Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About

You've probably heard the rumors. Let me just give you the low down here and now. Yes, it is indeed true that Karl, the man behind Secondhand Tryptophan, is indeed coming to visit me for a week in Seattle in March post- TequilaCon '07. Yes, it is indeed true that, for those of you who know me well and particularly those of you who have stayed with me for my general maximum of three days and two nights, know darn well that a week long visit is unheard of in my world. Every time I have mentioned that Karl is visiting and that he is staying a week I am confronted with shock and awe. "An entire week!? You!?" Good Lord people, can't a girl try to turn over a new leaf. It is, after all, a brand new year.

In an effort to prepare Karl for his visit, I prepared a list of warnings. I felt it is only fair and my duty as the Hostess With the Mostest (who is also, cute as a cupcake, I might add). I thought I'd share them with you. This will save a step if you ever decide to visit me.

Sizzle Warnings:
  1. I tend to burn my eggs 3 out of 5 days of the week. I still eat them though.
  2. I talk to my cats and ask their advice on things. I might do the same to you but don't feel left out if I don't ask your opinion on what I should wear to work that day.
  3. Right now's about the time I should tell you I usually change my outfit a minimum of two times before I head out the door.
  4. I wake up early and alert and I don't drink coffee. But I have to have tea or else I feel ... off.
  5. The guy above me teaches/plays guitar. He's pretty good as musicians go and you eventually get used to hearing them practice.
  6. I hate wearing a bra when I am home. And socks. I don't like wearing socks. Be forewarned I won't be wearing a bra or socks while in the apartment.
  7. My apartment is the first one by the front door. You hear the buzzer and people coming and going. If you are nosy by nature, this could be a good thing for you.
  8. I don't like having all the lights on when I am home. I light candles a lot and this does not mean that I am making romantic overtures (necessarily).
  9. I do not have Tivo. I apologize in advance for this deficiency.
  10. I usually go to bed by 11:00 and most of the time have to read before falling asleep.
  11. My cats may or may not wake you up at 5:30am by either a) sitting on your legs/chest/back and purring loudly, b) licking your eyelid or c) pawing at the covers to make you lift it so they can cuddle underneath. I cannot control them. They control me. They will likely control you.
  12. I really hate when toothpaste or hairs are left in the bathroom sink. Or when the bath mat is soaked because someone didn't towel off in the shower before stepping out.
  13. Please don't leave your soggy towel on my bed, the floor, a chair or crumpled in a ball by the toilet.
  14. I possibly snore but I hear it is endearing and/or cute.
  15. I have a pull out couch that probably isn't that comfortable. It doesn't come with memory foam.
  16. The toilet paper roll is not to be used in its entirety and then left for me to find while I am already sitting on the toilet. And when you replace it, please make sure it comes over the top, not from underneath. Let me repeat: Not. From. Underneath.
  17. There are three shows I feel compelled to watch: American Idol (hey! I saw you cringe!), The Office, and Lost. As long as I don't have to watch talk shows, sports or movies/TV shows with Jennifer Love Hewitt or Carrot Top, we'll get along fine.
  18. It's ok to be quiet and do your own thing just not to the point where I start to feel uncomfortable and I start wondering if you are having a horrible time and really wish you could leave already.
  19. I really do enjoy doing the dishes so when I say it's ok, I'll wash the dishes, I mean it sincerely and am not being passive aggressive.
  20. It's more than ok if you make yourself at home, help yourself to food, kick off your shoes but manners are very much welcomed.
Karl's reply was something like, "Sure, send me this after I booked the ticket." I am pretty sure he is still coming for the visit though.

29 comments:

justrun said...

I love visitors and always get all silly before they arrive, but I've never prepped someone so much. Maybe I'll try it and encourage them to bring gifts [of alcohol] to help me relax. :)

Neil said...

Hey, Karl -- did you read Sizzle's post today. No bra, buddy! Oops, sorry...wrong blog...

alissa said...

love the list! We would get along perfectly fine for a week by the way :) Let me know if Karl cancels!

diane said...

Hee hee. Your life sounds a lot like mine--especially the part about the kitties pawing at the blankets until the can come in. :)
While I'm not too picky about the toilet paper (I usually keep kleenex in there just in case), I will have a temper tantrum if a visitor empties the ice cube tray and doesn't refill it.
We should all have a slumber party at your house!!

Karl said...

No worries, I'm still coming.

They're nonrefundable tickets. :P

Sizzle said...

karl- you jerkface. ha! you didn't even notice i added a few. hmmm...

diane- while my apartment is small, i'm all for slumber parties. i've got an endless bag of ice so i think we'll get along fine!

alissa- we already knew we'd get along perfectly as we are internet soul sisters. you are welcome anytime.

neil- i think that was his most favorite part of the list. ;)

justrun- it is common courtesy when visiting someone's home to bring a gift. alcohol is more than encouraged as said gift.

girl and dog said...

