She Rambles

I walked into my office this morning, ten minutes late (shh), and my nose was suddenly accosted by an odor. It was eau de Nair. It reminded me of high school, specifically this one girl who was fanatical about Nair-ing her legs. Freshman year we had first period Algebra together. The smell of Nair always reminds me of her, though I couldn't for the life of me tell you her name. She did have big ol' teased up hair though. What we called a "Hair Bear" back in the day. Aqua Net was her best friend. Well, her best friend after Nair. She also liked to eat a lot of chimichangas. Our cafeteria had a solid selection of carb happy foods- chimichangas, bagels and donuts. We didn't even really have P.E. either or organized sports teams. We played badmitton during P.E. and we had a track team, a swim team and a basketball team. Ok, maybe we had volleyball too. I was too busy with student council and drama to be abreast of sports.

During our first period, Nair girl, myself and the rest of our rowdy class would lock our teacher out of the classroom. Mr. Mize, the tardy teacher, was notoriously late for class. Can you imagine being a male teacher at an all girl's private high school? Teaching math of all things. That poor bastard, we sure gave him a hard time. We'd sit in that locked classroom laughing our asses off as he tried not to lose his cool while knocking louder and louder on the door. I think I will blame him for my ineptitude at math. And while I am at the blame game, I will blame our stupid P.E. classes for instilling in me a dislike of badmitton and all things athletic.

Speaking of math, I have numbers dyslexia. Why can't I remember the movie times correctly? If you ever go to the movies with me, put yourself in charge of finding out the movie times cuz if it is left up to me, we will arrive late or early but never on time for the intended film. On my first date with Mr. Rodacre, we were going to the drive in. . . but I had the times wrong and we ended up arriving half way through some bad Bruce Willis movie (Tears of the Sun, was it Mr. Rodacre?) and ended up leaving before the movie we actually wanted to see started. Supple can attest to this. I know I have messed up our plans on account of my dyslexia.

Yesterday I went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin (hilarious, you should go see it). Did I arrive on time? Of couse not. I actually would have if I hadn't gone into the bookstore. Bookstores and me are dangerous. I get overly absorbed and I spend too much money. When I pulled into the parking lot it was 1:50. I thought the movie was at 2:50, hence my jaunt over to the bookstore. I arrived at the movie theater at 2:25 figuring I could sit in the sun and read one of my new purchases until the film began. When I checked the board I realized I had arrived for a 2:50 movie when in fact the movie started at 2:10. I had combined the 4:50 movie time with 2:10 movie time. I ended up only missing 5 minutes of the film thanks to all the previews. But still, why am I such a dork? Get it right already Sizzle.

What have we learned? Don't trust me with movie times. Don't make me run the mile. Please don't use Nair if you will be hanging out with me.

(Oh and the Nair smell? It is actually the new bathroom deodorizers. I am so screwed!)