Sunday, October 01, 2006

Don't Waste Good Lip Gloss

I thought I had it in me. I really, truly did. I wouldn't have purchased the ticket if I thought I wouldn't go through with it.

I got dressed in what I deemed to be a hip outfit. I found the venue. I spent 10 minutes looking for parking and as I did, I saw a very long line to get into the club. A line full of laughing people who were dressed in fashionable clothes.

I froze.

I suddenly felt very alone. Very uncool. Very panicked. I suddenly couldn't fathom the thought of going in there by myself.

I turned around and drove home. Put on my pajamas. Wrote this post. I feel like a big, fat loser.

My insecurities sure are getting the best of me lately.

26 comments:

A said...

No, no, no! You are so much stronger than this!

Not that I begrudge you your decision. I really do understand. But you are stringer than this.

Alison said...

Oops, I was a little hasty with my comment. My name got abbreviated.

sandra said...

If it makes you feel any better, I think you're hot. :-)

Sarcomical said...

there's nothing wrong with you!!

WHO SAYS you have to push things like that in order to prove something? don't sweat it. you're awesome.

JustRun said...

I don't think there's really anything wrong with that. Once, I went to a show with a friend and we arrived only to see we were the oldest people there by 8-10 years. So we left and went to buy alcohol because at least we could. Ha.

Becky said...

I think you look great and are much "hotter" than you give yourself credit for. Where did you go?

kapgar said...

You are not a big fat loser. Not in any way, shape, or form. Get that hammered in your head! You are one of the coolest gals I know, even if it is only in a virtual sense that I know you.

Nihilistic said...

I wouldn't go to a club by myself either. It doesn't mean your a loser...it means it was just an uncomfortable situation. And sometimes we are more able to handle uncomfortable situations than others.

snackiepoo said...

First of all, you are super hip so don't even think you are not!

But I could never go to a club by myself; there are people that are made that way and those that are not. Some people may tell you to take the reins and do it, but if you are not that kind of girl then get a friend and go do it, sistah.

I'd have just stayed home in the jammies in the first place so you are way cooler than I am!

Bre said...

My goodness you're brave! I don't think I would have made it to the car! Once I went to the movies by myself and though I tell myself that it was fine and that it wasn't scary it wasn't fine and I was scared by it. I'm not an "alone" type of person, and I'm especially aware of being alone when I'm in a large group of people that I don't know.

You are in no way, shape, or form a big fat loser! I wouldn't have even considered the event!

Jenny said...

i feel ya, sistah.
>hugs<
ps. i'm glad you called.

Keri said...

I know how it feels to feel like the big fat loser in the crowd. I don't know you except by what I read in your blog, and I think you are crazy for even thinking you are a fat loser!!!! You are a beautiful woman!

ocg said...

That's it. I am coming up, and we are going out, and going to have The Time of Our Life. (echo echo echo)

Those pesky insecurities are bothersome... we'll squash them with alcohol.

Mr_Rodacre said...

Oh, Cupcake...

I think it is great you got as far as you did! I mean you normally don't do the whole "go out to places alone" thing so this was a pretty big step. And concerts are usually at least a two-person operation.

I went to see the Keane concert last year by myself. I mean it wasn't for lack of trying to get someone to go with me with the extra ticket I had purchased - asking co-workers and unknown internet women and then ended up agreeing to sell it to someone on craigslist who turned out never to show up anyway...

...and it was okay... just okay...

So who is the bigger loser here, Cupcake? The one who tried desperately to get someone to go with them to the concert and failed and ended up going alone? Or the one who was determined to go to the concert alone but then changed her mind?

gorillabuns said...

don't let yourself get so down. going to a club by yourself is the hardest thing to do. i've done it, but i was drunk.

sending positive vibes your way to a speeding self-recovery.

inky said...

Where were you going?
Get back on the horse and try again. I go to most events solo. If not, then I might as well slit my wrists and end life as I know it. It's not so bad going alone to things. Really it's not.

jeopardygirl said...

Sizz, these past three months have meant sweeping changes in your life. This is just one short step back...and next time ('cause I don't doubt you will be brave and try it again), you will make it inside that club!

If I haven't said it, Sizz, right now, YOU are my hero.

Lushy said...

There are "I'm going with or without someone" days and there are "what the hell am I doing here" days. We need both days to keep a balance and keep us safe. Plus, sometimes PJs therapy is the best thing for us. :)

Bone said...

Don't sweat it, Ms. Sizzle. Going to a club alone isn't easy. Unless you're a regular there or something.

Besides, not being able to easily find parking is a great reason to go back home. I used to do that all the time in college... at college.

Krisco said...

I think you made a good decision.

Sometimes it is good to be home and comfy.

Go again when you can go with friends and not care about anyone else or who you are with.

Bill said...

Hmm ... what's the real insecurity here? Not being able to go to the club alone? Or thinking you should go to the club, alone?

I hate, hate, HATE going to a club alone. Which probably explains why I never do it. Though I did try a week or two ago with the same result you had.

I'm just not made for that world. There's got to be other ways to meet people.

sue said...

I couldn't comment yesterday. :(
As you know, I've been in this exact situation... and did EXACTLY the same thing. Don't worry about it. You are not super-woman and you are allowed to have feelings of insecurity. Yes, yes, you are!
Give yourself a break. You deal with more things on a daily basis that would make me break out in hives than anyone I know. It's okay. Honest. {{{hug}}}

Melissa said...

I keep hoping there was some ice cream involved. It always makes the lonelies more bearable.

Neil said...

The very fact that you were even going to a club ALONE is amazing to me, so that is bullshit about being insecure. A real insecure person, like myself, would never even THINK of doing this. That said, maybe you don't really want to go there by yourself. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. Find a friend to go with. And by the way, I find you hot.

Miss Mac said...

I just came across your blog for the first time today, and, um, I think you are very cool.

Bird said...

I wouldn't even go to a club with other people. I hate clubs. I'd rather have dinner any day of the week. And also, I like you just the way you are no matter WHAT! Here's a Deep Thought for you: "First, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me!"