Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Confessions of a List Addict

Hi. My name is Sizzle and I am a listaholic. As part of my recovery, I am required to share some of my lists. It is supposed to be therapeutic. I have a working list of my "quirks." This is the first in an installment of list-sharing posts. Consider yourself forewarned.

Sizzle's Quirks (Take 1)

1. If I find a hair in my food, I am done. D.O.N.E. I don't pluck it out and continue eating. The meal is ruined. Period. End of story.

2. I sometimes say "buh-bye" and it annoys me almost as much as when I say "per se."

3. I can't wear socks to bed. My feet need to breathe. I know feet don't breathe and yet, they feel choked with socks on. Sometimes I try to trick my feet into wearing socks to bed but about 5 minutes into laying there, they are off. Can feet be claustrophobic?

4. I am claustrophobic. This might be a direct result from the multiple times my sister and I would take turns locking each other in the trunk of my Dad's car when we were kids. We'd try to see who could hold out longer. My competitive nature would force me to endure longer than I was actually comfortable doing. Now, I am scarred for life. Dark, confined places = No thanks.

5. I hate being patted. I find the pat to be very condescending and not at all heart warming or sweet. I don't care if you intend it to be a nice gesture. I am not a dog. Do not pat me. You will lose big points if you pat me. And you will know it by the look of complete disdain I will give you. Seriously, do not pat me. You will regret it. (But spanking is ok.)

6. My face does not lie. Hence, I am a horrible liar. I gave up lying a long, long time ago. I would try to fib but my Mom would just look at me and I would easily break under her gaze. I figured out early on that lying is just a shitload more work than telling the truth. At least I am learning the art of diplomacy.

7. I love ordering office supplies, visiting office supply stores, and looking at office supply catalogs. Of course, all the while dreaming of spending someone else's money. Ah, post its, ballpoint pens, filing systems- you make my heart flutter!

8. I know how to swing dance but because a) I am a bossy leader and b) I took a class with my younger, smaller sister, I lead when I swing dance. I can't help it. This might be one of the many reasons why I am still single. One time, Dokey and I were practicing and I tried to toss her side to side, from my right hip to my left hip and well. . .let's just say it's a good thing she didn't get a concussion or break her neck. I still cut a mean rug. Just don't let me flip you.

9. When I was a wee tot, I would purposely wake my sister from her afternoon nap because I wanted to play. I once climbed atop a trunk to pull open the blinds and in doing so, fell off and broke my collarbone.

10. I used to eat shrimp tails, unbeknownst to me. I was dining at the fine dining establishment that is Sizzler (no, not where my nickname comes from) with my then-boyfriend. As we ate our fried shrimp, he looked at me in utter horror as he asked, "Where are your tails?" To which I replied, "What tails?" I think he may have choked a bit on his drink when he sputtered, "The shrimp tails! You know those will come out in your poop and hurt your butt." Uh, no, I didn't know that. And that is why I a) don't eat at Sizzler anymore, b) don't eat fried shrimp and c) never look at my own poop.


Neil said...

Now I want to meet you and ask you all these embarrassing questions, since obviously your face cannot lie.

whoorl said...

office supplies are the BEST. avery HI-LITERs and colored fine point uni-balls are my favorite.

Bob Merrick said...

I believe my exact words were, "they will hurt when they come back out."

I would have never used your embarassing colorful language! (at least not then)


Anonymous said...

Please tell us more about those spankings pats you like...Have you been getting enough?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sizzle said...

neil- NOW you want to meet me? like you didn't before? hmphf. ;)

whoorl- you and me and office max- watch out!

tomato- yeah, that was it. i like my colorful language rendition. ;)

anonymous- what a bold question! and sadly, no.

Wombat & Aspen said...

Sizz -

How delightful there is a woman out there who likes her feet au naturel in bed. Sigh.

Have you ever thought about having an entire Office Depot to yourself for a weekend? The thought of skipping about the legal pads and romping in the arch files...

Is that wrong?


Lushy said...

