Laying Down the Law

"Our meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings."

I am not a fan of "the meeting." Truth be told, do we REALLY need this many meetings? And why are the people running meetings generally horrible at time management, interpersonal communication and facilitation?

Sometimes when I know I have a meeting approaching, I start to sort of have a mini-panic attack. It embitters me to think I will be wasting precious time sitting in a stuffy room listening to people ramble on without a point. (Hello! This is seriously cutting into my web surfing and blogging time.) I want to bring a straw and some pellets of soggy paper to spit at people when they have espoused long enough. Get to the point! That should break them out of their boring reverie.

Is that evil? It certainly isn't what some would call "teamwork."

I plan fundraising events for a non-profit. I have to work with all sorts of people on committees planning said events, many of whom have no previous meeting experience. If you are an acupuncturist, say, odds are you haven't had to attend that many meetings. That is, unless you are in AA and then you go to a differently run kind of meeting anyhow. But even the AA people have it dialed. Take turns talking. Time limits. Confidentiality. Etc.

I need to bitch. Not just because I have PMS but because honestly and truly, I am at my wits end. I have to work with a particularly fussy woman who co-chairs our annual cycling event. She has the best of intentions, really. She does. I know this and yet, I still want to yell at her. Often. She requires tact and assertive boundary setting. I am good at the boundaries, not so good with the tact. I want to say to her: It is not ok for you to call me 3 times a day to discuss minute details which could very well be covered in our meeting the following day. Why must you incessantly call me? Make a list and bring it to the god damned meeting.

She calls me on my cell phone. Woe is the day I ever gave her that number! She calls me on days that I have called in sick to work. She calls to discuss work. When I have called IN SICK. Please for the love of all that is good and noble, do NOT call me on my cell phone to discuss work. Not on days I call in sick (even if I am home watching TLC). Not on nights when I am home drinking wine trying to forget I have to meet with you the following morning. Not even on the weekends. Why? Because I AM NOT WORKING.

Why is this so difficult for her?

I tease her saying, "It is so obvious you have a crush on me."

How does she respond to that? She giggles!

Does this mean that this is true? Oh, the horror!

She is also perpetually late. She rushes in, her trusty dog in tow, with her list of excuses. Her dog goes EVERYWHERE with her. They have the same hair. I am not kidding. That whole "dogs look like their owners" thing- it is frighteningly true in this case. I don't like tardiness, particularly incessant tardiness. I am packing in a lot of work in one day, can you not just show up on time and honor that? No. You can't. And to make matters worse, you think that because you are 15 minutes late, we will run the meeting an extra 15 minutes. Um, no. I think not.

So today I am laying down the law. The Sizzle Law. I am cracking the whip. We'll see how it goes. . .

It is 9:10. Our meeting was scheduled for 9am. She is not here yet. See?!