B said...

You ARE a writer.

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

I'm always delighted to see somebody do this. Thanks for sharing! :)

Bex said...

love the list!

Lushy said...

#84: I'm certain that WHEN we meet, I will like you even more than I do now, if that is possible. You rock.

Moonchild said...

Wow thanks for sharing so many private things. However I could eat home made dill pickles all day long and nothing else. Great list. As for the orgasm... I can only have them doing it alone, never have had it done by an actual real life male. I wouldn't be too concerned about it. It's also nice to know... I'm not the only one who was with a boyfriend who ended up being gay. Small world.

Nihilistic said...

I think you found your #74 in #100. We are usually more ourselves in what we write than we are in person. So...I may not "know" you, but I can tell you that I already really like you! Awesome list Sizz!

Krisco said...

I love your mantra. I believed in your mantra but did not always live it, so far in my life.

Maybe if I had clearly stated it, as you have, that would have helped.

Nathan said...

Great list. Enjoyable to read. Fun. Funny. Real. Reminded me to accept my flaws. #75 popped for me. I forgot about legacy. I used to want to live a legacy - in particular, a mathematical formula that would be named after me. I created the formula to determine the area of the surface of a hackey sack ("Wauk's Formula for the Surface Area of a Hackey Sack"), which if you weren't aware, is made of two peices of material stiched together and so not quite spherical. I tried very hard to discover what a 2-sided shape would look like to no avail. A circle is a one-sided shape. A triangle is a three sided shape. A square is a 4-sided shape, and so on. I am still intrigued by the mystery of the missing 2-sided shape. So thanks for the list, in part because it's inspiring, and also because it reminded me of a dream of mine that was good to reminisce on.

geezer squeezer! said...

you wear glasses? everyone,chant with me...'FOUR EYES FOUR EYES FOUR EYES!'


alissa said...

I think I would like you even more in person :) Great List! Thanks for putting yourself out there - every day.

alissa said...

and I think you should have dinner with Sandra and I when I come out to SF in March!

Melissa said...

You are so fabulous! I love how human you are, that you are so open to your own vulnerable side. You always make me feel like it's ok to have my weaknesses so long as I embrace them and keep working on them. That having flaws is normal and even endeering.

goldmoon said...

Beautiful list, Siz. And I'm sure we'd all like you even MORE in person.

circe said...

I think you are totally wonderful...

Amanda said...

Very cool Sizz! I couldn't do 11 things about myself...go figure.

Anonymous said...

you and i share items 9, 14, 30, 32, 46, 47, 66, 71, 74, 84 and 96. Oh, and i promise that if your bloggy friends met you in person they would love you ten times more than they already do.

:-) jules

Jenny said...

i admire so much about you strive for truth, share yourself with the world, help us pull the light out of the dark, make us laugh and dance and laugh some more...all of this imperfectly perfect. knowing how all of this shapes you, and us, makes us love you more.

"Can you imagine us
Years from today,
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange
To be seventy.
Old friends,
Memory brushes the same years,
Silently sharing the same fear..."
-Simon & Garfunkel

i've said this many times to you...and i'll say it again...YOU are a gift to those who love you...

annie said...

Swear like a sailor here. That's not the only thing you and I have in common, either.

Thanks for being brave, and for your wonderful writing.

sandra said...

My god, there are SO many of those that are me, too. Crazy.

I think you probably rock in person, too, by the way. :)

whoorl said...

#84? Pshaw. I'm completely positive you would be just as fascinating in person! :)

Sizzle said...

I just want to state for the record that each and every comment you have posted has touched my heart. I never expected such an outpouring of comment love.


D'Andre said...

You seem to have a great group of blog buddies, so that says a lot. Regarding #10; go to this Type A Quiz and you will know for sure...

I will be back to check on you as I have enjoyed getting to know a bit more about you.

Bob Merrick said...

How come I'm not allowed to brag about your one orgasm and you get to share it with the world?? So I shared it with a few boy band members and a TV doctor... what's the big whoop??

gorillabuns said...

we totally have a lot in common.
love crosswords, check
hit a car and moved, check
boyfriend gay, check
and many more....
i wouldn't revisit all the time if you weren't a fascinating person!

Claire said...

Great list. The way you've put yourself out there is a reminder to me of what I need to get back to in my own writing. I wish I weren't so groggy right now.

Alicat said...

I agree with ya in always feeling like the 'you have such a pretty face' compliment is really a backwards diss. The next girl that says that to me is going to get a verbal slapping.

kim e said...

Wonderful list! I don't think I know enough about myself to come up with 100 whole things.

#49 is has me thinking... My daughter has an Irish boy's name!

Thanks for sharing :)

BD said...

A nice list, but they are never really lists. Like an abridged effort at the ins and outs. I should get round to it, 1. I do not look like Che Guevara...

sue said...

Oh, my... just reading your list makes me wish even more that you weren't waaaay out on that coast there. I think we could be very good buddies... uh... not that we're not, but I mean in person... you know... gee, see what I mean? Foot in mouth. ;)

Will said...

May I feel said he
(I'll squeal said she....

Actually, I prefer:
I carry your heart with me(I carry it in my heart)

Like your site. I plan on coming back to read more. Thanks!

Pink Lemonade Diva said...

here via sandra. loved your list.

Amy Guth said...

SIZ! What year did you do the San Diego marathon? I have done it too!

snackiepoo said...

#33 - Yeah mine too but he's been sober for 25 years. It is one of the hardest things to deal with as a child growing up and now I understand why a lot of your internal shit is like mine.

#84 = retarded.
I am looking forward to meeting you 100% and I know we will have a faboo time together.

#77 - I gave up that ghost a few years ago and let me tell feels good.

#26 - I am right there with you. I might add another 5% ;)