Thursday, November 03, 2005

Hello? Who Is This?

Dear Crank Caller,

Ok. Ok! You heard about my suspension. I get it. It is clear you have strong feelings about my boss- as in, you do not like him one bit. As in you loathe him and think him crazy. Your attempts at disguising your voice are pretty mediocre. I know who you are.

Maybe you are trying to be supportive in your own warped way. But really, you are creeping me out. Leaving me multiple messages in some high pitched, warbled voice screeching, "Suspended!" and then hanging up. Or that one, it's probably my favorite out of the five, that sounds like you are inflicted with a major speech impediment or have recently suffered a stroke. You make a half-yell, half-tortured sound and then quickly rush through saying "C________ S_________ is MAAAAAAD!" I had to listen to it about eight times to decipher the message. Really, good work. You must have practiced that over and over to perfect it like that.

Are you on anti-psychotic meds? No? Hmmm. That concerns me. Do you have a lot of free time? Yes? I thought so. I suggest getting a hobby. Something soothing, like bird watching. And maybe a visit to your therapist. No, don't delay. Every moment counts in severe cases such as yours.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice but you're kind of weirding me out. I've had about enough. In case you didn't get the message, I want you to Knock. It. Off. Or as my Dad used to say, "Stick it in your ear, buddy!"

Sincerely,

Ms. Sizzle

17 comments:

Bill said...

How old is this bonehead? I think the last time I did anything like that I was probably 14.

sort of off topic ... Years ago my father got a call about 1 a.m. Wrong number; they wanted to order a pizza. So he took the order and went back to bed.

I thought that was so funny.

sue said...

Can it get any worse? Sheesh... I'm sorry, but I. Hate. Phones.

kim e said...

No fair - now you have to tell us who it is!

(it's ok, you can whisper it in my ear)

Sizzle said...

kim- knowing who it is wouldn't actually make the story any better i don't think. i do have believe it is a guy that was fired last january (along with 5 of our coworkers). he had worked here for 9 years and is rightfully angry and spiteful. after how i was treated last week, i think i "get" how he could be feeling (though it is likely multiplied by 500.

bill- your father is a crack up. i love it!

sue- let's not ask if it can get worse. i fear the answer to that!

gorillabuns said...

use a whistle in his ear or a horn the next time he calls.

circe said...

I think the whistle is a good idea.

Sizzle said...

just for the record, he doesn't actually call when i would pick up the phone. he only leaves voicemails.

if i could, i would use the whistle idea. ;)

Mo-Pie said...

"Is your sub refrigerator running?"

"Why yes, yes it is."

"Well then you'd better run get it!!"

Ahhh...

...bran muffin.

Jenny said...

yeah, fricken creepy! and yeah, i bet it is who you think it is. hopefully you won't have to pull any self-defense moves on them!

i have to tell you, every time i read that quote your Dad used to say, i can imagine him saying it and it makes me smile. today, it made me laugh. priceless.

Moonchild said...

Next time blow a whistle really loud into the phone.

Mr_Rodacre said...

Why are people so damned immature?

Do you have caller ID on your phone at work? Does your voicemail allow you to place a call back to the caller? Mine does.

Perhaps you could start your own crank calls back to the caller? Just be sure to block your own caller ID before calling. They show you how in the front of the phone book.

I seem to be a wealth of stealthy knowledge for you recently...

Melissa said...

Change your outgoing message to something along the lines of "Hi, it's Ms. Sizz here, say something nice to me and I'll call you back. Oh, and if your that dirty ball sack, and yes I know who you are, that keeps cranking me I'm calling the cops." *BEEP*

Jenster said...

Some people are just lame!

Alissa said...

You even have creepy supporters!

goldmoon said...

Tee hee. I know it's creepy, but it's still kinda funny.

GiddyGirlie said...

for the record, mine was the message from Playboy, wanting an impromtu bust measurement, to be held in the backseat of my van.

sorry for the lousy trick.

Amanda said...

That is very creepy...