Eharmony & Ivory (living in perfect harmony...)

I guess no one is brave enough to cast their vote on yesterday's blog topic. Oh well. Or maybe, no one actually reads this and y'all just lie through your teeth about "checking it"- ah ha! Caught ya. I just woke up and feel like a fuzzy-headed jabbermouth. Anyone who emailed me last night or this morning got a mouthful of a response in return. I didn't talk to a single soul last night from 6pm on so that might explain it. Well, I did talk to Angelou but she wasn't much for conversation. And the mere fact that I am saying I talked to my DOG is not a good sign is it folks? Please, be kind, and refrain from answering that.

Eharmony is trying to make me their bitch. What IS it with all the damn emails they send me?? So I took their "personality test". I'll admit that I am sucker for quizzes. Maybe I miss school or some crazy nonsense. Anyhow, they REALLY want me to join and claim that the man of my dreams is just keystrokes away from being found. After a few glasses of vino, I am inclined to believe them. . . so no more drinking for me. Do you know how much it costs to find the love of you life on Eharmony? A LOT! Like for one month it is something like an outrageous $50. I'm sorry but no thanks Eharmony. Get off my back. I am growing fond of the idea of me and numerous pets making a swell life together as I grow old. (Yeah, right.)

Warning: wearing Crest White Strips can cause serious pain. I'm a dork. I read the instructions in the booklet and thought I understood what I was supposed to do. How hard can it be? You wear the strips, one on the top, one on the bottom for 30 minutes and bingo-bango you are on your way to a whiter smile. So after about 9 days of using the strips,I see some improvement which is good since the box claims "whiter teeth in 14 days". I was showing them to Mikey when I discovered that something just didn't add up...why did I have SO many strips left if I had been already using them for 9 days? Um, hello Sizzle, you are supposed to wear the strips TWICE a day for 30 minutes each time. D'oh. Color me embarrassed. But then again, math was never my strongest subject.

The box also claims you can wear the strips back to back- so one strip for 30, remove, another strip for 30. That option being for those pressed for time. I tried that one night and woke up the following morning in serious teeth agony. I guess my teeth are very sensitive to the peroxide. I spent the day pretty miserable cuz even breathing into my mouth caused a ripple of pain. Needless to say, me and my white strips are taking a break from each other. Apparently my teeth are white enough. Just yesterday a nice homeless man complimented me on my brilliant white teeth. So what if he also told me I was beautiful and wanted to make me his bride? Love at first sight does happen people and right now there are not many offers flowing my way so I will take what I can get.

Expect wedding invitations in the mail shortly.