Well, that just solidified it. We are soul twins. Everything except for numbers 9 & 10. Plus, you are an airport early arriver/line stander too!

Sizzle said...

wombat- why sigh? it's good news isn't it? and there you go describing one of my secret fantasies. ;)

lushy- we were made to be friends. :)

Bill said...

I can't dance to save my life but love it nonetheless. But I think I might be afaid to dance with you. I don't mind a partner who leads since I don't know how - but that tossing around business? I'm quite light. You'd probably pitch me through the roof.

And the socks to bed business ... One day I'm going to write about that since this is an important issue that is much on my mind as winter approached.

(Ooh ... and I love Neil's idea.)

sue said...

1.I'm with you on this one. For SURE.
2.You would annoy the hell out of me. Please do NOT say buh-bye in my presence. Thanks.
3.Me neither! What's UP with that? I can be FREEZING and they just won't put up with that extra cozy layer. Anywhere else but in bed, yes. In bed, not a chance.
4.I can't get past the fact you LOCKED EACH OTHER IN THE TRUNK. Sick children. Seriously sick. Me? I'm agoraphobic to a degree and whatever the one is where you don't like heights. Can't even think what it's called now.
5.Oh, ME TOO. Do not TOUCH me AT ALL unless you are my beloved family members. I mean it. Don't even touch me if you are a family member who isn't on the beloved list. I will hurt you. Bad.
6.My face can lie, but my neck cannot. I blush like a tomato to the underside of my chin. I have to wear turtlenecks to go to job interviews or if I know there will be a confrontation of some kind and I don't want the other person to know I'm upset or fibbing.
7.THIS ONE ROCKS! YES YES YES! I don't know what it is, but I've passed this gene on to at least one family member (Em). We LOVE office supplies. I cannot have enough pens, pencils, markers, tablets, file folders, sticky notes... oh, you name it... what a geek. I see as I read this I am really pathetic. So are you. ;)
8.okay, you've got me on this one. I don't dance. Period. Slow dance with Hubby only after he's had enough alcohol to get on the dance floor. That's it.
9.I had no brothers or sisters, however I once stripped a whole wall of wallpaper in my grandmothers' bedroom while I was supposed to be napping... I was 4.
10.Oh. UGH. My husband STILL does this. It drives me crazy. I love boiled shrimp ala shrimp cocktail, or grilled un-breaded with butter ala lobster. However, I cannot stand to listen to him eat shrimp.
Oh, and that C.)? Good call.

Thanks for sharing! Look forward to more lists. (I don't know why, but I was raised making lists and can't seem to stop. I'm a HUGE listmaker.)

kathryn said...

I am with you on your hair in the food policy. Hair + food = NEXT!

No patting...good to know.

No socks to bed?! You are a philistine! (Of course, I'm kidding - I've always wanted to call someone a philistine and even though you're not, I picked you anyway)

I love your list!!

em said...

1) Hair? I pretend its doghair, pick it out, and move on. And now everyone who meets me will look for a can of lysol after I leave.
2) I say "mmmbye". And I hate it equally.
3) Socks=noose in bed. So much so that I make husband take them off, even if his feet are the icy cold toes of death.
4)I used to play "IceQueen" in my parent's old freezer...if that pork chop wedged in the door ever fell out...don't let my mom read this.
5)Don't touch me unless we're related by blood and you've passed the 2 year screening process. The receiving line at my wedding was accompanied by the inner monologue of "yuck, yuck, yuck".
6)I lie and I'm good at it. Too good, sometimes.
7)That joyful frolicking music comes up in my brain when I enter an Office Depot or Staples.
8)I can't dance, therefore I make a mockery of it...better to have people laugh with me than at me.
9)Never broke anything...just dislocated a toe kicking a coffeetable.
10)We had a cat eat a waterballoon once. It got "lodged" on the way out. Make any association you want. Gross, but funny.

Jenster said...

