Fun, Dysfunctional Style

Aren't all families dysfunctional in one way or another? I hope the answer to that question is a firm, unequivocal yes. Or else, the delusions I have been living under just fell on top of me. And now I am squished.

Today is our annual family picnic. We aren't talking a small gathering neither. My mother is the oldest girl of 6. Those Irish Catholics sure do like to procreate even if they don't want to talk about how babies are made. Shhhh.

The entire clan will be there sans my sister and her husband (the Seattlites), two cousins that we've hardly seen since my uncle and his first wife split, the on again/off again drug addict/teen mom cousin and the uncle by marriage that we've not had a glimpse of in, oh, six years. We tease my aunt that he is buried in their backyard. But really, he just doesn't like our family. And for that, he can stay home.

I mean, what is not to love about us? Aunts, uncles, cousins, babies, drunks, loud mouths, comedians, pranksters, neurotics, type A's, potheads, overachievers, snobs, rich, poor, codependents- you name it, we've probably got it. Don't you wish you could come with me?

I do love my family- the entire rowdy bunch of them. I am incredibly lucky to have such a huge, loving family. Of course, when you are part of such a large, extended family, drama is likely to ensue, particularly when there are 4 sisters. I think for the most part they have grown up and let go of the petty childhood crap though, I can still pinpoint what role each member plays in the whole "child of an alcoholic" family tree. What can I say, some people are predictable.

I learned long ago to not bring any boy I am dating to these functions. It is too overwhelming for them. They get grilled by my aunts and teased by my uncles- mercilessly. Everyone talks at once. There is a lot of eating. There are dogs running crazy and kids laughing and screaming. It's chaos at its best. The next fella I bring to one of these functions will have already proven his mettle and hopefully can talk sports enough to keep up, be playful enough that kids and dogs like him and have the kind of manners that impress my mother.

If you know of any worthy candidates, please, by all means, tell them to look me up.