In my book, guests are like fish: After three days, they start to stink.

Dave2 said...

NO TIVO?!?

HOW DO YOU EXIST WITHOUT TIVO?!?

RUN KARL... RUN AWAY!!

Lefty said...

Cats AND no coffee?! Yikes.

Becky said...

After reading #6, I think most men would still want to visit:)

Sizzle said...

becky- hee hee. you think?

lefty- cats, yes. YOU can drink coffee, i just don't. i'll even make some. i always have some on hand for guests.

dave2- help a sister out, will ya? besides, karl has tivo so he can watch his shows when he returns to florida. besides, i think i can keep his mind off tv. ;)

girl and dog- ha. that's probably a good rule of thumb.

nicalyse said...

It's good to know that there are other people out there who are just as particular as me. Oh, and I can totally relate to no-bra-or-socks. Unnecessary when alone.

g-man said...

I think Karl should respond with his list of expectations. :)
You don't sound so hard to get along with, Over the top is my rule too, but no one listens in my house.

Cant wait for the joint blog entries. Florida to Washington, thats about as far apart as you can get. You going to go visit him in that sunshine state?

snackiepoo said...

I think you and I could live together OR we'd kill each other for being so similar, LOL.

I hate socks and bras too. I usually turn all of the lights off except one little one, then light candles as well.

I think if Karl could stay with me, he can stay with you but no TiVo? Ruh-roh ;)

Traveling Chica said...

My cats may or may not wake you up at 5:30am by either a) sitting on your legs/chest/back and purring loudly, b) licking your eyelid or c) pawing at the covers to make you lift it so they can cuddle underneath. I cannot control them. They control me. They will likely control you.

I love cats.

This is hilarious! Hope you guys have a great time!

Sizzle said...

traveling chica- cats are awesome. let's hope karl can appreciate them. ;)

snackiepoo- i'm hoping i can distract karl enough that he won't even miss the tivo. wishful thinking much? ha ha.

g-man- we'll see about those blog entries. i'm not too difficult to get along with but i'll let karl answer that one later. florida and washington are very far apart, this is true. plans to visit florida? that has not come up. i've already told karl about my hatred of humidity and heat, huge flying bugs and skimpy clothing. ;)

nicalyse- particular. that's such a nice way of putting it. thanks!

laurie said...

"My cats may or may not wake you up at 5:30am by either a) sitting on your legs/chest/back and purring loudly, b) licking your eyelid or c) pawing at the covers to make you lift it so they can cuddle underneath."

I'm sorry, do you live in my house? You have just described my EVERY SINGLE morning! Well, except because I am a commuter, and crazy, I get up much earlier. So now the cats do the delighful routine mentioned above at 4 a.m.

This list was hilarious!

Claire said...

Considering your last post, #6 made me laugh and consider you more kindred.

The rest sounds fair except maybe the eyelid licking. They'd probably try to pull off an eye mask, wouldn't they?

Bone said...

This had me smiling all the way thru. Love it, Ms. Sizzle!

And I'm with you on the over the top.

But, uh, how do you burn eggs so often? :)

Sizzle said...

bone- glad you enjoyed it. i am totally here for your amusement. :)

i burn my eggs because i try to do too many things at once. if i would just focus on the eggs, i'd be fine but instead i am feeding the cats, washing dishes, putting on make up and not watching the damn eggs. you'd think i would learn!

claire- well since getting the new bra, i am more prone to leave it on, it is true. and as for the eye mask, the cats would totally remove it with their tricky little paws. i have no doubt.

laurie- i see i'm not the only one who suffers. :)

Bob Merrick said...

Will you please come and do my dishes?

hotpinksox said...

ps I love this list and will be stealing this idea. I will give you full credit for it. I also think I might send a list to those I will be spending time in their house. A sort of what to expect when you are expecting me to stay with you.

1. I must have clean sheet, but I will strip my bed and wash my sheets when I leave, if I have time I'll even make the bed.

gorillabuns said...

if i were to come and visit, i swear i would be the perfect guest. the perfect guest with socks on though. i am neurotic about my socks!

Dawn said...

That's hilarious...long, but hilarious.

Jenny said...

you're a fab host...being yourself is the best kind of host there is :). really.

kapgar said...

He's likely still coming... although he may be seeking alternate housing arrangements. ;-)

LSL said...

God, the sick thing about this post is that I could have written it, and anyone who knows me and reads it will think, "God, that bitch LSL could have written that."

I love it!!

blackbeltmama said...

I can not WAIT to read posts after this visit from both you AND Karl.

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