And Another Thing

Here is what I have decided: Talking about stuff is always better than not talking about stuff. Even if it is hard. Even if it hurts. Even if it isn't what you want to hear. It moves you to a different place and gives you an opportunity to learn about yourself and other people. It is worth the risk of making yourself vulnerable.

Here is another thing I have decided: Under no circumstances should I be allowed to ingest coffee. For some odd reason, the idea of a cup of joe just sounded like a swell idea during our morning staff meeting. Now I feel the lethargy coming on and I don't feel hungry even though by now, I should be. I gave that drug up years ago for a reason and today, I fell off the wagon. But I think I won't be doing it again. It feels. . . unpleasant, let's just say.

And another thing: I am annoyed with myself. I am doing a lot of negative self-talk this week and it is just completely unacceptable. Unacceptable! I keep doubting my date-ableness and am saying lame things to myself about being a neurotic mess who wouldn't be able to keep a healthy relationship even if, on the off chance, I could land one. It's so odd to hear how other people perceive you when inside you feel full of shyness and lacking in self-confidence. My co-worker told me the other day that I probably didn't have a hard time meeting men since I exude this confident air. I had to laugh as I am not that girl who walks into the room and all eyes turn. I am just not her. I can entertain better than some but I am not a head turner. I guess that fact makes me kind of sad and I am harping on the reality of it all. And feeling sorry for myself is incredibly unattractive so I best knock it off already. Seriously, I need to get a grip. What happened to yesterday's "let go" feeling? It was so fleeting. . .