Saturday, January 20, 2007

Leave Your List At The Door

I've been feeling edgy lately. At work, I have trouble focusing. It's like I am back in college when I had a big paper due. Instead of tackling the paper straight on, I would accomplish all sorts of other, not-as-important tasks. My closet would be organized. My toilet scrubbed. My box of photos chronologically put in order. I'd make my bed. Do a load of laundry. Make tea and bake banana bread from scratch. And then. . . with 12 or 8 or 5 hours to spare, I'd get down to the real business at hand.

I do this with my life, not just with projects that have due dates. But I wonder, when you have a self-imposed "due date" does it still count? Lately, I've been trying to not be SO structured. Lists are nice. Accomplishing everything on my list is a secret joyous feeling. . . but why? What do all those tasks crossed off mean to me? That I have purpose? That I am not wasting my time?

I'm horribly bad at relaxing. Like even if I am home on a Friday night I will still multitask. This bothers me immensely because my inability to relax keeps me too over-connected, too "on," too pent up, too inhibited. And multitasking just isn't what it used to be. It actually keeps me from enjoying one thing at a time. It makes me feel scattered and discombobulated. What I am saying is: I want to cut loose of it and be free.

Today there is no list. There are phone dates with Santa Cruz friends. There is lunching at one of my favorite restaurants and painting pottery with my BFF. There will be fun. And by golly I WILL feel relaxed! (Does declaring that make me less of a relaxing type person? Ooops. I thought it might. Baby steps.)


question girl said...

omg - i am like this too... i NEED the impending doom of the deadline to do quality ANYTHING

i AM getting better at relaxing...

however, my apartment is a wreck right now and my mom is going to be here in 24 hours!!

Baja Babe said...

My boyfriend is the list-maker and it IRKS me to no end. I'm VERY relaxed, and being a Mexican I've been known to adopt a "manana" (tomorrow) attitude about certain things. So I'm trying to be more organized, more proactive...It looks like we're moving in opposite directions, let me know if you find a happy medium!! :)

justrun said...

I do the very same thing... the house will be spotless, bread baked but did I balance my checkbook? Hell no, I hate it. Just like writing papers.

As we get older, and busier I don't think there's anything at all wrong with scheduling relaxation. Whether it be reading at a coffee shop, watching a movie or a vacation, we need down time. Also, marking that off the list? Very good feeling, in an entirely different way than "clean bathroom." :-)

BullysE said...

With all the audio clips going on from American Idol and the amazing Darwin, I keep finding myself singing,"Doncha!" Could be worse, as Youngest has the "I shot the Sheriff" ear worm...Your picture below triggered me, sorry! :-D

See? When I'm stressed, my mind goes off on those tangents of unrelated thoughts. Maybe it's just a release valve, eh? As long as you find time to actually get your work done/deadline hit, you are doing fine.
You need some creative time placement for you! :-) Maybe it's your way of multitasking even the fun things you want to do for you, hmm?

I like that you are taking today off, to have some Fun with your girlfriend. No agenda, no worries...just nice time spent.That acceptance sounds great.
Oh, and send homemade banana bread, if you got any. tx.

gorillabuns said...

i wish you would relax and just be... i also wish you lived closer. i would totally have you help organize my photos and my closets.

diane said...

Oh man, you and me and Amy would really have quite a lot to talk about together. :)
While I don't like to organize per se, I will still keep daily to-do lists with projects and tasks to keep me on track. I love my lists!!
Last night I went out on a whim with a group of friends that led to a very late night. I had a blast, but am still struggling with the fact it totally disrupted my weekend...aye aye aye... ;)

kapgar said...

A self-imposed due date only counts if you share it with another living being. Then they can hold you to it.