Thursday, August 25, 2005

Tales from the Toilet

I am happy to report that eau de Nair has vacated the building. Jules took pity on me and rid the office bathrooms of the malodorous odor. (Thank you!)

Apparently, the men's bathroom is a sight to behold. Well, more like an odor to avoid. At all costs. We get the office cleaned once a week so you'd think the disinfectants would tackle the smell but I guess that is just wishful thinking. You know what else is wishful thinking? That people would actually replace the toilet paper when it runs out. Or the paper towels. Or the toilet seat covers. What a crazy concept, huh?

This is a frequent agenda item at our All Staff Meetings. Not only are we trying to stop the spread of AIDS in our community and assist those who are living with the disease- we are also VERY concerned about the state of our restrooms. We take it very seriously. Someone inevitably needs to discuss its level of cleanliness (or lack there of) or the inability of fellow coworkers to replace said toilet paper or the retched scent seeping out into the office proper (what ARE you men doing in your bathroom for fucksake?).

Discussing this gets us nowhere. Why? Cuz everyone thinks it is someone else's problem. I can raise my hand and honestly say that I have never used the last of the toilet paper or paper towels without promptly going to the supply closet to replace them. (See what a good girl I am? Damn Catholic guilt.) This leads me to believe that somewhere, amongst our staff, there lurks a lazy, self-serving priss who thinks she is above such a lowly task. I'd venture to guess there are a couple of prissies- this problem is so rampant. Who are you? You last-of-the-toilet-paper-using cowards!

My favorite is when they get the toilet paper but they don't actually put it ON the roll. They just set it on top, like there job is done. They brush their hands together, satisfied that their good deed for the day is done. Think again.

I also love the people who don't flush. Thank you for that. I really wanted to see your pee. . . or worse yet. . .no, I won't go there. You catch my drift. What is so terribly hard about flushing? Hold the handle down and there it goes.

And then there are the women who like to conversate while peeing. Why must you do this? One of our co-workers in particular likes to ask "Whatcha doing over there?" to whomever is sitting on the pot in the next stall. She has no shame. She will tell you how rank her farts were or how she's been backed up for a week. By your silence, she does not gather that you are incredibly uncomfortable. Nor does your hasty exit imply your complete and utter grossed out-ness.

Does anyone else have these sorts of issues at their office? I know I work at a very unique agency with some zany people but. . doesn't this kind of thing happen everywhere?

10 comments:

Neil said...

Men do not like to talk in the bathroom. In fact, it's almost "unmanly" to be caught going to the bathroom in public, almost as if a real man holds it in, ala Sting and his tantric sex. Sometimes, we overcompensate by making believe we don't care if we are seen. "I'm going to pee now! Here I go! Inside to pee!" But secretly, we are ashamed.

gorillabuns said...

the last office i worked in several of the men would a carry magazine or the newspaper into the bathroom with them. never understood the blatant show of "i'm going to be away from my desk for awhile.."

Mr_Rodacre said...

Reading in the stall is a popular one. I hate it when the last person leaves only the sports page... Mostly I'll bring my own material. It's how I made it through college - reading textbooks in the john...

Mr_Rodacre said...

Reading in the stall is a popular one. I hate it when the last person leaves only the sports page... Mostly I'll bring my own material. It's how I made it through college - reading textbooks in the john...

em said...

Your accusations leave me feeling like I need to cleanse my soul. I am one of those people that will get the new roll and not put it on the spooly thing. I confess. But I only do it at home, much to my husband's annoyance.

Oh, and about weird smells at work...our vault room (of all places) recently started smelling like urinal cakes. Nothing like the smell of money and portajohns...

Sizzle said...

neil- a la sting and his tantric sex- ha ha ha. that is a good one. no but seriously, i am sorry to hear of your shame.

gorillabuns- clearly the men from your former office need lessons from neil.

mr_rodacre- i had no idea! so THAT is how you got through college. good thing you have a weak stomach. hee hee.

em- oh for shame! your poor husband. ;) money and portajohns- now that is a smell i don't want to ever encounter.

Mr_Rodacre said...

The smell of money and portajohns... sounds like a really bad Saturday night... (or a really good Saturday night depending on how much money was made I suppose... but I don't judge...)

Jenny said...

today i ran out of toilet paper and thank God i had kleenex around! when i was living with housemates, i honestly don't remember someone not replacing the toilet paper. i remember running out of it though (the days of rice and tuna). what i cannot stand is when i walk into the stall and there are leftover pee drops on the seat. WIPE it up for GOD's sake!

kim e said...

Am I the only one horrified that it gets cleaned just once a week? There are far too many random germs with multiple non-family people using the same bathroom all week. It's probably the smell of the cooties crawling under the door to attack you at your desk....

sue said...

Let's see... first, I work with men. All men. We share one bathroom. One. You heard me. One.

Now, on the subject of cleanliness, I must say they aren't too bad. The ones I work with. However, the ones that stop in from other places I am SURE have been raised by wolves. No, wolves would be cleaner.

We all take turns cleaning. Except one guy who never gets his hands dirty. He thinks he's above all this. I won't name names, but we ALL know it. As a matter of fact, you've made me think I might blog about this one.

Continuing: The restroom is right off the main office. They LIKE to talk in the bathroom. They yell out to the people in the other room. They talk on the phone. They read the paper/magazines/supermarket coupons they chat about gaily as they go about their 'business'.

But they won't put tp on the roll - they just set it on top. Nor will they use the air freshner that is strategically placed upon the back of the toilet. It's there for a REASON, people.

Did we know we were so much alike?