Friday, September 30, 2005

On The Side

Dumpling accompanied me yesterday on some work business. Apparently some residents are angered by the arrow markings we made for the cycling event two weeks ago. These offending arrows are less than 12 inches in length and 6 inches in width. It takes a trained eye to see them. Ask Dumpling. He kept missing some. That's not all he missed. He was supposed to be my navigator, my co-pilot, if you will. He's got the map. He's supposed to tell me when and where to turn. After about the third u-turn, I had had it.

Me: You are supposed to be HELPING me! Pay attention will ya?
Him:
I AM!
Me:
It sure doesn't seem like it.
Him:
You'd better watch it or I'm gonna make you a tomato sandwich and some cherry pie.*
*I am very picky when it comes to tomatoes. I do not think fruit should be involved in dessert. In most instances. Continue reading for further explanation of my neurosis.
For his "help" (just kidding. He was helpful. I will give him four out of five stars.) , I took him out to sushi. This was as much a treat for me as it was for him. I could eat sushi every day. I have a weakness for it. After we devoured our rolls, I ordered a tempura'd banana with green tea ice cream. It was then that I tried to explain to him the delicate balance (ok, ok- fussiness) that dictates my dessert preferences. It went something like this:
Him: But you don't like fruit in your dessert.
Me:
I know but it is banana.
Him:
That is a fruit.
Me: Yes. It is. But I don't mind banana. You know, banana split, banana royal. . .
Him: But what about apples? Apple pie?
Me: I like apples and I prefer apple turnovers. There is more crust. I like crust.
Him: I see. Hmmm. Do you like dutch apple pie?
Me: I think so. . .but I prefer turnovers. I will eat apple pie but only if it is heated. And then only if it is served with vanilla ice cream.
Him: Uh huh.
Me: But if the pie isn't heated, then no ice cream. Though, I would rather just have the ice cream, no pie. And I would rather have chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla.
Good God.

I am Sally.


"On the side is a very big thing with you."
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10 comments:

Aimee said...

I totally get it -- you just want it how you want it!

Me too!

Mo-Pie said...

I see, so you're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance. That's the worst kind.

I hope you didn't have sex with Sheldon the wonder shlong.

em said...

reminds me of my grandmother. Ordering toast is a ritual for her:
"I want it dark, but not burnt, dry and crisp with no butter and jelly on the side but not mixed fruit. "

But at least your neurosis is based in preference. I think hers is just based in trying to screw with the kitchen staff.

Besides, everyone loves Sally...its an upside.

Bill said...

If you’re not high maintenance, you’re a barbarian. My own obsessions are many and varied. For example:

I want my salad with the entrée, not before.

I want my wine with the meal, not before, not after. With the meal. (Default beverage before the food is your basic gin and tonic. With lime!)

Salads … dressing on the side. Why? Because you continually drown the damn thing. Have you no sense for proportion? Subtlety? On the side, pal, on the side!

I shouldn’t even start, but let’s say I could go on and on about beverages – what to drink and when, alcoholic and non, and heavy emphasis on tea. (Example: raspberry-peach cheesecake can only be eaten with Earl Grey tea. All the UN countries have signed an agreement on this.)

And a proper meal is eaten over hours, not minutes. Why? Because half the pleasure is getting drunk and giggling as you cook and eat and cook and eat and cook and … Well, you get it.

If it weren't for high maintenance people we'd all be eating porridge with our hands.

Jenster said...

LOL. You guys are too funny! I have a few Sallys in my life; namely my sister and my best friend. It seems that I am usually chowing on their cast-offs.

I'll admit, there are some things I will demand as well. I think the thing I get the most anal about are salads. They have to have some form of real lettuce, no weeds. The "mixed greens" scare the bejesus outta me. And I'm totally with Bill on the dressing on the side thing. Otherwise it's like "why don't you have some salad with that dressing"?

Oh, and I can't deal with rosemary or curry. Long story. :)

sue said...

Stop! I can't breathe... laughing too hard...

Oh, yeah. The think with Em's grandma is true. Drives Hubby crazy... (This would be MIL)

amy said...

i order almost everything on the side too. how funny!

Bex said...

all i can think about is how awesome tempura'd bananas sound....

gorillabuns said...

i can't think of one dining experience where i ordered the meal how it was described.

DoubleB said...

mmm. sushi.

NO SUBSTITUTIONS!