Sunday, September 25, 2005

Gee, You Know Me So Well

The other day my co-worker passed on some Craigs List personal ad to me thinking the guy was my type. I haven't been looking on CL because, well, let's be honest, it's not the best place to meet men who are interested in something other than shagging. From this guy's profile, he seemed cute and intelligent so I sent him an email. You'd think responding to a guy's personal ad would indicate that he was your "type" but apparently, no. After receiving my email with photos attached, he responded asking me if I could elaborate on what kind of physical appearance I am attracted to. Ok. . . so I write him back a handful of things- shaved head/short hair, facial hair ok, husky/strong, nice teeth, glasses are a bonus, etc. This is the correspondence that follows from that email (my asides are in the parenthesis):

Him: My teeth are bad, I was in martial arts and had a few knocked out.

Me: Um, ok. I am not sure what you mean by telling me that?

Him: My teeth are bad would be what i mean.

Me: Ok. So you are saying you are not interested in getting to know me because I mentioned teeth and you say you have bad teeth. Hmm. Well, if only it were that simple.

Him: If only what was that simple?

Me: Oh, nothing. Good luck with your search. Take care.

(At this point, I was getting the vibe that this guy was NOT for me.)

Him: I agree, if you can't answer a question.

(And then he proved that feeling to be right on the money.)

Me: Of course I can answer the question...It seems that because I mentioned teeth in my physcial description that somehow you couldn't be my type. And well, that seems silly. Teeth do not make the man, so to speak. Besides, not only did I teach self-defense for 8 years, I've got nice enough teeth for me AND someone else. ;)

(See how I am being funny and trying to lighten the mood here? Yeah, of course YOU get it- you are smart. Unlike this fella.)

Him: No need to lecture me. I believe you were the one that mentioned teeth, not me. Do you remember? Teaching self defense is a lot safer on your face than full contact fighting.

(Ok, you are an asshole. It's confirmed.)

Me: Lecture? It wasn't intended as such. I think we might be better off ceasing communication. Doesn't seem we are clicking. I do wish you the best of luck. Take care.

(What I really want to say to you, but decorum keeps me from lashing out, is that you need to Fuck Off.)

Him: I think your sense of fairness is not fair at all. You seem stubborn and arguementative and want things your way, when you don't want to answer or don't have a good answer you say nothing. Honesty always works in those cases. Oh you also want control, you want to tell when to to "cease", etc. You
are a piece of work!

(Some of those things ARE true but like in a totally endearing kind of way. Besides, fucktard, you don't KNOW me! Gee, it's a wonder why you are single.)

I just stopped emailing him back after that last bit because some battles sure aren't worth fighting. I was really perturbed by this email interaction and that annoyed me even further. Why do I care what people like this think? I had to have Pauly, Dumpling and Jenny Two Times talk me down. (Thanks my friends.)

Please, please, please do not ever let me respond to a CL ad again unless I am buying furniture or applying for a job. Seriously, I don't need this shit.


Don said...

As this brief correspondence proved, people are strange.

Don said...

Oh yeah. I got here at random and liked reading it so here are some more comments.

I floss every day. I fear having horrible old person breath, and ugly teeth. So they're actually quite nice but it's a daily habit thing.

I love Santa Cruz and blogged a few things about it a month or so ago.

I think overhearing loud arguments is why my neighbor doesn't much talk to me anymore. But he's a dick anyway.

Okay, enough from whoever I am.

Lushy said...

Sizzle: no more answering Craig's list ads. Seriously. Didn't we discuss No More Freaks? :)

I know, I know, I'm NOT one to talk.

Bill said...

You have more patience than I do. I would have stopped e-mailing before you did. Although when the guy mentioned martial arts I would have gone into asshole mode and asked if that was anything like origami. I would have said something like, "Because, you know, anything that combines softwood products and the arts really sparks my interest."

That whole exchange would have bugged me, and bugged me more that I was bugged. Which kind of sounds like the way you felt.

The problem with personals sites is people outline what they are looking for so specifically. Any time I see that I think, “Well, I ain’t anything like what she’s looking for.” Or, if I am what she’s outlined, I think, “Do I really want to meet someone who thinks slender blue-eyed Capricorns who like movies are a catch? I could be a goatish axe murder who happens to be skinny and has a background in film!”

You know, the more I think of your e-mail exchange, the more I wonder … “I’ve got bad teeth and I’m into martial arts.” What were you thinking?

“I’d really like the Beverley Hillbillies to kick the shit out me.”

Well, I’m glad you just stopped the exchange. I mean, when someone focuses on an off-hand reference to teeth I think that’s a sign to offer your excuses and bid farewell.

Bex said...

like bill said, i would have given up the emailing long before you did. that's the beauty of email, you can be rude behind the shield of the computer!
but that was a pretty awesome exchange. maybe you should keep answering those ads for the sake of funny stories.

Bex said...

ps - you taught self-defense for 8 years? that's fuckin amazing! keep on kicking butt!

Her Daddy's Eyes said...

Ahhhhh! I HATE him. Apparently he has some major issues and the stick in his ass is NOT helping matters.
Where's the VW Bus guy? I wanna talk to him...I bet he has nice teeth.
Geesh, some people!


P.S. I called my mom. Wish I could say the chat was a good one, but alas, it wasn't. I still said "I love you." in the end, so that was good. It's a shame about us.

Kris said...

HOLY HOLY HOLY CRAP. Only in my world freaks like this one are married and I am not. That always makes me feel better about myself.

Jenster said...

Oh dear. I've had some similar experiences with CL personals myself. If anything, they're good for a few laughs! I definitely agree, CL is only good for furniture and employment.

I know what Kris means about the totally scary freaks being married. On one hand, I think, well if they can find someone so can I. Then I start to think that I must be really freaky if he can find someone and I can't. What a world we live in!

It's cool that you taught self-defense. I think I'm gonna start hanging around you at bars! :-)

Mo-Pie said...

Well, well, well... he apperantly does't floss, this is the only thing I can think of. Making up the excuse of getting teeth knocked out fighting in martial arts...yada yada... good one. That's the oldest excuse in the book.

Now I don't know Craig, but his list doesn't seem to be the best place for finding that "special someone".

It's a good thing you didn't get together with this fucktard; because now you can say...
"You know, I'm so glad I never got involved with you. I just would have ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at 3:00 in the morning and go clean your andirons, and you don't even have a fireplace..."

...not that I would know this.

Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Why did you mention teeth then?

I am NOT defending him, I just want to know. If "nice teeth" aren't important to you, why did you mention them?

You SEEM like a confident woman who knows what she wants. So don't waste your time or anyone else's by mentioning crap that's not important to you.

Say what you want, what EXACTLY you want, and if a guy responds with anything less than what you want move on. You don't have time for that crap, go get what you want!

This shit works better when your buddy is massaging your shoulders and talking like Burgess Meredith in Rocky.

"Go get'em Rock! You can take him!"

sue said...

Holy Cow! I'm sorry, Sizzle, but this is the kind of thing that makes me SOOOO happy I'm out of that dating game. You have to have the patience of a saint! Sheesh!

Krisco said...

Ms Sizzle,
That stinks! The only thing worse is being married. Doh! I didn't say that!
Dating days can be hard. Just think, at least it was only email. Surely he would have been way more annoying in person. You got that going for ya.


amy said...

ah, a true FUCKWIT indeed.
welcome to my world of online dating.