I love lists. I make lists for everything. I cannot tell you how many times I pull out old, random lists from my coat pockets. I love crossing things off of lists almost as much as I like making them. :)

1. I'm with you on this one. I won't even continue to eat it even if I know it's my own hair. In fact, I can be so weird about what's in my food, that I can stand to eat meat while it's still on the bone. But, that's another story all together.

2. Now that I think about it, I have a tendency to say buh-bye too. I never realized that before. Hmm...

3. I'm sooo with you on this one. I hate wearing socks in bed. I don't care how icy my feet get, I will not put on socks. I think feet do indeed get claustrophobic. What other explanation is there?

4. I'm more afraid of heights than anything else. Well, and I have this thing with bridges. Okay, maybe it's a water thing there. I refuse to take BART under the bay. The idea of going through a tunnel dug underneath a large body of water seems entirely wrong to me. Won't do it.

5. I agree. Patting someone is superficial. I only pat people when I am purposely being superficial. :)

6. I have a great poker face. Probably not a good thing.

7. I think that I have been dubbed the office supply queen at pretty much every office I've ever worked in. I can spend hours and hours in Office Depot. I love the way notepads smell just after you unwrap them from their plastic. Okay, I'm a nerd.

8. I am a white girl with no rhythm whatsoever. So, I just don't care that I'm making a fool of myself on the dance floor.

9. I feel for your sister here. My older sister was the one always waking me up. She was the first one to wake me up on Christmas morning.

I didn't break anything as a kid, but I got more than enough stitches to make up for it. I was a wild child.

10. This one made me think of your beloved "Oprah" post from yesterday. On one of her shows last season (I think), she admitted to looking at her own poop. She got way too involved in what one's poop should look like.

I'm allergic to shellfish, so I don't eat shrimp. But weren't the tails awfully, um, crunchy?

Neil said...

Uh, at what point does patting become spanking?

Bex said...

sizz, so weird - i'm in the middle of composing a post of 100 facts about me. the socks thing is already on there too, hah!

Moonchild said...

I love your lists..... esp. the last one!! ha ha ha ha.....you goofy girl you! by the way, now enlighten us how you got your MISS SIZZLE name :)

erin said...

The hair in my food is usually mine. It ends up everywhere. So I only really care when I'm dining out and it cannot possibly have been my hair creeping into my meal.

Socks in bed always seem like such a good idea, especially if my feet are cold. However, it never lasts more than 20 min. This happened last night. I have to rip them off because I just think it will feel so much better to have my feet sweep across the cool sheets.

My friends and I were just talking about how pats on the head are so condescending. My estranged aunt used to do this all the time. She would kiss my head and pat it repeatedly. I hated it.

Office supplies are pretty awesome. I don't really have the chance to order them, but I can hit up the supply room in our building whenever I am needing something. And I get excited to bring my shiny new toys upstairs to my desk so that I can organize. Or post notes. Or make To Do lists.

AJ Gentile said...

I am with you on almost ALL of those.

PS-- can you teach me how to swing dance? I think that skill would help me with the lady-types.

Anonymous said...

i am with you on #7 and #3...i am with you on many other things too

- jules

Krisco said...

Oh my god we are twins.
I will elaborate when I have less less-sleep. If you know what I mean.

gorillabuns said...

i'm a bossy leader dancer too. can't help it. i want to be boss when i grow up!

i love office supplies and art supplies. you do need 50 different pens and my god i love all the different choices of white out!

Sizzle said...

to everyone who chimed in, admitting they share some of my quirks- i am so glad to know i am not alone. this list sharing really IS cathartic!

and yes, aj, i can teach you to swing. but i doubt you need help with the lady-types.

and no, bill, i won't throw you through a window. i don't do that move anymore. too dangerous. :)

and asp? that story is a blog post in and of itself. thanks for the idea.

xo sizzle

Ikatron said...

Well, we may have been born out of the same shell. I too have your quirks 1-9 but my number 10 is I used to love the fat of a steak. I am alittle worried about my first dance with my new hubbie because I need to lead. I think we have some practicing to do.