Thursday, February 24, 2005

Santa Cruz Crazies

Walking downtown in Santa Cruz is such a trip. Today I saw at least 3 people talking to themselves, and no, they weren't talking on their cell phones with those easily disguised earpiece thingies. I don't like those things but I hate people having private conversations in public places on their cell phones. I just don't need to hear moms talking about their kids' schools or lovers having a tiff or some airhead going on about how drunk she and her friends were last night at the Red Room. Isn't anything private anymore?! But I digress. . .

We have some local crazies around here- like Umbrella Man for instance. He walks painfully slow. I mean, I think I have seen snails pass this fella up. Rumor has it he even got ticketed for crossing a crosswalk too slowly. And now, since his slow-walking-umbrella-toting notariety has worn off, he has taken to gender-bending. He wears this '80s style pink coat, a pink scarf, a flowered, flowy skirt and some pink earrings. He is totally trying to usurp my Pinkie status around this town. The jerk! At Halloween a bunch of people dressed up like him. Frankly, I am over his whole shtick. Turns out he used to be the unknown guy under the large Hefty bag who would sit all day on a bench outside of the local bookstore. When people would walk by he would say in a high falsetto voice, "Have a nice day." It was kind of disarming and strange but at least he wasn't yelling obscenities like Teretza.

Teretza (aptly named by my boss upon his arrival to our fair town a year ago) is a total nutball. She's the anti-Umbrella Man. She storms around Santa Cruz at a frenzied pace, sneering at people with her brightly lipsticked mouth and muttering under her breath. It is uncanny how she nails people. I heard a story of her yelling at a mom and dad with their five kids in tow, saying: "Got enough kids?! Stop procreating!" She got me good one time. I made the mistake of making eye contact with her- beware of eye contact with the crazies! She was barreling towards me pushing an empty Longs shopping cart. Our eyes met and she blurted out something to the effect of, "...You and your big jugs!" and as she said "jugs" she made a vehement cupping gesture at her non-existent breasts and then she flipped me off quite violently. It was hilarious and scary. I still get a good laugh out of it today. And I never make eye contact with her. Don't need to teach me that lesson twice! Never a dull moment in this crazy town. Ah Santa Cruz, I love ya.

Today is my dear friend Marnacakes birthday. She is the sweetest, loveliest, most kind-hearted gal and I love her to bits and pieces.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for giving me a "shout out" on my birthday- and appropriately on the day that you write about "Santa Cruz Crazies"- chuckle, chuckle. I do miss the cruz- but more than the city and its wierdities- i miss you and my other lovies who live there. i am thinking of you- with smiles and kisses!
lots of love- marna (marnacakes)