Friday, June 24, 2005

We Tried

Sunday marks an un-iversary. That's when you commemorate a relationship that is no more. It's a funny thing to do I guess, but it seems fitting. Some loves make such a mark on you, they cannot be erased. Some experiences make you more who you are than others. Even when you come out a bit bruised and tearful, you are more yourself for having gone through it, for having known them. This was that kind of love.

A year ago, we met. It was at a costume party for the Tomato's 30th birthday. I looked like this. (My mother claimed that it was no wonder I met someone given the fact that I was "running around in my underwear.") He was cute in his punk rock t-shirt and blazer with a smattering of pins for bands like Minor Threat, The Descendents and the like. He was (and still is) a tortured artist with a tempermental, brooding side. Just my type. His eyes followed me wherever I went- from the dance floor to the bar, but when I would catch him looking, he would quickly avert his eyes. About half way into the evening I began to inquire as to who this staring fella was. No one knew. So I took it upon myself to find out. Went right up to him and said, "I don't know you. I'm Sizzle.*" And he replied, "I'm Cowboy.*" When I asked if he had in fact been watching me all night, he admitted to it, giving this reason: "You are the most beautiful girl here."

And from there, we fell.

Long distance relationships, for me, are a set-up-to-fail kind of situation. I know this now. I pretty much knew it then but took the risk anyhow. It wasn't for a lack of trying that our relationship did not last. Between Santa Cruz and Los Angeles, the distance grew more than miles. But when I remember him, I do not wallow in the disagreements and broken hope. I remember his eyes when he would look at me and how beautiful I felt in that gaze. I recall the fierceness of his feelings, the flutter of my heart when he would take my hand and the first time he ever kissed me.

These are the memories I carry.

* Names changed


CN said...

happy unanniversary to you, dear sizzle.


Anonymous said...

And you will hold on to those memories all your life even when they are replaced with new ones.

Jenny said...

the sweet moments are best remembered...

Bob Merrick said...

Do we have an universary?

Sizzle said...

Sure. It should be on that day we went on our first date to go see that horrible movie Air America and you got stuck in the seat cuz you scooted down too far. And your spikey hair kept poking me. With you, gel is a weapon. ;)