Confessions of a List Addict

Hi. My name is Sizzle and I am a listaholic. As part of my recovery, I am required to share some of my lists. It is supposed to be therapeutic. I have a working list of my "quirks." This is the first in an installment of list-sharing posts. Consider yourself forewarned.

Sizzle's Quirks (Take 1)

1. If I find a hair in my food, I am done. D.O.N.E. I don't pluck it out and continue eating. The meal is ruined. Period. End of story.

2. I sometimes say "buh-bye" and it annoys me almost as much as when I say "per se."

3. I can't wear socks to bed. My feet need to breathe. I know feet don't breathe and yet, they feel choked with socks on. Sometimes I try to trick my feet into wearing socks to bed but about 5 minutes into laying there, they are off. Can feet be claustrophobic?

4. I am claustrophobic. This might be a direct result from the multiple times my sister and I would take turns locking each other in the trunk of my Dad's car when we were kids. We'd try to see who could hold out longer. My competitive nature would force me to endure longer than I was actually comfortable doing. Now, I am scarred for life. Dark, confined places = No thanks.

5. I hate being patted. I find the pat to be very condescending and not at all heart warming or sweet. I don't care if you intend it to be a nice gesture. I am not a dog. Do not pat me. You will lose big points if you pat me. And you will know it by the look of complete disdain I will give you. Seriously, do not pat me. You will regret it. (But spanking is ok.)

6. My face does not lie. Hence, I am a horrible liar. I gave up lying a long, long time ago. I would try to fib but my Mom would just look at me and I would easily break under her gaze. I figured out early on that lying is just a shitload more work than telling the truth. At least I am learning the art of diplomacy.

7. I love ordering office supplies, visiting office supply stores, and looking at office supply catalogs. Of course, all the while dreaming of spending someone else's money. Ah, post its, ballpoint pens, filing systems- you make my heart flutter!

8. I know how to swing dance but because a) I am a bossy leader and b) I took a class with my younger, smaller sister, I lead when I swing dance. I can't help it. This might be one of the many reasons why I am still single. One time, Dokey and I were practicing and I tried to toss her side to side, from my right hip to my left hip and well. . .let's just say it's a good thing she didn't get a concussion or break her neck. I still cut a mean rug. Just don't let me flip you.

9. When I was a wee tot, I would purposely wake my sister from her afternoon nap because I wanted to play. I once climbed atop a trunk to pull open the blinds and in doing so, fell off and broke my collarbone.

10. I used to eat shrimp tails, unbeknownst to me. I was dining at the fine dining establishment that is Sizzler (no, not where my nickname comes from) with my then-boyfriend. As we ate our fried shrimp, he looked at me in utter horror as he asked, "Where are your tails?" To which I replied, "What tails?" I think he may have choked a bit on his drink when he sputtered, "The shrimp tails! You know those will come out in your poop and hurt your butt." Uh, no, I didn't know that. And that is why I a) don't eat at Sizzler anymore, b) don't eat fried shrimp and c) never look at my own poop.