Saturday, October 28, 2006

I Want It

I want to wake up to someone. I want to stay in bed because there is someone there I don't want to leave. I want to plan our day together. I want to make breakfast and surprise him by remembering how he likes his coffee. I want be an "us."

This is a longing I have not admitted to in a very, very long time.

Instead I wake to my two cats climbing over me, in a cold apartment, singing this song as I make my lone cup of tea...

If I don't stand out like a star among the moons
if I am always late and he always backs away too soon
I walk the world with a skin so thin
I can wear no adequate protection
everything comes crashing in.
If I'm too wide open for this place
but not enough for him to recognize my face

How will he find me
with no one's arms to gather me together?
How will he find me?
Only held by gravity, faded with uncertainty
no longer young and not that pretty
how will he ever find me?

It never seems to matter, the tears I cry.
There's a well inside of me that never runs dry
from being born I guess, and born in life until we die.
The music and the hope for love keep me alive
still I wonder, how will he find me?

And what shall I do with a drunken heart
with goggle eyes and the troubling hunger
reaching forward to trick mirror men
leaning out and in again.
If love is a game how can it be creation?
And if I'm wasting my time
how will he find me?

-How Will He Find Me, The Weepies


Jenny said...

yep. me too. (but make it a girl, please :))
and lady... he will come, right when you aren't looking. they say it happens that way. let's cross our fingers. :)

Lushy said...

I miss having someone to say goodnight to. *sigh*

Jenny is absolutely right. My fingers are crossed for the both of us. Scratch that, ALL of us!

Don't forget the Lushy Effect. I give you nine months. :)

Mrs. Ca said...

Thankfully, it seems as if you have better self-control than my single-self did. There were a few times that I fell into bed with the wrong guy just so I could have that. I'm glad I learned better. So, good for you for waiting for someone who feels right.

And an example to maybe tarnish that lovely image (and to share a funny story): this morning my husband woke me up by rolling over and exhaling the worst-smelling morning breath he's ever had directly into my face. Talk about a rude awakening!

question girl said...

you know i feel what you feel as you commented on my similar post recently...

since you are still new to a big city, enjoy the social events your now job hosts - maybe you will find mr. man at one of these...

Faith said...

He will find you- of this I am certain. As a matter of fact, I have never been more certain of almost anything!

So what will you do until then? Live your life to the fullest, and try not to let feeling this way bring you down. When you do meet him, this burning question will finally make sense, and while you will have put it to rest, 10 more burning questions will open up in its place as it's a never ending cycle.

You are beautiful, smart, and ready. He will find you. You won't meet him until then for a reason. Maybe he's not ready to meet you. Try to rest in the "he will" not the "will he". As you said in a recent blog, you are worth it.

JustRun said...

He will find you and you will find him.
I think letting go of all the cliche "when you least expect it" or "in the place you never look" crap is key. The only thing almost as good as being "found" is feeling like you're findable.

sandra said...

Love the song!

Melissa said...

You deserve to be found my someone as amazing as yourself. You aren't settling and neither is he.

gorillabuns said...

i personally believe in fate, therefore, you two are trying to find each other.

it will happen, i promise!

leticia said...

I know how you feel, I find myself saying the same thing all the time. I just look at it as God is making sure he picks the right one for me. Or God is not finished smaking him in the head to show him im right in front of him and he needs to take a better look at what this wonderful man has in front of him.


kapgar said...

I'm with GorillaBuns on this one... it will happen.

Plus I just love typing "GorillaBuns." Too fun.

micah said...

when you find him, the 2 cats will still be there and the apt will still be cold. you'll just have someone to bitch to about it... :)