Tuesday, July 26, 2005

CL Rejects

I recently posted an ad on CL. Some of the responses were just too amusing not share with you.

I am a very laid back guy and easy going. I have a BS
in ingeneering but I look more like a trouble maker.


*Anyways, no thanks.

About once every month, a beautifully written post appears on w4m
section of CL. I am beginning to suspect it is by the same person who
may be a female but maybe not, who is certainly not seeking a
buddy/beddy but has once-a-month impulse to assuage linguistic
pyrotechniquey itch... and no matter even if my guess were wrong
because a plebeian like me would never dream of considering him a
potential match to a wordismith.

*Ok, I get it, you know some big words. . . But do you know what they MEAN?

now send me your fine self pic ?lol

*Wow, concise AND demanding. . .Next!

> Hello, my name is M***. I'm 31 years old. I love yoga, hiking,
> working out, cooking with organic foods, laughing, hiking, working
> out, laughing, playing music, dreaming, laughing, toking.......I just
> developed a taste infused cucumber/carmel/apple/cinnamon vodka
> martini's - mmm. I am a successful music teacher/composer/performer.
> I love creating music and .....laughing. Man, I love laughing.....
> kayaking the ocean, hitting the midnight vapor. I have a degree in
> Jazz guitar. I am ambitious and love success ...financially of
> course, but success in my well being and helping others. Just being
> happy and healthy. Laying in the sun, the redwoods, mmmm, organic
> chocolate! Bathing in Organic Chocolate....yum! Sassy, Content,
> stable - emotionally and financially, and I love to dance. I love
> grooving to the deep-trip hop-ambient-dance-wiggle-butt music.
> I'm just about 6 feet tall, 169lbs, Spontaneous, Very sassy and
> sociable BUT I do get shy sometimes........
> The older I get, the younger I get.
> Anyways, I'm just looking for new friends. I have long hair and here
> is a picture of me during a performance. :) I have no expectation,
> but a stimulating conversation would be very nice.

*Gee, you sure must be busy dancing and laughing and bathing in organic chocolate. So busy, you can't take the > out of your email which you clearly are forwarding from a previously sent email. Maybe you should back off from the bong mister and step away from the keyboard.

You really know how to place an ad. Let's see. I am a
28 year old clean cut military man (Don't hold that
against me). Also can't sing to save my life, but I
can do what I want in my car. I like to laugh and make
people laugh. I dont discuss politics. I'm not looking
for romance (Newly single) but I am also not looking
for a one night stand or FB. Pretty much I'm looking
for someone to hang out with. Crack some jokes, watch
a movie. But if romance happens, I won't run like
crazy. I can discuss feelings (I feel hot, I feel
tired, See?). I'm kind of a dumbass, but in a funny
sort of way.

*BUZZ! I am sorry, you are disqualified. Your final line removes you from the competition and being in the military doesn't help your case.

Hello there,
I am very intrigue weather you are real or not although I am inclining
myself to believe for I have not reason to doubt you after all you know
yourself better than any one ever could.
Would you like to go for a short hike on the weekend or perhaps go
I am a single male, honest, love life, laughter, friendship and all the
good things life has to offer. I love to read, I am learning to dance, often go to ride my bicycle by Wilder, work too many hours but I am trying to cut back and go more often to the movies, like jazz, classical, rock any thing with good rhythm to dance to.

*He is right. I do know myself better than anyone ever could. I also know poor grammar when I read it.

Now that sounds wonderful How would I start ? We seem to have a
similiar outlook and personality.

*If you don't know how to start, please don't bother writing.

This one is my favorite reject responses. I had to include it in its entirety:
I'm VERY responsible single dad, raising my 14 year old daughter an have been doing that since i won FULL custody of her when she was 6 1/2 mos. Saturday night she was on stage dancing at the San Jose Performing arts Center how awesome and proud can one be A little about myself YES I'm Irish/Spanish,5'10 1/2,200 lbs,short hair ,Mustache,Tattoos, Great personality N sense of humor, liking to do from out doors to indoors making the best of it all, i don't like taking life too serious, their is very little i don't do or enjoy.
I'm NOT impressed in where you work what you do, how much u have or don't have "Its NOT what's in ones pocket that matters BUT what's in their heart.I'm NOT you GQ kind of guy just a nice guy if your lookin for the GQ/Money I'm NOT your guy, Money N GREED destroys all sooner or later...
I lov the indoors and outdoors, from camping,fishing,redwood to the beach biking,tennis,golfing,kite flying ,dance,swim, Roller blading and the list gooooooooooooooo'z on and on.
Have a great personality which can be sarcastic,off the wall, warped,dry,etc,al with a sense of humor as a crime partner. I don't drink,smoke ,do drugs or do any of that. I won FULL custody of my daughter when she was just under a year and been raising her ever sense since who now is a Beautiful 14 years, so the ONLY thing i haven't done their is givin birth or Breast fed the rest I've done So if this interest you feel free if not thats kool too i wish you the best of luck...Heres a pic. from awhile ago taken for an event remember i am VERY Versatile in all aspects of my life , NOT like many who are just so one way, this was taken for an event, usually if great weather im in tank tops and shorts, etc.al.
So their you go if interested Kool if not its kool to enjoy the great day out...West San Jose

Your Pic. gets mine:

*The over-use of capitals and your overall creepiness rule you out as a contender. Not to mention the fact that you seemed confused by the terms "etc." and "et al"- two entirely different terms. Oh and Kool and the Gang is going to sue you for stealing and mis-using their moniker.

Your Hot.............Like your posting.
Would love a opportunity to talk with you sometime.
I got to go, but I'll put you in my Favorites, and write and send you a pic tommorow. Throw me a bone, and reply without receiving my pic, cuz I really got to run.

*Ohmygawd! Like you're gonna put me in your "favorites"?! That is SO exciting! Not. Hey buddy, next time you respond to an ad, how about you do it when you aren't running out the door? Yeah, I'll throw you something but it won't be a bone.

Sounds like you're looking for a girlfriend.
Ya, you want a girlyman, a Ms. Feminaman. (Austrian
accent applied) sorry Arnold

Just kidding!

You're funny with words.
*You.Are.An.Idiot.And soooo not funny.

And I wonder why I am single?


sue said...

Damn you and your high standards. j/k ;)

Bob Merrick said...

I am speechless.

Anonymous said...

hi i saw your ad on CL and just had to write you...

Anonymous said...

keep looking!Your comments are great though!

Anonymous said...

wow...i think i'd better go home and thank my husband for being my husband, or at the very least, for never writing me a creepy personals response.

search on, girlie.


Jenny said...

the pothead is the best. so typical...
ok, you made me Laugh OUT Loud.
thanx chickeee

Lushy said...

Oh my. That is scary. I hope that there were at least some good responses!

kim e said...

Girl, you need to get your ass off of CL! MySpace.com might be more productive, and that's saying something. Eeek. (definitely good for a giggle though)

Jeff said...

That was fucking hilarious. Reading it made my day. Thanks.