Thursday, April 21, 2005

Perlexing At Best

Supple & I went to Goodwill yesterday. As I rifled through a stack of dusty record albums, my shopping experience became a walk down memory lane. They had The Jets, one of my first concerts at Great America. And if you think that is bad, don't ask me who else I saw there. It gets worse. Much worse. They also had Howard Jones, Debbie Gibson who now goes by Deborah (uh, pleeeze, you still suck- I know the Tomato will kill me for that jab but the truth hurts), Whitney Houston (the very album Dokey and I used to coreograph synchronized dance routines to in the pool) and Lionel Ritchie (who, I must say, looks way better now than he did back then). I picked up some classic Hall & Oates, you know, just for kicks. Everyone needs a little "Private Eyes" watching you now and again. Do you remember Breathe? I loved them, especially that song "How Can I Fall?" Good ol' Goodwill had that too so, of course, for nostalgia's sake, I had to purchase it. For nostalgia's sake people (and for my listening pleasure, okay, I will admit it).

I've been seeing things lately. A couple of times I could have sworn I saw Mr. Grass (my nickname for the stoner I dated). The likelihood of me running into him is pretty good since we do supposedly both reside in this beach community. Maybe he is in rehab? (And no, Hummingbird, I have not forgotten that stoners are losers.) It is pretty inexplicable then, why I would be having sightings of The Cowboy since he lives in the land of traffic and shallow, plastic people. Just wishful thinking I suppose. The mind is a trickster, that is for damn sure. You know how people who are stuck in the desert see mirages? Well, I'm thinking maybe this self-imposed Love Sabbatical is doing something similar to my mind. I'm hallucinating for lack of romantic love. Ok, maybe that is a crackpot analogy but work with me.

I've been working on a list of things that confound me. Here are a few. . .
- People who ride bikes and smoke simultaneously (How health conscious of you.)
- People who speak on their cell phones while taking a piss in a public restroom (Have you no shame? No class? Apparently not.)
- Denim skirts & scrunchies and the people who still wear them (especially bad when worn together)
- People's inability to merge in traffic or otherwise (Are you just inept or selfish?)
- People who read self-help book after self-help book but never actually put into practice ANY of the stuff they read (please see aforementioned Mr. Grass)
- Guys who wear their pants so far off their asses that their entire underwears are exposed (HOW can that be comfortable?! And didn't that look go out about 5 years ago?)
- Driving 30 minutes out of your way to save $3 on a sale item (You just spent that 3 bucks and then some driving there dork.)
- White people who wear ethnic prints (It just should NEVER happen.)
- Trustafarians with puppys on rope leases who beg for spare change at the Farmer's Market in between playing their bongos and eating raw veggies (Go back to your mansions and quit playing the part of a poor hippy. You aren't cool.)
- People who still do not know how to swipe their ATM/Visa card hence holding up the check out line (Haven't we had those machines for years and years now? Catch up people!)

That's it for now.


hummingbird said...

I'm glad you haven't forgotten that stoners are losers, but please rest assured that if you ever do, i will be happy to remind you as often as necessary. Nothing but love, of course :)

Anonymous said...

why was it wishful thinking to halucinate about people you aren't dating anymore?

Sizzle said...

Wishful thinking that I would see him is what I meant. I miss his face.

Bob Merrick said...

I take offense to this comment:

the land of traffic and shallow, plastic people.

Not everyone here acts like me!

Anonymous said...

I hear ya - those bastards!