Friday, July 15, 2005

Cleaning House

Yesterday I cleaned my emotional house.

Yeah, I know, I made up that term. Well, at least I think I did.

I had some situations that needed addressing but my fear of being honest held me back. I've been trying out this new tactic: the wait & see. I can be pretty reactionary which often leads to escalating problems, not de-escalating them. Bad choice. Way too stressful. Allows for too much fodder for self-inflicted guilt. So, in the last few weeks, instead of running off half-cocked or fully loaded, as the case may be, I take a deep breath and. . .I. . .do . . nothing.

I just wait. I feel the feelings. I stumble through the obstacle course of my mind. I sit with it. Until it feels different.

And it is working. I feel so much more in charge of my life and of how I interact in the world. So yesterday, I tackled some of my daunting issues with people. I made a call or two. I sent some emails. I had a one-on-one. I was calm. I was honest. And you know what? It wasn't so bad. I survived. I feel much better. I feel downright liberated.

It is easy to talk myself out of being true to myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want to seem like a bitch. It isn't that big of a deal. I am sure it will blow over in time. Excuses ad infinitum.

It's all bullshit. Really. And frankly, I am done with all that business.

After cleaning my emotional house, I stood up straighter. I smiled more. I breathed deeper. I felt at ease. I had a surge of creativity and productivity. You should try it. Seriously. It feels great!


sue said...

You are my role model! :)

Ikatron said...

Right on sister very happy to hear.