Tuesday, September 06, 2005

I Can't Get a Read

I had a date on Sunday. I know, in the midst of my "mini-life crisis" I go on a date. I figured a little distraction couldn't hurt. Could it?

He's funny in a dry, witty, understated kind of way. He's slim which is usually not the type I go for. I tend to like the husky boys. He's attractive in an Adrian Brody kind of way (yes, Supple, I know. Please cease your drooling.) He's got style and cute glasses. He's wicked smart. He reads books. He's really, really into music.

And he is really quiet.

It was unnerving.

I just don't think that there should be lulls in conversation on a first date. Sure, if you've been seeing one another for a couple months, those gaps will happen. I also don't think you need to talk every single second. But there has got to be a happy medium, right? Right?

I think I overcompensated. He asked me if I was nervous. I am not a nervous dater. I don't get all fidgety or giggly or quiet. But I was so unnerved by his cool, calm and collected demeanor I think I spazzed out. I tried to be cool and let the silences sit there. And sit there. And then I would inevitably say something. I was bursting at the seams to speak. Argh.

I couldn't read him at all and I pride myself on being perceptive. He's a mystery to me. I couldn't even read if he was into me or not but the night kept going on and he wasn't making a move to end it so I figured that meant he enjoyed my company. He didn't compliment me once which was strange. When you first meet a person, in my experience, you exchange compliments throughout the first date night. That was absent.

Dating is so weird. Seriously. I don't know how I did it years ago when I had my raging dating period. Maybe it's that in my 30's I have a better sense of myself and of what I am looking for. Maybe I have a better radar for bullshit. I certainly feel that I can tell if I should go on another date with someone within about the first hour of the first date.

But with this guy, whom Mr. Rodacre calls "Mr. Sub Dude", I am confused. It wasn't as though I had a bad time. But I don't like that I felt insecure and awkward. Was I too fat? Was he thinking my outfit was stupid? Were my stories endearing or annoying? Was my semi-spaziness cute or grounds for dismissal?

But then he called me the next day to say hi. So I guess he is still interested? But am I? I'm a wee bit conflicted. I don't know what to do with this fella. He's a slow simmer kind of guy whereas I am a quick to boil kind of broad. Can these two types make a go of it? I suppose it is a bit too premature to decide that.

Post Script: I told him how I felt about some of the awkwardness and now we are going to be "friends". Yeah, right. I guess that answers my question.

13 comments:

Mr_Rodacre said...

ahhh...

"friends"

you can never have too many of 'em.

I do.

but that's for my blog, not yours...

at least the kissin was nice...

Charlie said...

Silence is golden, but not on a first date. Sorry to hear he wasn't a cunning linguist.

Kris said...

Oh Charlie no you didn't. :)

Sizzle, the friends thing was a good call anyway. I call what you experienced having a "different social pace," and it's deadly. It is not only deadly to intimate relationships but can kill friendships and acquaintances. When that pace is off, you know it - and you did! Trust that gut instinct!

Sizzle said...

mr. rodacre: yes, the kissing was nice. at least i got a compliment from that. thanks for letting the kissing cat out of the proverbial bag dear. ;)

charlie: gonna be using that "cunning linguist" in my next ad.

kris: i figured my gut wasn't lying to me, even if the kissing was good.

Anonymous said...

feel free to hate someone anytime now.

Sizzle said...

hate someone?

um, ok.

i will hate players. i am a player hater.

Jenny said...

Anonymous said...
feel free to hate someone anytime now.

move on with your negativity!

Mr_Rodacre said...

"Anonymous said...
feel free to hate someone anytime now."


What does that even mean?

gorillabuns said...

"don't hate the player, just hate the game." can't remember what movie that's from. dating is such an odd experience. since he's the friend type maybe he has a few single friends that might be note worthy.

Neil said...

I didn't like the fact that he was so quiet. You don't want to spend the rest of your life listening to yourself talking.

Lushy said...

Have you done your weird date list yet? He should be included.

amy said...

hi. my name is amy and i date freaks. or ah, men who seem "cool" but turn into freaks. and sadly i am 38 and never given birth.

hang in there sister!

sue said...

I think my main criteria (I know, I'm WAAAAAAAY out of practice) is/was "am I comfortable with this person?" Whether there is talking going on or not, it doesn't matter if you feel comfortable with the silences - which, obviously, you did not. I mean, there will be a certain amount of nerves involved, that's a given, but if you trust your gut instinct and think maybe this person is someone you could like, then by all means, keep in touch and do the 'friend' thing. Otherwise, move along... Easy for me to say, huh?